Simple Steps to Change: Your Business, Your Life
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About this ebook
“If you've ever wondered why you really work long hours or why it's so hard to change even though you want to, this is the book to read!”
-Syble Solomon, Executive Coach,
Founder of Money Habitudes
There’s often an awakening moment when we realize that our business or our life would be markedly enhanced if we simply did things in a different, better way. Whether someone else pushed us or we kick-started ourselves, now we need a plan. Simple Steps to Change steps up to that moment to show you how to take a suggestion or desire and turn it into a new habit, a more productive behavior or an effective process to nurture change.
As any good business or sports coach will tell you—and Jay Livingston practices in both arenas—developing new habits takes more than just desire and motivation. In fact, motivation often follows rather than leads to concrete actions. Simple Steps to Change is full of concrete, actionable suggestions.
Want to feel motivated? It may be as simple as standing up, taking a step or doing the smallest bit of a project. Are you resisting a change in your habits that has the potential to create more satisfaction, health or an easier relationship? Your resistance may actually be protecting you—the important question is from what?
Livingston gives readers a choice of paths through this book; skip to the basic “try this” listings of annotated hints or delve into portions covering the history and science of change. These foundation sections will help you understand why we tend to resist good ideas and repeat unsuccessful behaviors. Even these “background” sections are more like executive reviews of some of the latest research and thinking on learning new skills and behaviors in the face of our biological tendency to conserve time and energy saving habits.
The ideas in Simple Steps to Change range from how to almost accidentally get to work on time, to how to initiate tough conversations. There are sections on bringing your emotions under better control and how to simplify lists and tasks. If you implement even a small fraction—maybe just one idea—of the possibilities outlined here you may well find your work day nudged toward more enjoyable and your life less stressful.
“Jay offers an easy-to-digest, impressive array of options and solid, actionable steps to bring about the change you desire.”
-Anne Jolles, International Coach Federation New England Life Coach of the Year and Recipient of Director’s Award for Distinguished Service
Simple Steps to Change reminds us again and again that simple is more effective, requires less motivation, and is more likely to be sustainable. Simple actions shine a spotlight on the precise stumbling blocks and suggest potential solutions. Keep it simple and end up with a new habit!
What Others are Saying about Simple Steps to Change
“...easy to digest synthesis of cutting edge research and thinking...”
“...so many practical, easy to implement ideas.”
“...equally helpful to the business or non-business person.”
“Jay Livingston has his finger directly on the pulse of lasting, meaningful change-for-the-better!”
“Simple Steps to Change helps us rise beyond the short-term impulses and convoluted thinking that has trapped so many of us for far too long.”
“Jay hands us clear, actionable ways forward, step by thoughtfully laid out step.”
“A terrific resource for therapists who are trying to help clients make behavioral changes.”
“Small steps can become great strides over time. With simple suggestions, Jay nudges us toward taking the steps necessary to continually assess and revise the areas in our lives that we'd like to improve, without the fear of overwhelming ourselves.”
“A tremendous body of knowledge synthesized into a practical and user-friendly guide. This is one book you will reference frequently!”
Jay Livingston
Jay has learned to live his life more fully through many iterations of careers, sports, and interpersonal relationships. He taught writing and has been writing professionally for over forty years. Subjects have roamed from technical writing to managerial self-help books. He has ghost-written for professional publications, niche magazines, and blogs. Jay has a master's in counseling psychology, which was more useful than an English degree, but less helpful than all the lessons he learned from his loyal dogs, sailing, and bikes.It's possible to get a sense of how he may have spread himself a bit thin by hearing that he was a master mechanic, a prize-winning wooden boat restorer, the head of a hospital's emergency response team, a certified EMT, a sailboat delivery captain, an acclaimed dog behaviorist, and an executive coach to nationally recognized sports, business, and performance professionals. Along with ten or more lesser jobs. All of which, have informed his coaching and writing practices. In his sports life Jay backpacks, successfully races small sailboats, and chases fitness on both a tandem and a single bike. The sport of bicycling offers him opportunities to pursue marginal gains in both his fitness and riding technique.He's particularly interested in how to motivate practice and change. His previous book is Simple Steps to Change Your Business, Your Life. His soon-to-be-published books include How to Improve Your Racing Performance in Small Sailboats, and Simple Steps to Stop Procrastinating and Start Riding: Improve Your Motivation, Habits, Persistence, Endurance and Mental Game..Part of his life vision is to continually balance his personal, interpersonal, and professional life.
