Adventures of a Runamuk Mom, The Early Years

Introduction

In December 2010 I was given the gift of stay-at-home motherhood. For almost a decade I defined myself as a working mom with three kids. I had a non-profit fundraising job that I loved. And then, the organization I worked for re-organized (which means they gave me the choice of a demotion and a 22% pay cut or leaving). After realizing we were making the equivalent of a mortgage payment each month in childcare, and barely breaking even on my salary, I chose a 100% pay cut.

When I decided to leave my job, my husband’s first words were:

Most moms cherish the ability to stay home with their kids. . . I cried for two weeks terrified I would have no idea what to do with these three beings I brought into this world. I could not fathom what to do when I didn’t have daycare as a buffer between them and me.

In early 2011 I looked for another job in the non-profit field, but the more time that I spent with my kids, the more I realized there was no way in hell I could pay anyone enough to take care of these crazy kids. It might have been that, or that every time I told them they had to go to after school care they cried and begged me not to send them there (at the time they were 4, 5 and 7). Not willing to completely give up my non-profit work, I became (and still am) a part-time fundraising consultant for various non-profits.

And that’s how I became a Recovering Working Mom, which is the name my blog first had.

As time went on I realized there was a whole lot of SH*T my stay at home Mommy friends hadn’t told me about this stay at home mom (SAHM) thing. I quickly learned that I had to come up with ways to entertain my kids so that they didn’t kill each other, or worse, destroy my house. I also learned that although I have a post graduate education, this hands on learning experience they call parenthood is by far the hardest job I will ever have!

In June 2011 I finally became brave enough to make my first blog post. I started the blog in order to entertain myself and keep friends and family up to date with the messes I managed to get myself into.

In 2012, we moved the children to a new house, new school, new friends, and as you can imagine, all holy hell broke loose. For months we had no furniture in several rooms. So the children (and their friends) were free to Runamuk. One very hot summer day a very dear friend said to me what is this, Camp Runamuk??

And so, a lifestyle was born. Much to my husband’s delight (or not so much), we now have regular Camp Runamuk sessions as well as other crazy Runamuk pursuits that I share on the blog in the hopes that someone will validate I’m not the only one who struggles with days when my greatest accomplishment is getting on clean underwear and a hairbrush through my hair (I’ve stopped attempting either of these things with the children).

It was through this new life that I also realized I had gone from Recovering Working Mom to Runamuk Mom. Constantly entertaining my kids and their friends, running from one activity to the next and so grateful for 15 minutes to go to the bathroom! I figured out that whether I work outside the home or as a never at home mom (aka SAHM), I’m always running amuk. So, I changed the name of the blog to www.runamukmom.com.

Now, in addition to family fun, the blog is a way to share and engage others in lessons learned about everything from fun to health to charity and anything in between.

This book is a compilation of the blog’s greatest hits as well additional tips and tricks (or as I affectionately call it, the Sh*t I’ve learned the hard way) along my journey from competent, post graduate educated career mom to mush brained blundering Mommy who is NOT smarter than a 5th grader!

. . . and the Sticky Notes . . . those I added because I don’t know about other mommies, but for this Mommy, the most important reminders are jotted down (usually in a rush) and put somewhere I can’t miss them – usually on the back door, car door or child’s forehead!!

I hope you enjoy our adventures. I also enjoy hearing about other people’s mommy adventures, particularly those that don’t go quite as we plan. If you are like me and have a forehead slapping moment that you wish you could share, please e-mail me at themom@runamukmom.com.I’d love to hear from you (and make you feel better, because trust me, we’ve all been there)!

Disclaimer

(My editor made me do this)

Following are true stories that are not for the faint of heart or easily offended. If you have delusions of a gushing Mommy who enjoys her kids every minute of the day and must be with them 24/7, then you have never lived with miniature versions of yourself and acquiesced to the fact that you are their b!tch.

These are tales from the parental underbelly that should probably never be told or admitted in public. You WILL feel better about your parenting skills after reading this, but more than that I hope you find some golden nuggets that will help you entertain your children and laugh at yourself along the way.

And every once in a while I added a list of the sh*t I wish people had told me about sooner!

