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    You're Gonna Make It: The Indispensable Guide for a Woman Facing Divorce
    You're Gonna Make It: The Indispensable Guide for a Woman Facing Divorce
    You're Gonna Make It: The Indispensable Guide for a Woman Facing Divorce
    Ebook152 pages2 hours

    You're Gonna Make It: The Indispensable Guide for a Woman Facing Divorce

    By Jon Kagan

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    About this ebook

    Jon Kagan has written a compelling guide for any woman facing divorce. You're scared. You don’t know about the process you’ve been thrust into. The fear comes from a sense of chaos and helplessness. It's okay, you’re not alone anymore. YOU’RE GONNA MAKE IT will help you gain a thorough understanding of the divorce process, the players involved, and the terminology. You'll learn how to select an attorney, the role of the mediator, and when a therapist might be helpful. You’ll learn how to take a financial assessment of your current situation, how to project what your future financial reality could look like, and when and how to seek a financial professional for guidance. You'll view the process through the case of Nancy and Mark, a fictional couple married for 32 years before an infidelity brought an end to their marriage. You’ll follow Nancy from the initial shock, to her ultimate resolution and rebirth. Along the way, you'll hear from real women who have successfully emerged on the other side and are enjoying the next chapter of a very fulfilling life. Jon was compelled to write this guide after years of helping women through their own unique journeys. They came from all stages of life, but all had the same question. "Will I be okay?" This book will not only answer that question, it will be a tremendous resource throughout the process, referenced before, during, and after you’ve made it successfully to the other side.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBookBaby
    Release dateFeb 6, 2015
    ISBN9781631926174
    You're Gonna Make It: The Indispensable Guide for a Woman Facing Divorce

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      Book preview

      You're Gonna Make It - Jon Kagan

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      Chapter 1

      Introduction

      A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

      When you come right down to it, there’s been a death in the family and it’s your relationship. It doesn’t matter if you’re the initiator or at the receiving end of divorce. Emotions are raw. The fight or flight reflex may kick into overdrive, or the flip-side, you settle into a deep depression and thick fog. During these states it’s often extremely difficult to make decisions of any kind. But the decisions that need to be made will be absolutely critical and may very well make the difference between a post-divorce life that sets you up for incredible success or one of constant struggle.

      They say that knowledge is power. I’d say that knowledge is empowering. Congratulations on taking the first step in becoming the empowered driver of your future.

      A divorce is one of the most disruptive events you’ll ever face. The purpose of this book is to educate you on all aspects of the divorce process, the emotional, financial, and legal pieces that are continuously intertwined. My mission is to give you the information to make purposeful decisions. The goal is for you to use this information and apply it to your new reality. You’re going to make it. I am absolutely certain of it. I know at present you feel nothing like Mary Tyler Moore, tossing her cap in the air as the theme song of her show (and the title of this book) plays in the background. But I know from my years of helping women through this journey, you are going to be okay.

      I want to insulate you from harmful emotions and bad advice so that you can get through this challenge with the best possible outcome and move on to new and greater heights. All of the information in this book comes from my research and the practical application of my years as a Certified Financial Planner (CFP®), a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA™), and Florida Supreme Court Certified Family Law Mediator. After years of practice, I understand the fear and uncertainty that women have when they call us the first time. I was compelled to write this book as an instructional manual on how to navigate the divorce process, which is often a minefield littered with raw emotion and conflicts of interest.

      This is not a do-it-yourself divorce-for-dummies book designed to take the place of a team of professionals. Rather, it is a comprehensive guide designed to help you understand all aspects of the divorce process so that you can build the team that is right for you. Everyone’s case is different, and the attorney or mediator who worked for your best friend may not be the best choice for your situation. I will give you a detailed look inside the process and provide you with the knowledge you’ll need to make the most sound and wise decisions. You’ll learn that successfully navigating these waters is often a team sport. Each case is unique. Some require a very small team while others, particularly those who’ve been married for a lengthy duration or have considerable assets, may be best served by a larger team of specialists.

      I will walk you through the process and we’ll examine the considerations along the way as well as the potential hot spots. We’ll discuss the potential conflicts of interest and motivations of those you may hire. But first, let me tell you why I care and why I chose to write this book in the first place.

      How I Got Involved in Divorce Planning

      It’s important to know what you don’t know.

      My passion for financial planning goes way back. My dad was a first generation United States citizen. His folks came here from Russia looking for freedom and a better future. Coming from that environment, he was a pretty tough character. He went to great pains to prepare his sons (I am the oldest of three) for the realities of the world, particularly the financial challenges. On that note, in high school he had us pay a monthly stipend that he referred to as Mr. Chest.