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Book preview
Simple Steps to Change - Jay Livingston
SIMPLE STEPS TO CHANGE
YOUR BUSINESS AND LIFE
Jay A. Livingston, MA
Master Coach
Management Consultant
Copyright 2014 by Jay Livingston
Smashwords Edition
Published by Bates and Hall
LivingstonServices.com
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without clearly written acknowledgement of the source including author and book title. Brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews are, of course, encouraged. For information, contact Bates and Hall, 6 Courthouse Lane, Unit #5, Chelmsford, MA 01824
For Szifra Birke
My Coach and Wife
Table of Contents
Detailed Table of Contents
Enjoy the Ride
Why Read This?
Section 1: Getting Started
Section 2: Change is a Part of Life
Section 3: But Not Just Any Change
Section 4: Self-Discipline Doesn't Have To Be an Olympic Sport
Section 5: Ways to Make Change Easier
Section 6: Change with Almost No Effort
Section 7: Keep Your Resistance in Check
Section 8: Temper Your Emotional Reactions
Section 9: Use the Clout of Simple Lists
Section 10: Increase Your Productivity
Section 11: Start Saying What Needs to be Said
Section 12: Making Better Decisions
Section 13: Encouraging Employees to Tell You the Truth
Section 14: Change Who You Hire
Section 15: Change How You Use Electronics
Section 16: Change Jobs
Section 17: Get the Sleep You Need
Section 18: Start an Exercise Program
Section 19: Change the Way You Eat
Section 20: Learn a New Skill; Perfect an Old One
Section 21: Changing Others
Conclusion
Acknowledgments
Author's Biography
Bibliography
Detailed Table of Contents
Enjoy the Ride
Why Read This?
Section 1: Getting Started
Section 2: Change is a Part of Life
Old Habits Let Us Relax
How You Think is How You Feel
Ideas to ponder
Section 3: But Not Just Any Change
What from My Past Might Be Leading Me to Blindly Resist or Accept This Change?
Does This Change Feel Like It is in My Interest or Someone Else's?
Does This Fit with Where I Want to Be or What I Want to Be Doing in Two Years?
Does This Deplete My Energy or Distract Me from What I'm Currently Engaged In?
Section 4: Self-Discipline Doesn't Have To Be an Olympic Sport
Make a Little Change
Start a Very Simple New Activity
Don't Lose Track of Your Breathing
Physical Activity Is Worth Bonus Points
Section 5: Ways to Make Change Easier
Repeat, Repeat, and Repeat Again
Slow Down
Section 6: Change with Almost No Effort
Change the Physical Environment
Make Choosing Easy
Make Your Organizing Tools Easy to Use
Section 7: Keep Your Resistance in Check
Your Resistance May be Protecting You
Do It for Yourself
Persistence is Resistance's Enemy
Call It Names
Just Stand Up
Hire a Professional Resistance Fighter
More Resistance Can be a Good Sign
Section 8: Temper Your Emotional Reactions
Rehearse What You Want to Do and Be
Take One Hundred Percent Responsibility for the Change
Set Small, Discrete Goals
Identify Activities or Memories that Calm You
A Few Other Techniques
Until You Deal with Your Feelings, It's Hard to Ignore Them
Section 9: Use the Clout of Simple Lists
Keep a List
Make Your Tasks Easy to Start Doing
Which System Should You Use to Track Tasks?
