The Playboy Guide to Bachelor Parties: Everything You Need to Know About Planning the Groom's Rite of Passage-From Simple to Sinful

One

Planning Basics

Introduction

There are two types of bachelor parties.

The first is the traditional, stereotypical, female-form-fetish-izing, push-the-limits fest and includes any or all of the following: booze, porno films, strippers, escorts, gambling, drinking games, and sworn secrecy. You can experience any combination of these diversions in a hotel, strip club, or bar. I refer to this is an R-rated party.

The second type of bachelor party—growing in popularity—rejects the depravity. There are no crazy moments where piss-drunk Pete wears a dildo on his head and uses it on the hired help. Instead, a bunch of friends spend an evening or whole weekend bonding in the midst of more benign activities. This is a PG-rated party.

Within the latter group, there are three categories: outdoorsy/ athletic, swanky, and inexpensive. These include baseball games, fishing trips, boat parties, golfing jaunts, laser tag/paintball excursions, camping trips, extreme sports, billiards nights, poker games, barbecues, arcade nights, wine tastings, gambling, and many other activities. This night won’t likely become the stuff of legend, but it also won’t make anyone blush or wince in retrospect.

What’s interesting is that the men who advocate an R-rated bachelor party can’t imagine why anyone would want to just play a wimpy game of golf or have a steak dinner when they could see naked chicks on the one night you’re expected to do so. And the men who want a more refined bachelor party do not understand why men would subject themselves to a night of sexual frustration, paying hundreds of dollars to see women they don’t know tease them.

trivia: Stag parties aren’t just a modern-day event. They were first held by ancient Spartan soldiers, who partied like it was 999. The first known such party took place in the fifth century. Members of the military celebrated with a feast and toast to the groom on the eve of his wedding. This was a way to reminisce about the past, mourn the death of the bachelor status, and raise money for the groom so he could continue to drink with his friends after his wife got control of the finances.

But guess what? There’s no reason why a party can’t schedule innocent fun by day and lascivious fun by night. The point is: No matter what the groom likes, there is an ideal party for him just waiting to happen. And no matter how ribald or tame, this book can help you plan it.

What Usually Goes Wrong—and Why

Planning a bachelor party is relatively easy. The problem is that few men recognize that they have to be planned. Guys assume that all they need is $100 in their pocket. Then, after a hearty steak meal, the group of twelve buddies congregates on the corner outside wondering who’s supposed to lead (the groom or the best man or the dude who knows the local strip clubs?).

This is exactly what happened at a bachelor party I once attended. We left the steakhouse as a group and waffled outside for twenty minutes until some of us started to get restless. Since there was no plan in advance, some guys decided to leave immediately. The remaining guys bickered about where to go; I felt like I was watching an exercise in leadership training. Do we go to a bar? Disco? Strip club? Or home for the night?

We ended up visiting strippers in midtown Manhattan, but none of us had any idea how much it would cost, how much to tip, or how to fend off the overly aggressive strippers who relentlessly prodded us for more $20 lap dances (plus tips). Nor did we come equipped with single-dollar bills. Very few of the guys really wanted the night to end this way. It just seemed like the only option. It wasn’t and we should have known better.

One solution is to plan at least three or four different activities or events throughout the evening. This gives people time to duck out early or enter late. You might also include a battle plan that goes into the wee hours for those who survive that long—with or without the groom. (See the chart at the end of this book for an at-a-glance, mix-and-match look at all of the activities described in this book.)

Too many activities, however, can lead to other problems—like premature drunkenness and/or fatigue. At another bachelor party I attended, fifteen of my friends had assembled in a hotel room and started to drink while they waited for the entertainment to arrive. By the time the two strippers showed up, the groom had drunk himself senseless and thrown up in the bathroom (where the strippers were supposed to change into costume).

Worse, if possible, was the dynamic in the room: the men were scared. These guys were not rah-rah types and the sight of two (admittedly skanky) strippers made otherwise confident men very nervous. The guys hid in corners, pretending to be deep in intellectual conversation or fixing more drinks—anything to avoid the discomfort of watching these women get jiggy.

