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    The Dysfunctional Family Reunion Cookbook
    The Dysfunctional Family Reunion Cookbook
    The Dysfunctional Family Reunion Cookbook
    Ebook125 pages48 minutes

    The Dysfunctional Family Reunion Cookbook

    By Beth Hanley

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    About this ebook

    No family was harmed in the writing of this cookbook...it's just the continued ranting & ravings of a southern cook.
    This book contains basic recipes passed around by family and friends.
    Some names have been changed to protect the dysfunctional and those with borderline personalities.
    The recipes aren't dysfunctional, just the people.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBeth Hanley
    Release dateJul 7, 2013
    ISBN9781301119684
    The Dysfunctional Family Reunion Cookbook

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      Book preview

      The Dysfunctional Family Reunion Cookbook - Beth Hanley

      THE DYSFUNCTIONAL

      FAMILY REUNION

      COOKBOOK

      Continued Rantings & Ravings

      of a Southern Cook

      Copyright 2013 by Beth Hanley

      Smashwords Edition

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced without permission in writing from the publisher, except for brief quotations in reviews or articles.

      This book contains basic recipes passed around by family and friends.

      Some names have been changed to protect the dysfunctional and those with borderline personalities. Professional diagnosis should only be attempted by a doctor.

      Should you find yourself, your family or your friends in this book, relax this is life.

      Cooking Tip #33: Don't get tied up in knots just because company's coming. In a few years nobody will remember what you served anyway.

      TABLE OF CONTENTS

      INTRODUCTION

      LET THE FUN BEGIN

      *APPETIZERS*

      Bubba's Bodacious Chili-Cheese Puddin' ~ Jalapeno Fudge

      Old Dogs - New Tricks Puppy Chow for Males ~ Puppy Chow (A real snack)

      Miracle in the Corner with Deviled Eggs ~ Deviled Eggs

      Mid-Life Crisis Hormonal Dip ~ Mexican Dip

      Boat Shoed, Water Bottled Yuppy Puppies ~ Mock Rumaki Canapés

      Hopsing's Mexican Rollups ~ Tortilla Pinwheels

      WHAT GOES BETWEEN THE

      MEAT & DESSERT?

      *SALADS AND SIDES*

      God, Apparitions & Heavenly Hash ~ Heavenly Hash

      Alienation Salad ~ Coca Cola Salad

      Uncle Charlie's Fruity Passion ~ Drunken Fruit Salad

      Developmental Delayed Salad ~ Layered Salad

      Peterbuilt Induced Astral Projection ~ Broccoli Salad

      Evolution Slaw ~ Icebox Slaw

      AARP Salad ~ Onion/ Cucumber Salad

      Bus Station Bust ~ Baked Beans

      All the Coo-Coo's Aren't in the Clock ~ Potato Salad

      Yankee Doodle Did

      HERE COMES THE

      EXPENSIVE STUFF!

      *MEATS & MAIN DISHES*

      Throw Souperman another Steak ~ Marinade for steaks

      Schizo Steak ~ Chicken Fried Steak

      Kick Butt Quiche ~ Mexican Quiche

      Southern Fried Education ~ Chicken & Dumplings

      Chicken Coop Theory Fried Chicken ~ Buttermilk Fried Chicken

      Drunken Stinky Chicken in a Pick-Up ~ Garlic Chicken

      On a Wing & A Prayer ~ Hot Wings

      Grandma's Power Lunch

      THEY DON'T SLOSH WHEN YOU TAKE THEM PLACES

      *CASSEROLES*

      Spam-A-Lam-A-Ding-Dong ~ Spam Casserole

      Depression Casserole ~ Squash Casserole

      THE GREAT CASSEROLE COOKOFF

      Greater Tater Casserole

      Flamboyant Flamingo Macaroni & Cheese

      Coonskin Cap Casserole with Broccoli & Rice

      The Bridges of Dixie County Chicken & Dressing

      Scalloped Corn Pudding on the Half Shell

      Paradise in a Pan, Impossible Cheeseburger Pie

      Southern Cross Cheese Garlic Grits

      General Sherman's Flaming Slum Gullion

      SKIP THE VEGETABLES & LET'S GET RIGHT TO THE

      *DESSERTS*

      Over Degreed & Under Employed Wedding Cookies~Orange Balls

      Aunt Dementia's Wild Ride ~ Strawberry Pound Cake

      Hot Flashin' Power Surges ~ Snow Ball Cake

      Pickled Piggy Cake ~ Pig Pickin Cake

      Long Drive Milk Jug Syndrome ~ Self Filled Cupcakes

      Instant Gratification ~ Strawberry Shortcake

      Hard Drive Obsession ~ Fudge Ribbon Cake

      Permanent Aggression ~ Lemon Pie

      Therapeutic Buttermilk Pie ~ Buttermilk Pie

      Chocolate Enlightenment ~ Geogia Silk Pie

      O.P.D. Pie ~ Lime/Lemon/Orange Pie

      Drive By-Drop Off Cookies ~ No Bake Oatmeal Cookies

      Parole & Probation Pudding ~ No Bake Banana Pudding

      Fried Apple Fetish ~ Fried Apples & Caramel Sauce

      Dysfunctional Destiny Peanut Butter Fudge ~ Peanut Butter Fudge

      WE GOTTA HAVE *BREAD* IT GOES WITH THE LEFTOVERS!

      BI POLAR BREADS WITH MANIC TOPPINGS

      Orange Muffins & Honey Spread

      Orange-Cranberry Bread

      Mayonnaise Biscuits

      Sour Cream Cornbread

      Spoon Bread

      Monkey Bread

      Mango Bread

      DMV Flashback

      Welfare Rolls

      IT'S OVER!

      The Reunion in Review

      ~Cooking Tip #56: Apples, like nuts, never fall too far from the tree. Check out your sweetheart's parents for a quick view into your future.

      INTRODUCTION

      My name is Beth and I'll be your tour guide through our dysfunctional family. It all started last Christmas. I work down at the welfare office and am professionally trained to observe people and their behaviors. I studied Psychology 101 at the Community College. I tell you that so you'll know that I am a dysfunctional expert.

      One day at work I noticed that I was surrounded with dysfunctional people who were just stumbling their way through life. There were oral obsessives, anal retentives, drunkards and the like. And these were my fellow employees. All of the control freaks had already been promoted into management and weren't in the break room at the time. If these were the professionals, then what were the clients like?

      It was there I decided that we're all alike...it just a matter of which side of the desk we sit on Always remember, the professional is the one behind the desk ,clients sit on the other side.

      I spotted my own Uncle Henry dumping a pack of peanuts into a coke and eating or drinking it, whatever. I began to wonder how people's eating habits tied into their personality disorders. Why wonder? I'm trained so I began my own sociological study of the dysfunctional and their eating habits, using my own family as guinea pigs. I spent all of Christmas sneaking around and watching them eat and cook. Of course this resulted in me gathering some terrific recipes.

      Who said that crazies don't eat well?

      The results were published in The Dysfunctional Christmas Cookbook, where I not only gave away family secrets, I gave out their recipes, too. Believe it or not when they found out, they weren't upset with me. The folks that were mentioned got a good laugh out of it, everyone got their own copy and the

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