Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    Am I Zen Yet?
    Am I Zen Yet?
    Am I Zen Yet?
    Ebook107 pages1 hour

    Am I Zen Yet?

    By Dee Ernst

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    Andy Williams.  Yoga.  Twitter. Costco.

    What do these things have in common? 

    Well, at one time or another, I blogged something about each of them.  As a writer, you are often told to write what you know.  This should tell you a lot about how glamorous and exciting this writer’s life is.

    I’ve put together a number of short essays on these and other fascinating subjects, most of them previously published on one of my blogs, and am offering them as a collection.  Most of them are funny.   Some of them are not.  Hurricane Sandy, for example, was tough to laugh about after the fourth day of no heat.  Football, on the other hand, can be a laugh riot, especially if you happen to be watching with my husband and brother-in-law down in the ManCave.

    These are all short pieces, which is why this is a short book, but it’s the kind of thing you can enjoy waiting on line at the DMV.  Or waiting for your kid to get out of basketball practice.  Or any other time or place where you need something to make you smile, but not necessarily think too much.

    That’s the kind of writing I do.

    You’re welcome.

    LanguageEnglish
    Publisher235 Alexander Street
    Release dateJun 27, 2015
    ISBN9780985985486
    Am I Zen Yet?
    Author

    Dee Ernst

    Dee Ernst loved reading at an early age and decided to become a writer, though she admits it took a bit longer than she expected. After the birth of her second daughter at the age of forty, she committed to giving writing a real shot. She loved chick lit but felt frustrated by the younger heroines who couldn’t figure out how to get what they wanted, so she writes about women like herself—older, more confident, and with a wealth of life experience. In 2012, her novel Better Off Without Him became an Amazon bestseller. Now a full-time writer, Dee lives in her home state of New Jersey with her family, a few cats, and a needy cocker spaniel. She loves sunsets, beach walks, and really cold martinis.

    Read more from Dee Ernst

    Related to Am I Zen Yet?

    Related ebooks

    Humor & Satire For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      What I Deserve

      Apr 13, 2022

      IN THE past two years I have opened a bookstore while keeping my day job; finished a novel draft and written another novel draft; grieved the death of a friend, and another friend; started and stopped multiple vitamin regimens; watched my mother slip

      8 min read

    • Article

      Lauren Thoman

      Apr 1, 2023

      Lauren Thoman
      4 min read

    • Article

      Finding My Own ARTIST’S WAY

      Apr 7, 2022

      Finding My Own ARTIST’S WAY
      7 min read

    • Article

      Funny You Should Ask

      Nov 8, 2018

      Dear FYSA, I’ve been reading your column for years and it’s very clear that you only sign things that you love. No offense, but why do you think that your taste in literature is the right taste? Signed, A Salty Scribe Dear Salty, If you had

      3 min read

    • Article

      Veilige Volkspartij

      Apr 27, 2020

      Veilige Volkspartij
      11 min read

    • Article

      Monica Ali

      Feb 7, 2022

      Monica Ali
      5 min read

    • Article

      Jean Kyoung Frazier

      Jun 10, 2020

      Jean Kyoung Frazier
      6 min read

    • Article

      Anne Lamott

      Nov 2, 2020

      Anne Lamott
      6 min read

    • Article

      Nuggets of Humor

      Jun 15, 2020

      There’s no subject too taboo for humor author Samantha Irby. From her Bitches Gotta Eat blog where she started writing to her three essay collections, Irby has told real-life stories about everything from her tribulations with Crohn’s disease to easi

      7 min read

    • Article

      George Lester

      Oct 1, 2020

      George Lester
      5 min read

    • Article

      Lisa Jewell

      Dec 21, 2021

      Lisa Jewell
      12 min read

    • Article

      Jennie Godfrey

      Apr 4, 2024

      Jennie Godfrey
      3 min read

    • Article

      In Praise of the “Starter Book”

      May 23, 2018

      Recently, in a networking group I’m part of, a woman posted in a panic. She was about to publish her first book with a small press, and she was lost. She didn’t know which way to turn, what to do next. She couldn’t stop wishing she was on the best-of

      5 min read

    • Article

      The Queen of Kidlit

      Aug 16, 2021

      For decades, Jane Yolen has been an iconic force in children’s literature—from board books like Merbaby’s Lullaby to middle-grade novels like Trash Mountain, and from picture books like Owl Moon to YA novels like Mapping the Bones, she’s done it all.