One final warning, there is an F bomb or two or six hundred (we lost count); this word, although sometimes used for emphasis, often times is the only thing that comes to mind when you hear words like lice!

Top 7 Stay @ Home Mom Secrets

(The Sh*t no one warned me about.)

1) Girls Night Out is code for essential therapy without which I would actually eat my young.

2) Stay at home mom is actually code for at the gym, grocery store, dance studio, soccer field, (insert child's activity location here), child's classroom, and any of the other 15 places I'm needed OTHER than home.

3) Hurry up and wait is a way of life.

4) The time you actually sit down when you're at home is less than 45 minutes, and all of those minutes are spent in the car on your way to the activities you decided would make your kids well rounded.

5) Those closets you thought you'd clean out are still as cluttered as ever, and might be more so because you are home now so you can stuff a bunch more crap in them.

6) The exhaustion you feel is because you have just been verbally poked for hours straight by miniature versions of yourself.

7) If the CIA wants an effective form of torture - they should lock terrorists in a minivan at 4pm with three children who have not had a snack or a nap.

Priceless quote:

Mom, did you find a job yet? I hope not. – The Ego, age 7

Introducing . . . the Trifecta

Here’s a little blogging trick . . . When I was a few months into the blog I realized that I didn’t want to use the children’s real names. So I decided to use the nicknames that sprung out of an observation made by Husband from Heaven (my nickname for my husband) when the baby was 2 1/2. The voice of his high school psychology teacher came back to him when he realized our children perfectly fit Freud's descriptions of the Superego, Ego and Id.

The Superego = our oldest – the textbook definition of the Superego is the conscience that creates our belief in right and wrong. This part of us develops because of moral and ethical restraints placed on us by our parents.

As the oldest she is, of course, always reminding her sisters about how wrong it is for them to do something, or how her way is the right way. Such as in this photo, where she convinced her sisters to act like mischievous leprechauns and not allow their photos to be taken. Nevertheless, the Superego is the conscience that often reminds her sisters of the consequences of pushing Mommy over the edge. As far as restraining this child, as you read on, you’ll see just how miserably we’ve failed at that.

The Ego = the middle child is defined in textbooks as appreciating the needs and desires of others. She also understands that being impulsive or selfish can hurt us in the long run. The Ego meets the needs of the Id while also evaluating the reality of the situation.

The Ego is very sensitive and in tune with what happens around her. Whether she actually appreciates the needs of her sisters depends on the day. But, she is usually the one who mediates and gives in quickly. She usually finds out that being impulsive or selfish hurts when your sister clobbers you for taking her toys. But, as in this photo, the Ego does try to be there for her sisters, but the reality of Godzilla appearing on the screen is just too scary.

The Id = our baby – is defined in textbooks as wanting what feels good at the time without thought to reality.

Yup, no consideration for the reality of what happens when a marker meets your face. As you read on you’ll see that there’s no need to elaborate. Her photos and words speak for themselves!

Runamuk Survival

Confessions from a Multi-tasking Mommy

This is what I’ll call the why the f*&# didn’t anyone ever mention that section. The following tips, tricks and confessions come from over a decade of learning the hard way about:

a) why what to expect books stop RIGHT BEFORE you actually give birth (Spoiler Alert – it’s because you’ll be scared sh*tless and everyone would get themselves sterilized if they knew the truth);

b) what really happens when Mommy is away and the Nana has unfettered access to sugar and your children;

c) why you need a whole new wardrobe to be at home;

d) why you should never spring clean your kids’ toy chest during PMS;

e) what happens when Mommy puts HERSELF in timeout;

f) what happens when we try to continue multi-generational lies about why the Tooth Fairy can’t get her sh*t together and show up on time;

g) why Pinterest is the modern day equivalent of a medieval torture device meant to make mommies feel inadequate;

And my personal favorite . . .

h) what happens when you send the kids to school and subject yourself to judgment and ridicule;

CHILDBIRTH & EARLY YEARS

(The Sh*t those What to Expect books conveniently leave out!)

Lesson #1: Despite all your planning, your mini-me will f*&# with you from the very beginning

Although my blog began when I was well into my tenure as a mom, there are a few lessons that emblazoned on my brain and set the stage for why I continue to write the blog. All those omissions that I am now learning the hard way.

Starting with what