Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    There's a Pattern Here & It Ain't Glen Plaid (How to Get Out of a Bad Relationship and Get in Good with Yourself)
    There's a Pattern Here & It Ain't Glen Plaid (How to Get Out of a Bad Relationship and Get in Good with Yourself)
    There's a Pattern Here & It Ain't Glen Plaid (How to Get Out of a Bad Relationship and Get in Good with Yourself)
    Ebook126 pages2 hours

    There's a Pattern Here & It Ain't Glen Plaid (How to Get Out of a Bad Relationship and Get in Good with Yourself)

    By Laurie Frankel

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    “...laugh-out-loud funny...great practical suggestions...A quirky, earnest guide to regaining self-esteem for the modern woman.” — Kirkus Reviews

    Many women grow up looking for their security and sense of well being outside themselves, typically in a love relationship with a man. Man comes, self esteem comes—you’re walking on sunshine. Man goes, literally or figuratively, self esteem goes—you’re walking where the sun don’t shine. Because a strong sense of self is never internalized, this cycle of searching for and losing the man who can supposedly ground you, is endless.

    But there’s hope. Learn to internalize a strong, healthy sense of self and self love and you will be a calm, confident and much more discerning mate seeker, for a women who truly values herself will find relationships, both platonic and romantic, that value her.

    So, things are crappy. Yay! I mean, yay, because now you’ve found the perfect book. Help is on the way.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherLaurie Frankel
    Release dateSep 10, 2014
    ISBN9780990575610
    There's a Pattern Here & It Ain't Glen Plaid (How to Get Out of a Bad Relationship and Get in Good with Yourself)
    Author

    Laurie Frankel

    Author, short-story writer and humorist, Laurie Frankel, knows pain is the root of all comedy and is thrilled her life is so damn funny. Her work has appeared in journals such as The Literary Review, Shenandoah and The Pedestal Magazine to name a few and is the author of "I Wore a Thong for This?!" and "There's A Pattern Here & It Ain't Glen Plaid". This former east coast gal, now residing on Planet OC, can be found saving the human race one love question at a time. Join the fun and visit her at http://laurieslovelogic.com

    Related to There's a Pattern Here & It Ain't Glen Plaid (How to Get Out of a Bad Relationship and Get in Good with Yourself)

    Related ebooks

    Personal Growth For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      Come Together

      May 27, 2020

      Come Together
      6 min read

    • Article

      A Call To Courage

      Feb 9, 2020

      A Call To Courage
      6 min read

    • Article

      Be Wise, Be True

      Jun 8, 2021

      This issue, we have a bevy of brilliant women beaming out their wisdom. ‘You try to help people shine a light on the darkness out there and in the dark spots of their own lives,’ says Dolly Parton to Brené Brown on page 38. Honest and authentic, Lisa

      1 min read

    • Article

      It’s Been A Long Road

      Jun 3, 2021

      Jolie files for divorce after accusing Pitt of being abusive towards son Maddox on a flight. Amid police and social services investigations, Pitt is cleared of any wrongdoing. “We’ll always be a family,” Jolie says in a BBC interview. Pitt ope

      1 min read

    • Article

      The Healing Power Of CRYSTALS

      Jan 26, 2021

      During a recent interview, The Duchess of Sussex gave the public a peek into her inner sanctum and delighted wellness advocates. Peeping out from behind Meghan was a chunk of what appeared to be celestine, and crystal fans clocked it at once. Celesti

      1 min read

    • Article

      12 Ways To Stay Connected

      Mar 3, 2021

      12 Ways To Stay Connected
      5 min read

    • Article

      Top 3 Podcasts To Build Resilience

      Feb 27, 2022

      The ultimate courage booster, this Spotify podcast is based on Brené Brown’s bestselling book, Dare to Lead. Brené talks to leaders at every level who discuss confidence, resilience and daring leadership. brenebrown.com/podcast-show/ dare-to-lead/

      1 min read

    • Article

      Taking Back Your Mind: A Practical Approach to Stress & Anxiety Relief

      Feb 9, 2021

      Estimated reading time: 7 minutes — Pre-pandemic, I was at a dinner with friends. The music was pleasant, the food tasty, and the company divine. It’s rare this particular group gathers together so it felt like a real treat. At some point, the topic

      4 min read

    • Article

      Got That Blah Feeling?