It wasn’t just awkward for the party attendees either; strippers crave the spotlight and love enthusiastic crowds. They want the men to go crazy when they enter a room—they have to pump their egos and they rely on tips to make money. Regardless of whether it was shyness, revulsion, or political correctness, the men’s behavior made the strippers wonder what was wrong. That’s a bad way to start a wild night. Having strippers was not a bad idea. But the best man should have monitored the groom’s drinking and made sure the crowd knew what it was getting. Planning is everything.

Bachelor Party Peer Pressure

No matter how sophisticated, mild-mannered, educated, or sweet the groom may be, there will be pressure for the best man to plan a raucous bachelor party. Inevitably, one of his buddies will want strippers, and he’ll make it known that it’s not really a bachelor party without gratuitous nudity. He is wrong. Do not pander to the suggestions of a macho moron—unless he’s the groom.

trivia: The world’s most famous bachelor pad—the Playboy Mansion—has never hosted a bachelor party…even for Mr. Hefner himself.

Strippers are fine for some guys, but not for others. Some men wouldn’t consider a bachelor party without babes and booze. That’s the norm and this book explains what you need to know so the adult entertainment business doesn’t disappoint or scam you. But it’s important to consider the alternatives, too. Sometimes, all a party needs is a blow-up doll and some chocolate, boob-shaped lollipops to meet the minimum, wink-wink-nudge-nudge bachelor party requirements. To you I say: There, you’ve been naughty. Now you can move on to something creative.

Who, When, Where?

Who Plans It?

There’s a reason why he’s called the best man. And here’s his opportunity to live up to the title. It’s up to this one guy to discuss party options with either the groom or the other invitees (depending on whether the party is naughty or not) and subsequently create an itinerary for the night or weekend. The best man is usually the groom’s brother or best friend.

If the best man is not going to attend the bachelor party, for whatever the reason, dig up a substitute.

Best Man’s Responsibilities

The best man orders and pays—often in advance—for a hotel room, limo, stripper, bar, restaurant, booze, tickets for shows, and any other service that requires a deposit. He not only tells the gang what’s happening, but where it will be, when, and how much everyone must chip in. Then, he’ll have to keep track of who has RSVP’d and later, it will be his job to collect the cash before or during the party (never wait until it’s over). The best best man knows exactly what the groom does and doesn’t want. If there’s any doubt, he should consult the groom. The party will have enough surprises.

Payment

A best man rarely collects every cent from every member of the party. He needs to recruit a few fellow bachelor party attendees to put up cash in advance as needed. The best man should also delegate the collection of money from the rest of the party attendees. To do this, he must ask some friends to collect from others and to keep track of who’s paid.

Don’t do it alone; you will pay more than your share and likely wind up angry. Better to overestimate the per-person costs. No one minds getting cash back after the party, but they will all groan if you tell them that they owe money.

If you’re the best man, think of the money-gathering process as selling a script. You have to come up with the pitch, paint the picture, and then get financial backers.

Here’s a checklist to get you started:

Find out how many people will attend—and who they are.

Find out what the groom likes and doesn’t like—R-rated party or not.

Find out what the attendees are willing to pay (make it sound unbelievably fun to get more cash).

Call around or do on-line research to get a ballpark idea of costs.

Get the money from the guys in advance, if possible.

Keep written records of who has paid and when they paid.

tip: Consider using an on-line payment program, like Paypal, to collect contributions from fellow bachelor party attendees. That way you can track who paid, when they paid, and cash never needs to pass hands.

tip: Pad your estimate when asking for money from the bachelor party attendees. This will cover unexpected fees and, if there’s a surplus, you can always dole out singles to the guys for later use when tipping the girls.

10 Things the Best Man

Should Bring to the Party

List of all attendees

Attendees’ phone numbers

Taxi company phone numbers

Cell phone

Bottle opener

Mints

Extra cash (for gratuities and emergencies)

Credit cards (for hotel rooms, bar tabs, emergencies)

The evening’s itinerary

Aspirin

When to Plan It

Timing is key. Too much and everything changes; people move, forget, or make other plans. Too little time and you’re left with one option: local restaurants, billiard halls, bowling alleys, pool halls, bars, and so on—assuming you can get in, late at night, with a group, on a Friday or Saturday.

tip: You can ask the groom what kind of party he would like and still not ruin some of the surprise of the evening. You wouldn’t want those dancing naked midgets to go unappreciated.

