Through Spiritual Trials
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Through Spiritual Trials - Francis Wagner
Chapter I
How Spiritual Doubt Can Make Our Faith Stronger
By Br. Francis Wagner, O.S.B.
It was a child’s—and mother’s—nightmare. We were lost, and our mother was nowhere to be seen. I was six or seven years old at the time, my brother three years younger. Mom had taken us to the mall with her, and somehow we got separated.
My brother and I anxiously looked for our mother from one end of the mall to the other while she searched for us. My brother was crying, and I was frightened, too. Where was she? Maybe she had left us there. What would happen to us? Those were the questions in my mind as we continued walking and searching.
We were eventually reunited, to the relief of all. Our mother will be mortified to discover I’ve offered up this story for print, but in a very simple way it illustrates our journey of faith as Christians. I didn’t know where our mother was or how we would find her, but deep down I believed that she would never leave until we found one another. So we continued searching. However, I was full of doubt.
Working your way through
We walk by faith, not by sight,
writes St. Paul (2 Corinthians 5:7). For now we see in a mirror, darkly; but then face to face
(1 Corinthians 13:12). Ultimately, it is God’s face we seek, and it is a journey laden with doubt. Is there a God? Why did this happen? What is going to happen to me? Why am I here? What is God’s plan for me? Am I headed in the right direction?
It is in starting from the experience of the desert, from the void, that we can again discover the joy of believing, its vital importance for us. In the desert we rediscover the value of what is essential for living.
—Pope Benedict XVI
Each of us has asked these and similar questions. They transcend the circumstances giving rise to them and strike at the very core of our being. Yet, posing them sometimes prompts feelings of guilt. By asking such things—or by doubting—we can be tempted to feel that we have no faith at all.
However, "faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things unseen," promises the Letter to the Hebrews (11:1). It means believing without fully knowing or understanding. It means questioning while continuing to search, just like two lost children looking for their mother in a crowded mall.
Engaging doubt in faith. In philosophical and theological terms, such questioning means to consider with assent,
as St. Augustine put it. That is a far cry from voluntary, skeptical doubt. Thoughtful consideration with the goal of seeking understanding and doing God’s will—even amid mental unrest
—will always gain God’s abundant