      7 min read

    • Article

      The Real Life Of A Romance Writer

      Jun 19, 2019

      The Real Life Of A Romance Writer
      4 min read

    • Article

      I Was Formed by What I Didn’t Know: The Millions Interviews Dani Shapiro

      Jan 25, 2019

      I didn't have the luxury of thinking, I’m going to write about this five years from now, after I’ve processed it. This book felt like it required immediacy. The post I Was Formed by What I Didn’t Know: The Millions Interviews Dani Shapiro appeared fi

      12 min read

    • Article

      A Year in Reading: Liv Stratman

      Dec 16, 2021

      At the risk of coming across exactly like the smug shithead I really am (when I'm not pretending to be chill (ugh) so that men will like me), I admit here that I find the premise of a reading goal pretty lame. The post A Year in Reading: Liv Stratman

      6 min read

    • Article

      How To Write A Swan Song

      Nov 26, 2022

      How To Write A Swan Song
      8 min read

    • Article

      The Cold Open

      Oct 30, 2019

      The Cold Open
      7 min read

    • Article

      Literary Citizenship: How to Handle Rejection and Nurture Emerging Voices

      Feb 20, 2018

      Around Christmas, LitHub put up their round-up of The Most-Rejected Books of All Time (Of Those That Were Eventually Published), and the literary Internet chimed in—I chimed in, too, sharing that my forthcoming novel had been rejected 98 times. The r

      5 min read

    • Article

      How to Write a (Really Good) Book in Five Weeks

      Apr 29, 2023

      Publishing one book a year is considered an ambitious pace in the makes-sloths-look-spritely publishing business. Jesse Q. Sutanto published three books in 2022. She will publish three more this year. No, that’s not a double typo. Sutanto is prolific

      6 min read

    • Article

      Breaking the Rules

      Aug 15, 2018

      LENORE MYKA is the author of King of the Gypsies: Stories (BkMk Press, 2015). She is a recipient of a 2016 National Endowment for the Arts Literature Fellowship, and her writing has appeared in a variety of publications, including the New England Rev

      10 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for Am I Zen Yet?

    0 ratings

    0 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      Am I Zen Yet? - Dee Ernst

      AM I ZEN YET?

      …AND OTHER RANDOM THOUGHTS

      DEE ERNST

      Some of these essays previously appeared on the ‘Boomers and Books’ blog, or the ‘Dee Ernst Author Page’ blog.

      Resemblance to any persons living or dead is quite intentional, unless you are not a member of my family. In that case, it is purely coincidental

      Copyright 2015

      Dee Ernst

      ISBN: 978-0-9859854-8-6

      CONTENTS

      INTRODUCTION

      A WORD OR TWO OF EXPLANATION

      LIVING LIFE 140 CHARACTERS AT A TIME, OR #OUTOFTHESTONEAGE

      I HAVE PEOPLE

      AM I ZEN YET?

      ANDY DOESN’T SING HERE ANYMORE

      PARDON MY PLUG

      SHAME ON ME

      FRANKENSTORM

      GIVING THANKS FOR COSTCO

      GUILTY PLEASURES

      GO AHEAD… ASK ME WHY I’M SMILING

      ALL I GOT FOR CHRISTMAS

      FEEL THE BURN? IT HURTS!

      RELAX, IT’S ONLY A GAME. OR IS IT?

      I USED TO WORK IN A BOOKSTORE

      RUNNING WITH THE BIG DOGS

      SUMMER READING

      LET’S TALK DIRT

      WHERE HAVE ALL THE COVERS GONE

      IT’S BAACK!