First, you need to know when the wedding will take place. Then, find out if the groom has a bachelor-party date in mind. Two months to plan the event is best. Four weeks is as short as it should get. Remember, this is when to plan it—not when to have it.

The earlier you establish an itinerary, the better. This helps invitees mark it on their schedules before other events conflict and it allows out-of-town guests to book flights and hotel rooms. It also helps you get reservations at restaurants, clubs, golf courses, ski lodges, whitewater rafting companies, etc. Don’t forget to secure a limo or two in advance as well. (See Limousines 101.)

Planning Calendar

Two Months before Party

Confer with groom, decide what to do, where to go, how much to spend, and who to invite.

Establish budget.

Delegate some of the inviting and money gathering to a few select guaranteed attendees.

Six Weeks before Party

Invite all attendees and explain the details (when, where), including costs and how and when to pay.

Keep a log of RSVPs.

One Month before Party

Make all reservations: clubs, bars, limos, etc., based on estimated number of attendees (many will have RSVP’d by now).

Two Weeks before Party

Confirm reservations with limo company, entertainers, restaurants, etc.

Purchase booze, if needed.

Assess RSVPs and make changes to plans as needed.

One Week before Party

Have a Plan B ready, just in case.

Assess and confirm RSVPs and make changes to plans as needed.

Remind invitees that party is next week.

One Day before Party

Get one- and five-dollar bills from the bank so that you can make change for the fellas.

Call to confirm all reservations once again.

Buy the aspirin.

Day of Party

Show up at first destination 30 minutes early. Be prepared to call no-shows and later arrivals.

Collect fees from all invitees if you have not done so yet.

Remember to tip.

Day after Party

Remind deadbeats what they owe for last night.

Sleep.

Explain weird hand-stamp/lipstick stains to girlfriend.

Check on bachelor to make sure he is still getting married.

When to have It

If this were a locals-only party, it wouldn’t matter so much. But these are your old buddies, many of whom may be flying in from other cities—perhaps with family. You better make it worth their while. Your job is to plan a party that avoids crowds, last-minute reservations, and complications. At best, you’ll also save your friends loads of money—which means more booze/tips/food for the party.

No one would have a bachelor party on Christmas Eve, right? So don’t forget to check the calendar before planning a party on Easter, Passover, Thanksgiving, or even major holidays when people are likely to travel or vacation—like Memorial Day and Labor Day. The prices for travel and accommodations are higher on these days and your buddies may already have prior commitments.

tip: Arrange for the groom to stay at a friend’s house on the night of the bachelor party, regardless of what is planned and what happens.

Remember that the bride may be planning her own bachelorette party. Some couples prefer to have both parties on the same day—and then report back the following morning. Yours may be far more risqué, but this seems to level the playing field. Finally, some grooms have the bachelor party in one city and the wedding in another. This is one way to cavort with friends who live far away and cannot make it to the wedding.

Weekend vs. Weekday

You can’t host a four-day golf or camping retreat if all the guys have to take off a few days from work; their bosses probably won’t let them go. Fridays and Saturdays are your safest bet, though most places are more crowded at this time. And you will pay more for a limo (and for reservations at hotels and spas) if you book at the busiest times. On the other hand, weekends bring out more women than do weekdays. If you do decide on a weekday, start early—6 or 7 P.M.—so you can pack in six hours of fun and still get to bed before two in the morning (most guys don’t want to drink too much on a week night anyway). Ask about off-peak discounts when booking your limos, tickets to shows, and strippers. Expect to pay 20 to 30 percent less than usual.

Seasonal Advantages

Seasons affect plane fares, what you wear, and how you get around town. Ask a local hotel if there are conventions in town the weekend you want to host your party. Conventions tie up rooms and cabs and they jack up prices. Think about whether you need good weather for the party: skiing requires snow or snow machines, while boating requires