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    The Parenting Trap
    The Parenting Trap
    The Parenting Trap
    Ebook113 pages1 hour

    The Parenting Trap

    By Karen Foote

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    About this ebook

    The Parenting Trap is not a book that dishes out parenting know-hows and to-dos. Instead, Singaporean Chinese Mum Karen Foote, who is married to her Australian husband Craig, shares her personal struggles as well as joy as she navigates her way through two vastly different cultures to find her own identity and what it means to be a parent, distilling the best of Eastern and Western parenting wisdom and knowledge for her two sons. Whether your kids are raised in a multi-racial or single-culture home, you will find The Parenting Trap an earnest call for you to step out of your comfort zone and break away from any trap to raise your kids confidently – your way!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherWe Green Solutions
    Release dateMar 31, 2014
    ISBN9789810777388
    The Parenting Trap

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      Book preview

      The Parenting Trap - Karen Foote

      FOREWORD

      T

      his delightful little book is full of sound, practical advice and guidance for parents bringing up their children. It is based on Karen’s own experiences with her two boys in Singapore – her own home, Australia – the home of her husband, and from her academic studies in psychology. Thus this book offers an important dimension to the normal parenting books in that it has an academic grounding, and that the experiences and the advices that follow come from across cultures.

      As Karen openly admits, the attitudes, beliefs and behaviour of her Chinese background can be substantially different from those of her Australian husband, and, indeed, my British background. In grounding her book in a cross-cultural context, Karen has done us all a big favour as the world is increasingly smaller with air flights and the Internet, and thus cross cultural marriages like hers and mine are becoming more common. The accentuated differences in attitudes, beliefs and behaviour of parents that come from such marriages raise the possibility of differences – if not conflicts - regarding how children should be raised. However, Karen cleverly argues that children need basic things in their lives and that with mutual tolerance and understanding between parents and their families, their children can have a rich – if not richer – childhoods learning the skills needed to survive in the modern world.

      When I first met Karen as a student of psychology, I was impressed by her quick thinking, her sharp, inquisitive mind, and her love for life. I have come to learn that with this comes a loyalty and friendship to those important to her. These traits are reflected in her book to the extent that I do find myself thinking how wonderful it must be to be one of her two boys.

      Dr Paul Sander

      Cardiff Metropolitan University

      ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

      I

      would like to thank my very supportive friends, Joanne Chua, Andrea Yeo, Lorraine Pang, Leslie Lee, Katherine Lee, Sherie Lim for believing in me. Thank you, Audrey Teo, Rita Chua, Doris Goh for inspiring me to be the best that I can be, and standing by me during those difficult times that I traversed.

      Special thanks to Pearlin Siow for taking the time to nurture me and never giving up on me even when I tried to give up on myself.

      My deep gratitude goes to Anita Foote. One cannot ask for a better sister-in-law, friend, and role model. Thank you for showing me a new dimension to parenting and for using your wisdom to save my sanity.

      Most of all, I would like to thank my husband, Craig for his loving patience and support despite not being able to fully understand why I do what I do when it comes to parenting the boys. Thank you to my wonderful boys, Julian and Noah, for inspiring this book and for giving me their unconditional acceptance and love.

      My heartfelt thanks to Dr Paul Sander for the support and for writing the foreword. I would like to also express my gratitude to Dr Trisha Craig, Dr Melanie Chew, Ms Geri Johnson, Ms Pearlin Siow, Mr Frederick Low and Mr Kirby Chua for taking time to review my book.

      Finally, I am very thankful to my publisher, Mr ChinKar Tan, without whom this book would not be a reality. Thank you for sharing my values and believing in my vision that the sharing of knowledge is the way forward to forging better lives for our next generation.

      Karen Foote

      PROLOGUE

      Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

      Elizabeth Stone

      Author

      I

      have noticed something fascinating since moving back to Singapore after living in Melbourne for eight years. It is the way people communicate their love and affection for one another. Here, and I believe in a large part of Asia, people show their love through action. In the West, people simply say how they feel.

      Although I was raised in Singapore by a mother who had strong Western influences, I still found it difficult to adjust to the differences in communication styles when I first moved to Melbourne. I thought I was really Westernised, but I was very uncomfortable, especially when I met someone and exchanged hugs and kisses instead of a simple handshake. I felt like a rabbit at a petting zoo every time I was out at a dinner meeting new people, getting squeezed and cuddled all the

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