Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    Eternal Joy: Volume I — Shidduchim
    Eternal Joy: Volume I — Shidduchim
    Eternal Joy: Volume I — Shidduchim
    Ebook176 pages2 hours

    Eternal Joy: Volume I — Shidduchim

    By Sichos In English

    3/5

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    In the annals of Jewish history, no one individual has been turned to for advice on so many matters great and small and by so diverse a populace, as has the Lubavitcher Rebbe. The more crucial the issue, the more people felt the need to garner wisdom, counsel and blessing from that one individual who loved each and every Jew with every fiber of his being, unconditionally.

    It should therefore come as no surprise that with regard to so critical an issue as finding one’s mate, finding a shidduch, there is a plethora of responses from the Rebbe, offering guidance and instruction to people who turned to him during this crucial period in their lives, or in the lives of their loved ones.

    By means of his voluminous correspondence, his answers through his secretariat, and public pronouncements during farbrengens — chassidic gatherings — and the like, the Rebbe addressed with fatherly love and scholarly wisdom a vast range of human concerns relating to shidduchim.

    Eternal Joy assembles these warm and thought-provoking pearls of the Rebbe’s wisdom in one book. The Rebbe’s approach to successfully building “a faithful edifice in Israel,” a marriage of “eternal joy,” is now accessible to all.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherSichos In English
    Release dateSep 9, 2011
    ISBN9781465849977
    Eternal Joy: Volume I — Shidduchim

    Read more from Sichos In English

    Related to Eternal Joy

    Related ebooks

    Relationships For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    Related categories

    Reviews for Eternal Joy

    3/5

    2 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      Eternal Joy - Sichos In English

      Eternal Joy — Volume I — Shidduchim

      A Guide to Shidduchim and Marriage

      Based on the Teachings of the Lubavitcher Rebbe,

      Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson

      by Rabbi Sholom B. Wineberg

      Published by Sichos In English

      Eternal Joy — Volume I — Shidduchim

      Published by Sichos In English at Smashwords

      Copyright 2000 Sichos In English

      ****

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      ****

      788 Eastern Parkway - Brooklyn, N.Y. 11213

      5760 - 2000

      ****

      ISBN 978-1-4658-4997-7

      Chapter 1: Foreword

      B"H

      Perhaps the most important decisions a young man and young woman face are those involving marriage: what qualities to look for in a prospective life-partner; when to begin considering the matter; whom to meet; and what qualities to look for in one’s bashert.

      These and many others are real questions over which young men and young women spend many hours thinking deeply. And if their initial meetings for shidduchim don’t work out, the process of introspection and questioning of goals and purposes becomes even more entangled.

      Instinctively, when facing such critical questions, a chassid or a chassidah turns to the Rebbe for direction. And this is most appropriate. In one of the letters written by the Rebbe before accepting the Nesius, he writes with regard to the Previous Rebbe:¹

      …There is a Rebbe among the Jewish people, and he is not bound at all by the limitations of nature. A person who wishes to proceed on a secure path with regard to family matters should not lift his hand without asking the Rebbe.

      When a person is confused or confronted by fundamental life questions, he must know that the Jewish people have not been left without succor. There is someone to ask....

      He should not solely rely on his own understanding, nor on the shadchan … These are approaches that involve doubt. And he has a sure path with which he can clarify his doubts.... When he follows his [i.e., the Rebbe’s] directives, he will succeed.

      Particularly after Gimmel Tammuz, one of the best ways to receive the Rebbe’s guidance is to study his teachings and writings. The Rebbe has spoken about the issues of shidduchim and marriage in numerous farbrengens and has responded to the questions asked him by hundreds of young men and women in his Igros Kodesh, as well as in personal responses during Yechidus and through his secretariat. By studying these sources, it is possible to appreciate some of the fundamental elements of the Rebbe’s approach.

      To facilitate this process, we have collected² and translated selections from a variety of the Rebbe’s letters, sichos, and personal responses regarding marriage and shidduchim.

      Admittedly, there are difficulties with such a collection. Firstly, the collection and the translation are our own; it is not a guide to marriage authored or edited by the Rebbe.

      Secondly, it is not all encompassing. There certainly is considerably more material from the Rebbe regarding shidduchim than that which has been collected here.

      And finally, it is entirely possible that the advice the Rebbe gave one individual may be inappropriate for another. Moreover, some of the responses to individuals are not necessarily the Rebbe’s final word on the matter.

      What we have done to try to resolve this latter difficulty is to quote a variety of letters and sichos, even though some may appear different from others. The dates or sources cited may be of benefit in discerning the Rebbe’s later responses. So, too, by noting that numerous answers are in the same vein, we have an indication of the Rebbe’s general approach to a specific issue or matter.

      Nevertheless, it must be borne in mind that the Rebbe’s answer to one individual does not necessarily apply at all to another, as the Rebbe has pointed out on a number of occasions. To quote but one:³

      "It is patently obvious⁴ that a directive to an individual does not serve at all as a directive to the multitude, even when the issues are the same. Particularly so, when this is written as a private letter to him.

      "For most often this depends on the conditions of the life of that individual, his personality and temperament, the possibilities that exist for him concerning that which he wrote [to me about] in his letter, and more, and more [reasons, not enumerated here]."

      In instances of doubt, etc., one would therefore do well to remember the Rebbe’s exhortation to "ask one’s Mashpia or Rav…." We are then assured that not only will the Rebbe’s holy blessings accompany each potential and actual groom and bride, but his instructions on these matters will be followed as well.