      I worked my way through business school, and I’ll never forget my junior year when money was extremely tight. I would have sold my plasma before asking my father for a loan, but one day I returned from the mailbox with a letter from the old man. That was unusual in itself because he was a man of few words. When I tore it open, I found a brief note wrapped around a check. It was all the money that I’d ever contributed to Mr. Chest over the years. That was my introduction to financial planning, and it couldn’t have been more powerful or timely. He taught me that life is all about balance. It’s a constant choice between living for today and preparing for tomorrow, always considering the what if. And that’s exactly how I spend my days. I empower my clients and show them that they have a big say in their destiny.

      As a financial planner practicing in Florida, I spend the majority of my time helping folks make smart decisions with their money. As my practice grew, I began to notice an interesting phenomenon. It was nothing I did consciously in my marketing or positioning, but nonetheless, I found the majority of my clients were women. An obvious factor is longevity…on average, women live longer. Men tend to do more stupid things (I don’t think there’s ever been a female featured in Jackass: The Movie!) and own more dangerous toys (I love my motorcycle!). Digging deeper though, I found that the majority of my female clients were not widows but divorcées, and they ran the spectrum of ages, from their 30s and 40s, all the way out to their 60s and 70s.

      Years back, a woman called me for financial advice regarding her impending divorce. It was early on in the process and like most, she was scared. She had no idea what her life would look like after her husband of 23 years told her that he had found another woman and would be seeking a divorce. I soon realized that, although I was a Certified Financial Planner, I lacked the specialized tools needed to fully evaluate all of her options. I did some research and found the Institute for Divorce Financial Planning and began the process of becoming a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA). It’s a comprehensive program of advanced study geared toward a practicing financial planner. It includes course work, case modules, and a comprehensive final case study, which is submitted to the Institute. Successful completion results in the CDFA designation. This study equips the certificant with the knowledge and tools needed to provide comprehensive guidance to a person in the divorce process and definitively answers the question, Will I be okay?

      I decided to commit myself to the process and the practice, and for the past six years I’ve specialized in helping women navigate the obstacles of divorce. It’s been a rewarding journey. Early on, I had a client share that she felt as if she were alone on a raft, racing down a wild river, hanging on for dear life. She was sure she’d end up over the side and lost among the rocks, foam, and current. My role is to be your guide, steering you around the rocks and keeping the crew paddling until you reach the calm pool at the river’s end safely.

      Chapter 2

      The What and Why of Divorce

      You Are Not Alone

      You’ve read the statistics, and the numbers aren’t pretty. The United States leads the developed world in divorce. About 50% of marriages end this way. Breaking it down further, 41% of first marriages end in divorce; this jumps to 60% in the case of second marriages and to a whopping 73% in third marriages. To put this in perspective, in the United States there is one divorce every 13 seconds. That translates to about 6,646 divorces per day, 46,523 per week, and nearly 2 ½ million divorces per year (1). And they aren’t cheap. If marriage is about love, divorce is about money. The Institute for Divorce Financial Analysis estimated that over $50 billion was spent on divorce in 2009 in North America alone.

      I bring this up simply to point out that, contrary to how you may currently feel, you are not a failure! It’s not your fault and it’s nothing that you did. The sad truth is that we live in a disposable culture. Many people think of their relationships in the same terms as their curtains. Don’t care for them anymore? Pull them down and get a new set. And though it takes two people to get married, it only takes one to divorce. This is one of the most difficult things for many to accept. We want to know the why. What is wrong with me? What can I do to fix things? How could we have ended up this way?

      But in many cases, the why will always remain a mystery. Like the death of a child, a natural disaster, or unexpected illness, many things just happen. Life is not fair, and bad things happen to good people. For those who are spiritual, consider reaching out to your pastor, priest, or rabbi. They have tremendous experience and extensive training and will likely provide useful insight and helpful guidance. They will also be able to refer you to other professionals who could help you get through the initial stresses.

      Additionally, it’s important to have a strong social network to provide support, love, and encouragement. Hopefully, you’ve got that one rock in your life to whom you turn when things get difficult. Whether it’s to a parent, a sibling, old friend, or therapist with whom you have an existing relationship, reach out. One thing for sure is that it will get better.

      Without getting too sappy or clichéd, I’ve seen again and again that the shutting of one door, even if inconceivable, has led to the opening of another, providing an amazingly better

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