Review Your Lists
What to Do When You Have a Task You're Resisting Doing
Section 10: Increase Your Productivity
Start with Small Things That Can Make a Big Difference
Complexity Will Trip You Up
Does It Happen a Lot?
Rebuild Valuable Alliances
Pick the Right Issue to Start On
Keep Everything Simple
Make It Easy to Start
Get to Work on Time
Get Home on Time
Get the Most Out of Your Day
Take Appointments with Yourself Seriously
Start Your Day with a Routine
Schedule Unscheduled Time
Schedule Review Time
Set Aside Time to Plan
Organizing Your Work Space
Start and Finish Projects on Time
Say No to New Projects and Responsibilities
Section 11: Start Saying What Needs to be Said
Don't Try to Get Agreement too Soon
First Understand, Then Resolve
Listen Before You Leap
Creating a Safe Space for a Hard Conversation
Section 12: Making Better Decisions
Four Major Forms of Decision-Making
How to Sell
Your Team on a New Idea
Section 13: Encouraging Employees to Tell You the Truth
Responding to Mistakes
Section 14: Change Who You Hire
Section 15: Change How You Use Electronics
TV (cable, online, or on-demand)
Cell phone
Internet
Section 16: Change Jobs
Projects That Prep You for a Job Search
Section 17: Get the Sleep You Need
Three Concrete Steps for Combating Sleep Deprivation
Establish a Routine
Section 18: Start an Exercise Program
Tips to Get Started on an Exercise Program
Section 19: Change the Way You Eat
Section 20: Learn a New Skill; Perfect an Old One
Section 21: Changing Others
It is Possible to Change People Without Their Buy In
You Can Change Your Supervisor or Partner
Rewards and Acknowledgements
Arrange Office Systems and Equipment
Patience for the Small Steps
Don't Let Success Raise Your Expectations Too Quickly
Strategize the Next Steps
Use Negatives Judiciously
Conclusion
Hire a Coach
Acknowledgments
Author's Biography
Bibliography
Enjoy the Ride
I set aside the time. I cleared my schedule. The weather is good. But instead of getting dressed and going for a bicycle ride, I'm leaning on the counter in my kitchen, thinking. I made the decision to ride last week, so why am I leaning here re-deciding?
I left an open spot in my client-coaching schedule. I set aside plenty of time. I told my wife I was going for a ride. And yet here I am considering it again. This is not the time to re-decide. I know better than to let my emotions hijack a decision. But is inertia an emotion, or an anti-emotion? What is clear is that I'm buffeted by short-term impulses and convoluted thinking. That's never a good time to rethink a decision.
Why am I stuck in doubt? There's nothing else I have to do. I was motivated earlier when I planned this ride. I knew what I wanted to do—ride to Westford and back at a moderate pace at a high pedal-spin rate. I'm just not able to initiate the action plan. The mental doohickey that transforms being
into doing
seems stuck on idle. I'm standing here frozen in a Parkinsonian-like inertia; I need a nudge to move.
I have lots of really good long-range goals, all of which would benefit from a ride today. I want to log a total of 1,200 miles on my road bike this year. My brain functions best on regular shots of the growth hormones that I'll get from the exercise. I want to build additional stamina into my aerobic endurance. I want to push further away the inevitable time when age diminishes my abilities. All these are goals that I personally find important and motivating— usually.
But apparently facts, good intentions, or goals aren't enough. I'm encased in a soft pudding of inertia. I can get into this kind of mind-mush when I push against resistance, or try to establish a new routine. I didn't ride for three months this winter. I no longer have a riding routine. Not riding took very little brain effort. Now, the small decisions and conscious actions needed to reestablish the routine are draining my will-power reserves quickly. I want to eat. I want to sit. I want to read. I don't want to do anything.