      TECHNOLOGY IN THE NEW MILLENNIUM —A LAMENT

      ’TIS THE SEASON. NO, NOT THAT SEASON…

      AGING GRACEFULLY

      I

      NTRODUCTION

      THIS IS A COLLECTION OF essays. Most were written for a blog I was involved in about four years ago, called ‘Boomers and Books’, with four other terrific writers, Lee Sinclair, Sharon Tillotson, Lynn Schneider and Sandra Nachlinger. The idea was that we, of a certain generation, would have certain things in common, and it would be fun to write about those things. It was. I read and reviewed some great books, and wrote posts about anything that happened to be on my mind at the time. Some posts were funny, some more serious, but I loved writing them, and people seemed to like them.

      I also had my own poorly neglected blog that I occasionally wrote for. And, sometimes, I just felt like I had something to say and wrote it down. So, some of these may be familiar to you. If so, I hope you enjoy them a second time.

      Some are a bit dated, so I indicated when they were written. Most things are better understood when you know the context.

      If you find these entertaining, please visit my website, www.DeeErnst.com. I also write romantic comedy, and you can find more information about those books there.

      A W

      ORD OR TWO OF EXPLANATION

      SEPTEMBER 2011

      IT HAS COME TO MY attention that I now have a blog follower.

      This is very exciting. Thank you, whoever you are. I’m thrilled, really, that you think that what I have to say is interesting enough to actually keep tabs on me. So I feel I should explain why I post so infrequently to this, my own personal blog.

      First, let me assure you, it’s not because I have nothing to say. Believe me, I’ve got plenty so say, about all sorts of things, and if you ask my friends they will tell you I’m not at all shy about being very explicit in my opinions. I’m also a writer, so even if I didn’t have an explicit opinion, I’d have no problem making one up.

      The problem is time. There are only so many hours in a day, and since sleeping is one of my favorite pastimes, I have even less actually productive time than some other people may have.

      And, sadly, there are all sorts of previous claims on said time. Work, for one. I’m a bookseller at Barnes&Noble. My hours were recently cut, which, aside from the fact that there’s less money coming in, should have been a good thing, because it should have freed up hours otherwise spent running my butt off for $10.25/hr. to do other things, like blog.

      However.

      When my hours were cut, the first thing that went was my cleaning lady. I love my cleaning lady. For three years, she has made it possible for me to not have to even think about a toilet brush. I have pets, so I was always sweeping and vacuuming, but I didn’t mind. Because I knew, every other week, Carliane would come and clean my bathrooms.

      I tried to convince my husband that we could do without milk, bread, meat and cable rather than let her go, but I had no luck. So now I have to spend some of that supposedly extra time cleaning my house again. I also spend lots of time complaining about it to anyone who will listen. You, for instance.

      I have to find a way to sell my book. Since I have roughly zero dollars in my Marketing budget, I spend at least an hour a day trolling the web, finding people to review, print excerpts from, feature, mention or otherwise talk about my book. So that people can buy it. So I can make enough money to hire back my cleaning lady.

      I am part of a blog called ‘Boomers and Books’, and twice a month I post there, and since at least one of my posts is a book review, I have to find time to read a book worth reviewing.

      I’m also on an on-line book club that’s reading The Forsythe Saga, which is roughly seven trillion pages long.

      Then there’s the Next Book. Actually, the Next Two Books. One is a sequel to Better Off Without Him, where Mona goes to Hollywood to write her movie script, and hilarity ensues. The other is a Young Adult with a slight paranormal bend, which will hopefully open up a previously untapped merchandising opportunity, which will then allow me to make lots of money and hire my cleaning lady back.

      So that’s why I don’t post much here. And I’m sorry about that. But keep checking back. That way, when I hire back my cleaning lady, you’ll be the first to know.

      As it turned out, Mona did go to Hollywood, but Better Than Your Dreams was not about that experience at all. I’m sure hilarity did ensue while she was out there, but we’ll have to imagine it.

      L

      IVING LIFE 140 CHARACTERS AT

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1