      Jul 14, 2021

      Got That Blah Feeling?
      3 min read

    • Article

      How It Works

      Jul 6, 2021

      In the book ‘Words Can Change Your Brain’ (Penguin, £9.99), neuroscientist Andrew Newberg and co-author Mark Robert Waldman explain: ‘A single word has the power to influence the expression of genes that regulate physical and emotional stress.’ They

      1 min read

    • Article

      Life Skills: Here’s How To Handle Discussing Politics During The Holidays

      Nov 23, 2020

      Q: With the holidays around the corner, should you discuss politics? A: We negotiate politics across our interpersonal relationships everyday, whether they be familial, romantic, platonic and professional. There are certain family dynamics we’re cogn

      2 min read

    • Article

      Letter Of Gratitude

      May 11, 2021

      I wrote this poem just to say Thank you for making me smile each day For your one-of-a-kind humour, your unique wit For bringing me to tears of laughter until my sides split For helping clear away the fog For bringing clarity For wh

      2 min read

    • Article

      Deck The Halls!

      Nov 22, 2022

      Deck The Halls!
      2 min read

    • Article

      Paddling the Katherine

      May 5, 2021

      Paddling the Katherine
      7 min read

    • Article

      What Is Social Anxiety?

      Oct 22, 2015

      What Is Social Anxiety?
      6 min read

    • Article

      YOUR STARS for 2021

      Dec 10, 2020

      YOUR STARS for 2021
      9 min read

    • Article

      A Lesson in Letting Go

      Dec 24, 2018

      A Lesson in Letting Go
      5 min read

    • Article

      Why We Need to Read the Literature of Incarceration

      Sep 25, 2019

      The U.S. holds five percent of the world’s population yet nearly 25 percent of incarcerated people. Here are five books that tell their overlooked stories. The post Why We Need to Read the Literature of Incarceration appeared first on The Millions.

      8 min read

    • Article

      Perchance To Sleep

      Jan 12, 2020

      Perchance To Sleep
      3 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for There's a Pattern Here & It Ain't Glen Plaid (How to Get Out of a Bad Relationship and Get in Good with Yourself)

    0 ratings

    0 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      There's a Pattern Here & It Ain't Glen Plaid (How to Get Out of a Bad Relationship and Get in Good with Yourself) - Laurie Frankel

      THERE’S A PATTERN HERE...

      AND IT AIN’T GLEN PLAID

      how to get out of a bad relationship and get in good with yourself

      Laurie Frankel

      Copyright 2014 by Laurie Frankel

      Smashwords Edition

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems—except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—without permission in writing from its author, Laurie Frankel.

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer. Thank you for your support.

      Trademarks: All brand names and product names used in this book are trademarks, registered trademarks, or trade names of their respective holders.

      TABLE OF CONTENTS

      INTRODUCTION

      SECTION I—You Talkin’ to Me?

      Chapter 1: Who Moved My Self Esteem?

      Chapter 2: The Dating Drinking Game—a story

      Chapter 3: The Crappy Relationship Club

      SECTION II—Stuck by Choice

      Chapter 4: The Five People you Meet (in your own little Hell) on Earth

      Chapter 5: Kili Me Softly—a story

      Chapter 6: I Want Therefore I am…Left Wanting

      Section III—Ah, Go Unstuck Yourself!

      Chapter 7: Your Unhappy Place

      Chapter 8: A Mother and Child (and Disco) Reunion—a story

      Chapter 9: Make New Mistakes but Keep the Old

      Chapter 10: Resistance, Denial and the Funky Chicken

      Section IV: I Think I’m Alone Now

      Chapter 11: Always Look on the Bright Side of Crap

      Chapter 12: Lights out in White—a story

      Chapter 13: And the Patterns Played On

      Chapter 14: The Thrill of Victoria’s Secret

      Section V: The Great Beyond

      Chapter 15: Let’s Get Physical

      Chapter 16: I Love Me, I Love Me Not—a story

      Chapter 17: Self Esteem for All Seasons

      Chapter 18: Happy (self esteem) Birthday!

      Appendix FAQs

      INTRODUCTION

      Many women grow up looking for their security and sense of well being outside themselves, typically in a love relationship with a man. Man comes, self esteem comes—you’re walking on sunshine. Man goes, literally or figuratively, self esteem goes—you’re walking where the sun don’t shine. Because a strong sense of self is never internalized, this cycle of searching for and losing the man who can supposedly ground you, is endless. Unfortunately, the pain and loneliness are endless, too.

      But there’s hope. Learn to internalize a strong, healthy sense of self and self love and you will be a calm, confident and much more discerning mate seeker, for a women who truly values herself will find relationships, both platonic and romantic, that value her.

      And that’s the gist of this book. If you were looking for another gist please put this book down and try, How to Find a Man in 60 Seconds or maybe it’s called, The 60-second Man. I can’t remember.

