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    Man Fail: Stupid Things Men Do
    Man Fail: Stupid Things Men Do
    Man Fail: Stupid Things Men Do
    Ebook144 pages1 hour

    Man Fail: Stupid Things Men Do

    By Marion Appleby

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    About this ebook

    In Man Fail, readers will find a fantastic selection of the side-splitting bloopers, mistakes and misunderstandings that have been boldly uttered by the male sex. Spanning from the rich and famous, to the everyday man on the street and with hilarious anecdotes that defy belief and typify the failings of the male species in general - examples include:
    'Half this game is 90 per cent mental.' (Danny Ozark, one-time Major League baseball manager)
    'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.' (Greg Norman, golfer)
    'If only faces could talk...' (Pat Summerall, sports broadcaster)
    This is a shamefully funny collection of male stupidity at its finest (and most embarrassing), guaranteed to have you laughing out loud!
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherMichael O'Mara
    Release dateNov 30, 2012
    ISBN9781843179856
    Man Fail: Stupid Things Men Do

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    • 5/5
      Very funny. Silly but funny. In fact you may even laugh out loud while you’re reading.

    Book preview

    Man Fail - Marion Appleby

    off.

    ROMANCE

    Stupid Cupids

    Men generally aren’t the most romantic of souls, but some chaps really do take the biscuit, as we’ll see in the following pages. Goodness knows what possessed one dumb dope to think pinching a stranger on the bottom was a viable substitute for a ‘How d’ya do?’, or why another lovesick fool thought it wise to bury his prospective (and, it seemed, very hungry) fiancée’s engagement ring inside a muffin . . .

    For Better or . . . Nah, Forget It

    Grooms, be warned – what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas, as one foolish reveller found out when he ‘dabbled’ on his stag weekend in Sin City. Having ‘hooked up’ with a lady to whom he was not betrothed, the blundering idiot then failed to cover his tracks, leaving incriminating texts on his mobile phone for his (lawyer) fiancée to find on his return. He decided to cancel the wedding, for which his bride-to-be had paid in full; she then decided to sue him for the entire cost of the ceremony, which came to a rather unromantic total of $62,814.

    Cheeky Boy

    If you must indulge in some bottom-pinching, it’s best to make sure that it’s a) someone you know, and b) not a policewoman. Sadly this didn’t stop Englishman Bradley Richards from giving Police Community Support Officer Claire Jones a quick nip on the arse after asking for her number. His sentence for common assault suggests she wasn’t so forthcoming.

    With This Muffin I Thee Wed

    Calling all would-be proposers – think long and hard before you hide the engagement ring in your future fiancée’s food. One poor Chinese chap learned the hard way when he hid a ring worth £500 in a muffin … and his girlfriend promptly ate the whole thing. Doctors had to perform endoscopic surgery to remove the bling. Said the romantic fool, ‘I’m not sure she will ever feel very comfortable wearing it, even though I spent hours cleaning it for her.’

    First-Date Jitters?

    A first date in North Carolina came to an abrupt end when the man somehow shot himself in the leg. Putting paid to any plans he might have had for coffee, the unfortunate chap managed to shoot himself after laying his hands on a gun located underneath his car seat as he prepared to drive his date home. Police ruled that the shooting was accidental, although they sadly failed to confirm whether the unlucky couple made it to a second date.

    Sibling Rivalry

    The groom at a wedding in India arrived at his own nuptials so intoxicated the bride refused to marry him. Proceedings, however, didn’t end in total disaster, as the bride decided to marry the groom’s (younger, more sober) brother instead. Although the intended groom apologized for his behaviour, his pleas were ignored and he was reported to have been seen crying and wailing about how he would never find another woman to marry him.

    Apple of His Eye

    A man in Zimbabwe was forced to serve up a whole tray of humble pie when he called a prostitute to his hotel room and opened the door to . . . his daughter. He collapsed to the floor in shock, his daughter bolted, and his wife admitted to newspaper reporters that their marriage was ‘troubled’.

    FAIL

    ‘The Internet is a great way to get on the Net.’

    Bob Dole, one-time Republican presidential candidate

    Target Practice

    Chivalry may not be dead, but, chaps, you might want to think twice before agreeing to carry your girlfriend’s gun. After offering to take care of his fiancée’s pink pistol during a trip to the supermarket, Joshua Seto experienced some difficulty securing the firearm and promptly shot himself in the crown jewels. According to reports, ‘It was unclear whether he suffered any permanent damage from the incident.’

    Baby Rage

    Although your first-born can induce a fair degree of stress, most don’t act as expectant father Charlie Humphreys from Bristol did. While driving his girlfriend to hospital, where she was due to give birth, the miscreant found himself embroiled in a road-rage incident that led him to punch a stranger repeatedly in the face. After a rather bizarre mix-up in which Humphreys mistakenly thought a car horn was being honked at him, he decided to leave his vehicle and assault another driver. Worse still, while he was doing so, one of his fellow passengers stole the victim’s car. Humphreys was sentenced to 200 hours of community service.

    Sorry Sandwich

    A cheating boyfriend took drastic steps to try to win back his girlfriend when he paraded around the centre of Brighton wearing a sandwich board that declared his guilt. With ‘I cheated on my girlfriend. I am humiliating myself to show I am sorry’ emblazoned on the front, and ‘I love her so much. I will do anything to get her back. I am sorry’ on the back, the

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