Crap Dates: Disastrous Encounters from Single Life
3/5
()
About this ebook
Related to Crap Dates
Related ebooks
I'm More Dateable than a Plate of Refried Beans: And Other Romantic Observations Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5How to Appear Normal at Social Events: And Other Essential Wisdom Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsIt's Not My Fault: A Pangolin's Manifesto Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Grumpy Guide to Life: Observations by Grumpy Cat Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Texts from Bennett Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsStick Man's Really Bad Day Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5We Wish You a Poopy Christmas: Fudgy the Poopman's Collection of Christmas Classics Made Crappy Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsToday I F****d Up: A hilarious collection of worst day disasters Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTinder Nightmares Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I Could Pee on This, Too: And More Poems by More Cats Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Roommate Book: Sharing Lives and Slapping Fives Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Bedtime Stories for Cats Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5NYC Basic Tips and Etiquette Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/550 Boyfriends Worse Than Yours Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5How to Be a Cat Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Literary Starbucks: Fresh-Brewed, Half-Caf, No-Whip Bookish Humor Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5F*ck Whales: Also Families, Poetry, Folksy Wisdom and You Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5I Hate Everyone, Except You Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5F for Effort: More of the Very Best Totally Wrong Test Answers Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAtmospheric Disturbances: Scenes from a Marriage Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSad Animal Babies Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Cats Are Weird: And More Observations Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Hi, Anxiety: Life With a Bad Case of Nerves Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5You Can Only Yell at Me for One Thing at a Time: Rules for Couples Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Wombats Poop Cubes: Saturn Rains Diamonds, Pandas Fake Pregnancies, and Other Mind-Blowing Facts in Three Words or Less Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsShoes: Chocolate for the Feet Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The World's Best Dad Jokes for Kids Volume 3: Every Single One Illustrated Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsVery Short Stories: 300 Bite-Size Works of Fiction Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMan, I Hate Cursive: Cartoons for People and Advanced Bears Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5
Humor & Satire For You
The Best Joke Book (Period): Hundreds of the Funniest, Silliest, Most Ridiculous Jokes Ever Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Everything Is F*cked: A Book About Hope Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Sex Hacks: Over 100 Tricks, Shortcuts, and Secrets to Set Your Sex Life on Fire Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5101 Fun Personality Quizzes: Who Are You . . . Really?! Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The Best F*cking Activity Book Ever: Irreverent (and Slightly Vulgar) Activities for Adults Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5Solutions and Other Problems Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Tidy the F*ck Up: The American Art of Organizing Your Sh*t Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Mindful As F*ck: 100 Simple Exercises to Let That Sh*t Go! Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Everything I Know About Love: A Memoir Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Love and Other Words Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The Year of Living Biblically: One Man's Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Pimpology: The 48 Laws of the Game Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5My Favorite Half-Night Stand Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I Will Judge You by Your Bookshelf Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Screwtape Letters Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: the heartfelt, funny memoir by a New York Times bestselling therapist Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Go the F**k to Sleep Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I Can't Make This Up: Life Lessons Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar...: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Shipped Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5And Every Morning the Way Home Gets Longer and Longer: A Novella Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Swamp Story: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Be Perfect: The Correct Answer to Every Moral Question Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Anxious People: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Josh and Hazel's Guide to Not Dating Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Related categories
Reviews for Crap Dates
19 ratings3 reviews
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Absolutely worth it. A fine and welcome light hearted giggle.
- Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5I wasn't expecting to read a number of tweets randomly put together. They do not even follow each chapter... stopped reading it after 20 minutes.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Oddly hilarious and horribly depressing at the same time. Surely the human race is doomed in the face of such rampant, epic ineptitude as is demonstrated by these tales.
Book preview
Crap Dates - Rhodri Marsden
When it goes well, a date can be exhilarating.
An improbable spark suddenly fires, both of you realize that you have a connection above and beyond your favorite brand of dishwasher tablet, and invisible hearts start popping in the air around you.
But it’s not always like that. In fact, if we’re going to be honest, it’s hardly ever like that. And the more dates we go on (via newspaper ads, Internet sites, speed dating, and inappropriate blind dates set up by friends predisposed to cruelty) the higher the failure rate. That’s not me being cynical, I promise—it’s just statistics.
Yes, in theory, a period of relentless dating might improve your chances of meeting someone wonderful, but it mainly establishes a long line of people for you to spend disappointing evenings with while you wait for the right person to come along.
There’s a positive outcome to emerge from the crammed diary of the hopeful singleton, however, and that’s the extraordinary stockpile of anecdotes detailing all the times it went badly wrong. Whether you disliked the other person, they disliked you, or you found some kind of grim solidarity in your mutual loathing, that unique and acute social discomfort becomes seared into your memory. The stories become dinner party staples as your grim experiences, mellowed by time, transform into comedy gold.
As I walked down the A24 in Clapham one Tuesday evening last year, I passed a bar that brought one dating memory of my own flooding back. It was from 2002—the very early days of Internet dating, a thrilling new social experiment as yet untainted by despondent cynicism. This girl and I quickly realized that we had nothing in common, save for speaking English and being a bit lonely. We were doomed to spend a long, excruciating evening together, and the silences became yawning chasms. She was from Wigan, a town in Greater Manchester, and I actually heard myself saying, in a moment of barrel-scraping desperation: So, what’s Wigan like, then?
I’d gotten into the habit of posting idle thoughts on Twitter rather than keeping them to myself, and that’s what I did that Tuesday evening: the story of my bad date, cut back to 140 characters. A couple of people sent theirs back, and I reposted them. Soon, the combined wit of the Twitter community generated a glorious stream of tweets, a cathartic explosion of storytelling. Stripped of extraneous detail, they became brilliantly funny one-liners, haiku-like in their beauty. This collection of stories went viral; by the end of that week