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    Nathan Nuttboard Hits The Beach
    Nathan Nuttboard Hits The Beach
    Nathan Nuttboard Hits The Beach
    Ebook106 pages1 hour

    Nathan Nuttboard Hits The Beach

    By Anthony Eaton

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    About this ebook

    A few days at the beach, camping with your family. Sounds like a good time, right? Maybe, but don't forget to factor in: * the motobike riding bogan * an older sister in love * a tent which is suffering a spiritual crisis * a surfer named Gnarly who's idea of fun involves exfoliating sparkplugs! For Nathan Nuttboard, this could be an interesting few days.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherUniversity of Queensland Press
    Release dateAug 1, 2015
    ISBN9780702256974
    Nathan Nuttboard Hits The Beach

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      Book preview

      Nathan Nuttboard Hits The Beach - Anthony Eaton

      known.

      Chapter One:

      Family Meeting

      I don’t know how it is in your house, but in mine, when Dad calls a family meeting, it can only mean one thing — he’s done something he knows Mum is going to freak out about. He’s hoping she’ll be too embarrassed to lose the plot in front of us kids. Dad hasn’t thought this through too well though, because what actually happens is that after Dad tells us all about whatever it is he’s done, Mum gets this look in her eye, and the first person to open their mouth after that absolutely cops it. Then she moves on to each of us in turn. On the bright side, its about the only time that Narelle or Nadine, my two sisters, ever get yelled at.

      So the night Dad came home late from work and called a family meeting, we all knew that something major was up. Naturally, Narelle tried to get out of it — she’s sixteen and thinks she knows everything.

      But Dad — I’m going over to Sarah’s to study.

      I didn’t know you could read.

      Shut up, Bug. She glared at me. I know that look — I shut up.

      Sorry honey, but you know the rule about family meetings.

      But …

      When we have them, we talk about things which effect everyone, so everyone has to be there.

      But Sarah and I …

      Narelle, I’m sorry, but you’re staying. I’ll run you across to Sarah’s afterwards if you like.

      Fat chance!

      Even though we still had no idea what the meeting was about, Narelle knew that by the time Mum had finished, the whole family would be grounded for about a year. She decided to give it one more try; throwing dad her best smile, tossing her hair, and using what I call her But Daddy … voice — a trick that only ever works on my father.

      But Daddy, our project is due tomorrow and …

      Narelle, end of discussion.

      Now I really was worried. Narelle’s act was usually a sure fire winner. If that didn’t work then whatever Dad had done was major. Really major. I wondered if they’d let an eleven-year-old catch a plane to New Guinea without a note from his parents. Probably not.

      Things got worse when Mum came home from work. She’d had a bad day. That was clear from the second she hit the driveway. Mum is the only person I know who can close a car door quietly, and still make it sound angry. As a general rule, this means one thing — either stay out of her way for at least an hour and a half, or help out: Set the table. Cook dinner. Clean your room. Give her a shoulder rub or a foot massage (she likes that). Clean the bathroom tiles. Build a games room onto the house. Above all, whatever you do, DON’T call a family meeting.

      Tonight, however, she was barely through the door before Dad came bounding into the hallway;

      You’re home! Excellent. Family meeting. Right now, okay?

      Everyone froze. Everyone except Dad, that is. He just went straight into the family room and sat down at the table. I looked at Narelle and Nadine. They were standing still. Dead still. So was I. It’s a bit like snakes — if you don’t move, they can’t see you, and from the look on Mum’s face, the first person to even twitch would be signing their death warrant.

      You guys coming? Dad really wasn’t switched on this evening.

      Mum followed him into the family room. Slowly. Like on those nature documentaries where you see panthers stalking their prey. The three of us breathed out. Safe. For the moment. I contemplated the possibility of making a break for it, and claiming later that I’d gone temporarily insane, but five seconds later Dad yelled again;

      Narelle! Nathan! Nadine! Hurry up.

      The three of us exchanged looks as we made our way into the family room. For the moment, there’d be a truce. Safety in numbers.

      Right. Sit down everyone. I’ve got great news.

      I got this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. We already knew this was bad, but when he said that, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that things were going to get a lot worse. Great news could only mean one thing — whatever it was, it would be completely, totally, the opposite to whatever Mum wanted. I threw another glance at the girls and caught Narelle’s eye. She’d picked up on it too, because there was a worried little crease between her eyes. She always gets it when she’s nervous. Mum was just sitting there, her face dead calm. Waiting. Those who know my mother will know that this is the face we call expression number one: extreme danger imminent. All we needed to know was what Dad had done, and then we could get on with the fireworks. We didn’t have too long to wait;

      Well guys, we’re going camping.

      Silence. This wasn’t at all what any of us expected. I must admit, though, that there were a few questions running around in my head. Questions like: When? Where? In what? Finally it was mum who spoke:

      Kevin, if you don’t mind me asking: When? Where? And in what do you intend to take this family camping?

      I could tell from the sound of her voice that she thought this was going to be another one of Dad’s little ‘projects’. It happens about twice a year — Dad finds some new idea that he spends all his time on for about three weeks, before getting bored and going on to something else. Don’t get me wrong — it’s not that my dad’s an idiot, or anything, he just has what Mum calls diverse interests. We think this means he gets excited about a lot of things, but rarely finishes them. Past projects include: Scuba diving, papier-mâche models of the great castles of the world, writing protest letters to world leaders, starting his own political party and running for Parliament, rollerblading, painting on leg casts (this project followed immediately on from roller blading), car engine maintenance (It took the mechanic three weeks to put the engine back together), downhill mountain bike riding, (followed by a brief return of leg cast painting), and now, it appears, camping.

      "First week of the holidays. I

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