      Read this book if:

      -You or a friend (wink) are in a crappy relationship,

      -You just got out of a crappy relationship,

      -For reasons unrelated to anyone/thing in particular, you just feel crappy about yourself.

      I include the last line above because it refers to a relationship as well—the one you have with yourself—which, depending how it’s going, can be directly responsible for items one and two. Rest assured, as long as there’s something lousy going on, you’ve come to the right place.

      Just so we’re clear: What is a crappy relationship exactly?

      Quite plainly, are you happy? Not jump-around-like-a-lobotomized-idiot happy but generally content with the state of your union? Do you feel respected, supported and loved? Great, stop reading and proceed into the sunset. If, on the other hand, you feel neither respected, supported nor loved then you, my dear, are part of The Club. Read on.

      NOTE: If your mate beats you, your children or the dog, that’s an abusive relationship—get out now, seriously. Search the internet for a social service agency near you (key words: women’s shelter and your city).

      And if you’re still not crystal clear, for the purposes of this book an unacceptable relationship is one in which you are:

      -Denigrated and/or

      -Treated disrespectfully and/or

      -Talked to disparagingly and/or

      -Cheated on and/or

      -Completely and utterly dependent like an iron-deficient woman in a Jane Austen novel, as in if you had a fainting couch you would go faint on it. Right. Now.

      It’s important to note, this book is not about saving rocky relationships. Say, for whatever reasons, the two of you make each other’s existence a living hell, but it’s an equal partnership, a 50/50 joint venture. That’s nice, but save it for Masochists Anonymous, because I’m not interested. In fact, I’m not the least bit interested in the other person in your relationship. I am only interested in you and your relationship with yourself.

      Relationship with yourself. Wha? Huh? Sounds a bit new agey, doesn’t it? You’re bracing for the patchouli, right? Well, don’t. Instead, think of it like this: Pretend you are on a boat at sea. All the people in your life are on separate boats out at sea with you. Everyone’s having a great time riding the waves, enjoying the ocean air. Life is good except you’ve allowed one of the other boats to keep your anchor, (the thing that allows you to be grounded, get it?)—great idea as long as the weather cooperates and everyone is on the same course, but what happens when a squall comes up, out of nowhere, as squalls do? You need to drop anchor to ride out the storm but, oops, your anchor is on another boat and that boat is incommunicado. There you are, tossed at sea, headed God knows where, pissed off at the boat that has the anchor. But you gave that boat your anchor. What were you thinking?

      Just in case you’re still not ready to admit you are suffering from an awful relationship I’ve compiled a list of common deal-breaking relationship violations (many of which I’ve been lucky enough to personally experience). Sometimes when you see you’ve made the cut it becomes that much more real. You feel special (in a bizarre way you’d only admit to your shrink) and then empowered to take action.

      You know you might want to begin thinking about your relationship in the past tense when:

      -He only calls when he’s on the road returning calls,

      -After being an hour late without phoning, his apology maker, in need of repair, sounds like this, Yeah, I know. That’s just how my work is,

      -You ask him if he ever thinks about you when you’re not together and he says, No,

      -You are fourth or further on his to do list, i.e. Let’s play squash at 9p after my Iron John meeting,

      -He cheats and says it will never happen again...with that girl,

      -He tells you his wife divorced him because she was too insecure,

      -He used to court you with flowers; now he apologizes with them…again and again,

      -His idea of relaxing is beer, all six of them,

      -He withholds sex and then you find him in a private spank session,

      -His idea of a compliment is, You look nicer than you did last night,

      -He buys sixteen hotdogs from the bikinied Czech girl on the beach, sixteen separate times,

      -His yearly expenditure on you is equal to an economy pack of Big Red.

      I think you get the picture and congrats if you made the list—you know who you are! So, things are crappy. Yay! I mean, yay, because now you’ve got the perfect book in your hands. Help is on the way.

      PC note: Because of my heterosexual orientation, I will not assume to know what it’s like to be in an LGBTQ relationship. While I hope my perspective, stories and advice can help many, because I am straight, I will make male/female gender references throughout this book.

      SECTION I: You Talkin’ to Me?

      CHAPTER 1: Who Moved my Self Esteem?

      Unless you were raised by corn, chances are, there was a time, even if ever so briefly, when you felt confident and secure. Someone at some point in your upbringing lavished praise on you for something you did and that just plain made you feel good. Chances are you didn’t get enough hooray you! but that’s the memory lane we’re sweeping here.

      Sometimes you have to look waaay back to find your early proud moments, the foundation of your happy place, like the first time you:

      -Sang Que Sera, Sera, out loud with your best friend and

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1