In order to establish forward momentum, I need to come up with a step that will take minimal effort but create sustained activity. The simplest step I can think of is to just pump up my bike tires. Fine! I'll just do that.
Since I'm at the bike, I might as well also fill my water bottles. The small steps are working. I'm moving and now and it's easy to keep going. I head to the bedroom for my riding gear. No thinking necessary, just next action followed by next action.
This is what I teach my clients to do when they're frozen with inertia. Just act! Stand up. Take a step. Walk around. Research something. Talk to someone. Just do something. Concrete action creates momentum. I needed to take a next step. I needed to move into action just a bit. And then I needed to pay attention to what happened when I acted, what it felt like, what I learned for next time.
I kept moving, and that morning I rode about thirty miles in two hours. I changed from a slug to an athlete. When I returned home and dismounted in the driveway, my inertia had been replaced by a glow of satisfaction. I love being on the road on my bike. I love the sensation of my quads driving a fine piece of equipment up a significant hill. The quiet whir of bike tires on smooth pavement resets my distress level to zero.
The accumulated miles, the exercised induced growth hormones, the increased aerobic capacity and the slowing of age-decline for another day are all things I savor after a ride. But the motivation that keeps the pedals spinning is the actual experience of riding.
Developing a new habit—changing—is simple but still involves effort. The process is full of waves of resistance and motivation but as straightforward as taking a next-action step. Development of a new habit is as concrete as digging a ditch and as difficult as redirecting the flow of a river. A new behavior is built pedal stroke by pedal stroke, next action by next action. Initially each push is uphill. The payoff is delayed. Until after a hundred strokes the terrain begins to drop away and you begin to freewheel faster and faster with no effort.
Enjoy the ride!
Why Read This?
You want to be a more organized and effective leader, manager, parent, or life partner. This book shows you how to become the person you want to be, and how to do that in simple, small steps.
There really are ways to make change easier.
You can learn to stick with changes after you make them. Even if you've failed many times before, this time you can change. If, however, you're looking for an approach that promises results with no work, I regret to inform you there are very few of those.
While change isn't rocket science, it is neuroscience. Research in this area (research is specified in the reading list at the book's end) points at how to work with your natural tendency to both change and to make things easy. Because our brains manage change and habits in predictable ways, you can learn techniques that take advantage of your biological tendencies and make the process of change easier.
Understanding the ideas I'll lay out will increase the odds that you will change and that it will be easier and more permanent than the changes you've tried to make in the past. The ideas and tools presented here are simple, easy to understand, proven by experience and based on current research.
Again, I'm not going to quote the research; if you're interested, see the list of books at the end that will help you find the original research. Research is a look at the general tendencies of a group of people, usually college students because they're easy for researchers to find. Research can give each of us a hint about how we may be affected by personal and social circumstances. Then we need to explore and see what works best for us. I encourage you to try the suggestions I lay out here and see if they work for you as they have for me and many of my clients.
Are you a person who likes overviews?
Some of you may like some theoretical background about why we have mixed feelings about change, why we resist it, or why we can't stick with a change we really do want to make. The first few sections will give you some overview that may help motivate, orient and guide you when you find yourself stuck or falling off the change wagon.
Do you like to just jump in?
Some of you just want a quick basic idea so you can get started now. If that works for you, you can always come back for more ideas or an overview later. Practical ideas form the basis of most sections. But you may want the background because it is easier to change if you not only understand exactly what you want, but what will stand in your way and how you can make the process easier and more effective. I encourage you to take the time to learn the basics underlying change. If you do, you may find it easier to stay on track.
You can certainly change by yourself.
But, for many people, the change process will be even more effective with the support of a group or a professional. If you decide to do that, be sure you look for support that points forward and moves you ahead (too much replaying of past troubles is usually counterproductive). And look for a person or group that uses an approach based on proven techniques not just common societal dogma.
You can change!
You've changed many times in the past; now you need to harness the power of