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    Popular Jokes
    Popular Jokes
    Popular Jokes
    Ebook90 pages1 hour

    Popular Jokes

    By James David

    5/5

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    Read preview

    About this ebook

    A good laugh has great long-term effects. When you start to laugh, it doesn't just lighten your load mentally, it actually induces physical changes in your body. Laughter can help lessen your depression and anxiety and make you feel happier. This ‘Jokes E-book’ of ours is an effort to dissolve your tensions in a solution of smiles, chuckles and laughter.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherMahesh Dutt Sharma
    Release dateFeb 9, 2014
    ISBN9781311540881
    Popular Jokes
    Author

    James David

    A prestigious author and journalist. Written more than 250 books. A freelance writer and writing is his passion.

    Read more from James David

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      Book preview

      Popular Jokes - James David

      Popular Jokes

      By James David

      Published by MdSharma

      Smashwords Edition

      © mds e-books 2014

      Smashwords License Statement

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      Preface

      A good laugh has great long-term effects. When you start to laugh, it doesn't just lighten your load mentally, it actually induces physical changes in your body. Laughter can stimulate many organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain. Laughter can also stimulate circulation and aid muscle relaxation, both of which help reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.

      Laughter may ease pain by causing the body to produce its own natural painkillers. Laughter may also break the pain-spasm cycle common to some muscle disorders and Increase personal satisfaction. Laughter can also make it easier to cope with difficult situations. It also helps you connect with other people. Many people experience depression, sometimes due to chronic illnesses. Laughter can help lessen your depression and anxiety and make you feel happier. This ‘Jokes E-book’ of ours is an effort to dissolve your tensions in a solution of smiles, chuckles and laughter.

      -Publisher

      Table of Contents

      Chapter One: Sell the lobster

      Chapter Two: I’m going to shoot him

      Chapter Three: Laziness of Our Partner

      Chapter Four: Snapped the Mother

      Chapter Five: I was Absolutely Superfluous

      Chapter One: Sell the lobster

      In the main fish market of Chicago, a lobster (name of the fish) merchant received an urgent telephone call informing him that the body of his mother-in-law had been cast up the tide with lobster firmly attached to each toe.

      When Coast Guard asked, 'What’ll we do with the body?' the merchant answered, 'Sell the lobster and set her out again.'

      #####

      The wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with one of the office girls and began to threaten him.

      'I’m warning you', she cried, 'If you don’t stop your office romancing, I’m going to throw myself in the pool and drown myself!'

      'Promises, promises,' sneered the husband, 'That’s all I ever get promises.'

      #####

      Neighbour: 'You have a nice collection of books, but it seems to me you ought to have more shelves.'

      Second Neighbour: ‘Yes, I know, but no one ever lends me any shelves.'

      #####

      A stranger entered the building and asked a boy standing in the lobby, 'Can you tell me where Mr. Smith lives?'

      The lad smiled and replied pleasantly, 'Yes, sir I’ll show you.'

      Six fight up the body pointed out a room. The stranger knocked at that door repeatedly and, after no response, commented, 'He’s not here.'

      'Oh, no, sir', replied the boy, 'Mr. Smith was downstairs waiting in the lobby.'

      #####

      'Before we get married,' said the young man to his fiancée. 'I want to congress some affairs I’ve had in the past.'

      'But you told me all about those a couple of weeks ago.' Replied the girl.

      'Yes, darling,' he explained, 'but that was a couple of weeks ago.'

      #####

      Woman patient: 'I’ve got all my clothes off. Where shall I put them?'

      Psychiatrist: 'On top of mine.'

      The Jungle Animal Olympics had concluded, and a dejected Cheetah was sitting on the sidelines, for hadn’t won a single prize.

      'I can understand why we lost the other event’s', he said to another Cheetah, ;but I through since we are supposed to be so fast that we’d surely win the races, imagine, we were outrun by an elephant!'

      'Well, that’s the way it goes', his friend replied philosophically. ‘Cheetahs never win.’

      #####

      Watt: 'What must a man be that he shall be buried with military honours?'

      Chatt: 'He must be lieutenant.'

      Watt: 'Then I lose the bet.'

      Chatt: 'What did you bet?'

      Watt:' I bet they must be dead.'

      #####

      She: 'I’m so bored with Disk. He hasn’t kissed me since the honeymoon.'

      Her: 'You ought to divorce him.'

      She: 'I can’t. He’s not my husband!'

      #####

      Appetite: When one is eating he’s 'apply', and when he had finished he’s 'tight', that’s 'appetite.'

      Then there’s the fast rising executive who on entering his newly decorated office, had his secretary on the carpet because she forgot to order a couch.

      #####

      At dinner one night a man joined a small group of ladies who were in the midst of an animated discussion.

      'Oh, Mr. Jones', exclaimed one of the ladies. 'You’re just in time to settle an argument. What is the most beautiful thing in the world?'

      'A beautiful woman', replied Mr. Jones without hesitation.

      But the lady seemed shocked at his levity.

      'I contend,' She said seriously, 'That sleep is the most beautiful thing.'

      'Well', said the man thoughtfully, 'next to a beautiful woman, sleep is.'

      #####

      A clothing shop received this letter a customer who had ordered a maternity dress.

      'Dear Sir, please cancel the order for a size 44 dress, which I placed last week. My delivery was faster than yours. Sincerely, R.S.'

      Originally scheduled for all-night duty at the station, Patrolman Michael Fenwick was relieved early and thus arrived home four hours ahead of schedule. It was nearly 2:00 A.M., and, hoping to get into bet without waking his wife, he decided to undress in the dark. But as he crossed the room to climb into bed, his wife set up and sleepily asked, 'Mike, dearest, would you

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