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    Don't File for Divorce Just Yet, What You Must Know First
    Don't File for Divorce Just Yet, What You Must Know First
    Don't File for Divorce Just Yet, What You Must Know First
    Ebook131 pages1 hour

    Don't File for Divorce Just Yet, What You Must Know First

    By Cheryl Taylor

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    About this ebook

    Broken hearted lovers are pawns in a tug of war between the heart and soul when they divorce. Divorce can be a scary and lonely process deflating your hope and self-assuredness. As a former Federal litigator, Cheryl Taylor goes beyond the facts and figures, adding dimension to the topic of divorce through her own personal experience. Don’t File for Divorce Just Yet, arms you with the knowledge, clarity and strength to make sound decisions about your future.

    “Reading this book is like having a kind friend walk you through the journey of divorce, and go over the heart of the issues instead of just the facts that a lawyer throws down. This author speaks to your doubts and fears, giving you hope to carry on.” ~ Simone Johanason

    “She’s not a lawyer who’s in it for the money. Cheryl walks you through the helpful and the emotional decisions that must be made. She helps you see clearer the decisions before you.” ~ Erica Cuffler

    “Cheryl speaks with love and with a heart for you to grow in the confidence of who you are as an individual so that you can make good decisions for yourself. No one can make these difficult choices for you, but Cheryl is by your side through it all. Don’t you need someone in your corner? ~ Page Reneau

    “Reading this book caused me to gain one thing I had lost... hope.” ~ Carissa Boudin

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherCheryl Taylor
    Release dateMay 28, 2014
    ISBN9781310925641
    Don't File for Divorce Just Yet, What You Must Know First
    Author

    Cheryl Taylor

    I feel compelled to do good with my writing, to create and deliver work that moves us forward as a society.Cheryl Taylor is an American writer, poet and Washington, DC-based attorney.She was born Cheryl Elizabeth Moat in Media, PA to US Postal workers, Geraldine and Donald Moat, a decorated Korean war veteran.Cheryl began writing at 15 years old. She attended Nether Providence High School in Wallingford, PA, and Howard University School of Business, before earning her law degree at Howard University School of Law. After law school, Cheryl worked as a Federal attorney for 14 years with various Federal agencies. Cheryl also worked with Mobil Oil Corporation and the University of Maryland at College Park.While working as an attorney and raising a family, Cheryl continued writing. Her first published work was Do I Stay in this Marriage? Smart Tools for Evaluating Your Relationship Right Now, published January 2012 (Re-named, Don't File Divorce Just Yet - What You Must Know First). Her second book is titled, Healing for Humanity - A Life Changing Devotional. She has also published an audio program, titled The Two Day Rehab Program. Her work is available through Lightning Source, Amazon and at www.cheryltaylorbooks.com.In addition to writing, her passions include her family, friends, kayaking, travel, tennis and music.Cheryl resides in the Washington, DC area with her two teenage sons.

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      Book preview

      Don't File for Divorce Just Yet, What You Must Know First - Cheryl Taylor

      Don’t File For Divorce Just Yet

      What You Must Know First

      By Cheryl Taylor, Esq.

      Copyright 2014 by Cheryl Taylor

      Smashwords Edition

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes

      This book is protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America. Any reproduction or other unauthorized use of the material or artwork herein is prohibited.

      This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      Cheryl Taylor Books

      324 Main Street, #222

      Laurel, MD 20707

      For more information please visit:

      www.cheryltaylorbooks.com

      For Mom, Donna, Lisa and

      Sweet Corn

      TABLE OF CONTENTS

      Acknowledgments

      Introduction

      PART I

      It Begins With You

      Faith, Prayer, and Meditation

      Gratitude

      Healthfulness

      Face Your Fears

      Do What Gets You Through

      Meet Your Needs

      Are Your Needs Getting Met Today?

      PART II

      Making the Decision

      Follow Your Dreams

      Is Your Life Better Because of Him?

      Pros and Cons

      Is That Us?

      Violent Communication

      Trial Separation

      PART III

      Staying

      Money

      Sex

      The Little Things

      Your Man and His Emotions

      Accepting What Is

      Learn to Love Your Man Again

      Communication

      PART IV

      Uncoupling

      Emotions

      Children

      Moving Out

      Finances

      Legal-Eaze

      Learning to Live Again

      ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

      "Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers."

      ROMANS 12:13

      There aren’t enough pages or words to express my gratitude for the love and support owed to those who made this book a reality. I will start with simply thanking God, whose power allowed me to create this book. Spirituality is the only word I can find to explain the force that compels me to write.

      I am grateful to my sons, Daren Alexander and Essien Smith, who bring an uncommon meaning to my life. Their kindness, curiosity, brilliance, beauty and strength are what I cherish most about them.

      A great amount of thanks is owed to my grandparents, Mary and Smith Johnson. My grandmother, who guided my life for 28 years, gave me a love of writing, through all the letters she wrote me. My grandfather gave me the gift of unshakeable optimism, and an entrepreneurial spirit.

      My mother taught me to always have fun, to travel and to read, for which I am grateful. My father did not live to see me graduate law school or finish this book, but he was proud of my role in my 6th grade play, so I know he’s smiling down on me now. I love both of my parents, and recognize how challenging it is to raise a creative strong- willed child.

      My sisters—Donna and Lisa, and their husbands, Clay and Shane—have been a reprieve for me over the past two years. They’ve opened their hearts and their homes, which means more than I am able to say. Kellee, Shahara and Lindsey, are my three wonderful nieces, who have three wonderful children. It is truly a joy to watch them as mothers. I am grateful to each of them. Madison and Q, I love you guys too.

      My extended family is huge, and provides a consistent source of love, strength and joy. Only Howard University, can throw a party like my family. For all the fun and love I owe big thanks to my uncle Freddy, a.k.a., Sweet Corn. I also thank my aunts Catherine and Laura, whose lives have taught me the importance of kind, consistent and unconditional love.

      To list the names of all my beloved cousins would fill the first chapter of this book. I will mention Joyce, Janet, Fred, Jeff, and Bubby—you guys have known me since I was a kid running around with high-waters and a snotty nose in Chester, PA.

      I have a host of girlfriends from Howard University, where I spent some incredible years learning about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Many of my closest friends are also my sorors from Alpha Chapter, Alpha Kappa Alpha, Sorority, Inc. We have an uncommon bond that started in the quad, on the yard and continues today. These women taught, and continue to teach, me the meaning of excellence and the power of friendship. Thank you guys for always keeping it real—straight, no chaser—Cindy, Tracey, Maria, Diann, Lil’ Kim, Mel, Renae, Chanda and Carolyn. Noah’s mom—thank you for being a living reminder of the power of a good vision board.

      Thank you Annette, Chris, Ruth and Ellsworth for all those summers at the beach where I was reminded that the best is yet to come and that true love really lasts forever.

      I thank Bishop T.D. Jakes for sharing his gift at FBCG, where he preached a sermon so powerful that it cleansed my spirit—giving me the power to clear my mind; body and soul in order finish this work. Tremendous gratitude is owed also to Pastor John K. Jenkins, Sr., who created a spark in me that has only yet begun to burn.

      From Baltimore to Utah to India, there are professionals to whom I am in awe of for their kindness and professionalism—David Fax, Robert Mercer, Christine at First Editing, Bhuvnesh and his team, and Blaine at Vervante. ~Cheryl Elizabeth Taylor Washington, DC April 2012.

      My Prayer

      God I ask that I may not disappoint myself

      That in my action I may soar as high

      As I can now discern with this clear eye

      BY HENRY DAVID THOREAU

      INTRODUCTION

      One shovel at a time. That’s what I told myself as I shoveled out from under the worst snow storm Washington, DC had seen in decades. I had just left my husband, and looking back now, the snow was symbolic of all the emotions I’d have to shovel through before I got to clarity. I’d never shoveled snow before. He’d always done that. For a minute, just one minute, I regretted having left him in winter.

      Still, as unprepared and confused as I was, I regretted the time of year I left him—not the fact that I left him. So somewhere inside me, I knew my decision had not been made in haste; still the unanswered questions flooded my head.

      Could I have planned better? Was this the right time? Can I really shovel all this snow with a utility shovel? These were my thoughts as I surveyed the white mounds of snow that blanketed my doorstep, the sidewalks, my car, and everything as far as I could see from the front door of my new home.

      Alone, single, hung over from too much red wine and dressed in layers of anything I could find, I cried a little as I pushed my utility shovel into what felt like clay instead of snow. It wasn’t until I’d shoveled enough to see my front steps that I realized that I might just see the sidewalk again and then maybe even my car. One shovel at a time. It was then that I realized that I might just make it through this horrific snowstorm, and if I could make it through that storm alone, then maybe, just maybe, I could make it out here on my own as a single mother.

      Yes, moving 30 inches of snow alone can be life altering, but it caused me to believe in me again. The me that went to law school. The me that ran my own bankruptcy practice. The me that survived two miscarriages within six months. Yeah, that me. The strong one. That storm wreaked havoc on us all, but it also brought with it an opportunity to regain my confidence and resilience—qualities I’d forgotten I possessed.

      Even though I had my confidence back, I had no idea what to do next. I’d already left, so I did not have to decide that. But, now what? I knew I would survive, but I wanted to thrive—to be the best I could be. The truth is that I hadn’t even written a check for an electric bill in 15 years. I was not prepared to leave, and so when I did I was scared and filled with doubts. This is no way to make a life- changing decision. So, I did what I do whenever I’m in doubt—I prayed. I didn’t even know what I was praying about. Then it came to me. I needed clarity—clarity to figure out if I had made the right decision, to figure out my finances, to make the right decisions about my life as a single person—clarity about everything.

      So, yes, I made it through the storm outside and the one inside of me. I have no doubt it was prayer that led me through this difficult time, then faith, then love of my children, family, and friends— and then intense reading in my local library. Yep, God helps those who help themselves. So, I did what I do best; I started researching and reading to find answers. I started reading everything I could so that I could learn about myself, about what went wrong in my marriage, and about how to get myself and my children to a healthy and whole place despite the divorce. What I couldn’t find in a book, I learned by trial and error. So I started writing down what I learned, which became the basis for this book.

      Soon after I finished my manuscript, I began to procrastinate. I let the book sit… and sit, and sit. Then one Sunday morning, I got the urge to attend

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