      While it is our hope that our text will make the process of making these decisions somewhat easier, reading it will also serve as one of the first steps in thinking through and internalizing the individual mission each one of us has in life, who is the proper person to share that mission with, and how the Torah and more specifically, the teachings of Chassidus, can enhance that mission.

      May the preparations for marriage being made by young men and women today herald the coming of the ultimate marriage celebration, that of the bond between G-d and the Jewish people. As the Rebbe states: The marriage of every couple … is connected to the ultimate marriage between G-d and the Jewish people that will be consummated in the Era of Redemption.⁵

      At which time, we will again meet with the Rebbe on this earthly plane, and he shall redeem us.⁶

      Sholom B. Wineberg

      Overland Park, Kansas

      Purim Katan, 5760

      Jubilee Year of the Leadership of the Lubavitcher Rebbe

      Chapter 2: Approaching a Shidduch

      The Importance of Marriage

      The Greatest Joy of All

      The rejoicing of a bride and groom is one of the greatest expressions of Jewish happiness. This rejoicing heralds and precipitates the ultimate rejoicing as expressed in the prophecy:⁷ There will be heard ... in the cities of Judah and the outskirts of Jerusalem ... the voice of happiness and the voice of rejoicing ... the voice of a groom and the voice of a bride.

      Therefore, everyone, and particularly the members of the family, should participate in this celebration as a preparation for the eternal rejoicing⁸ which will characterize the Era of the Redemption.

      (Yechidus for grooms and brides, 11 Sivan, 5744)

      The Importance of Following

      the Customs and Directives Of the Rebbeim

      The customs that relate to a wedding in particular are relevant to everyone, for in a marriage, the power of the Ein Sof is revealed. This is drawn down by the leader of the generation. Therefore it is appropriate to follow the customs of the Rebbeim.

      (Likkutei Sichos, Vol. XXIII, p. 522)

      Establishing the Foundation for Marriage

      [Marriage] involves a fundamental mitzvah; the preparatory period serves as a foundation for the remainder of the [manner of] life that follows.... For family life is of a totally different character than one’s life as a solitary individual prior to marriage....

      It is customary to bless a couple that they produce an everlasting edifice. Before constructing a building, one must lay its foundations; the entire strength and perfection of the subsequent building depends, first and foremost, on the strength of its foundations.

      (Letter dated 24 Adar I, 5736; Likkutei Sichos, Vol. XIV, p. 307)

      In Present Times Marriage Must Also Be

      Established On the Foundation of Toras HaChassidus

      ... That which is most critical [is] establishing a Jewish home on the foundations of Torah and mitzvos. In present times, times in which many mistake light for darkness and darkness for light, even these foundations must be illuminated and permeated with the luminary of Torah, the inner portion of Torah, which during present times, has been revealed in Toras HaChassidus.

      When [the Jewish home is established] in this manner, the possibility of making the above mistake [i.e., mistaking light for darkness and darkness for light,] is minimized.

      (Igros Kodesh, Vol. XIII, p. 89)

      Failure to Resolve to Establish a Marriage on Proper Foundations

      May Have Untoward Shidduch Results

      This is in response to your letter in which you write that a shidduch has already been suggested to you a number of times; however, when it came close to completion, nothing ever came of it. You ask me why this is so, and what you are to do about it.

      Most often, this is a result of one’s failure to truly resolve, subsequent to the wedding, to build one’s home in Israel on the foundations of Torah and mitzvos.

      G-d therefore waits a while longer, [with the hope that] maybe in the interim you will recognize the absolute truth, that it is an unconditional obligation for marriage and married life to be conducted on the foundations of our Torah, the Torah of Life....

      ... When this resolution is made in all sincerity and with the sincerest resolve, that even if there be difficulties you will still conduct yourself as befits a daughter of Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel and Leah, then G-d will provide you with your intended.

      Nevertheless, in order to hasten the blessing, you should give several francs every weekday for [the tzedakah of] Hachnosas Kallah, [the tzedakah that provides the material means for marriage] for poor brides....

      (Igros Kodesh, Vol. XVI, p. 180)

      Spiritual Improvement Is Vital

      ... As one embarks upon such a critical and vital step in one’s life as constructing a Jewish eternal edifice of marriage, improving one’s spiritual state is of crucial and fundamental importance.

      (Igros Kodesh, Vol. XIX, p. 169)

      The Appropriate Attitude

      Beyond the Realm of the Natural

      ... The entire matter of a shidduch and marriage transcends the bounds of nature.

      (Igros Kodesh, Vol. XIV, p. 345)

      Free Choice With Regard to a Shidduch

      With respect to your question about the seeming contradictions in the statements of our Sages regarding a shidduch, whether an individual possesses free choice, [i.e., whom to choose,] or is it a decree that is not subject to change:

      In general, there is no decree that cannot be changed (see Rosh HaShanah 16a, et al.). With regard to the instance of a shidduch in particular, the question has already been raised in many places, among them in Shas and Zohar. The answer that is provided is that garnering Divine mercy is efficacious [in changing the decree] (Moed Katan 18b), and the decree comes to pass in another gilgul (Zohar I, end of p. 91b)....

      (Igros Kodesh, Vol. XVI, p. 246)⁹

      Life’s Most Important Decision Is Not to Be Rushed

      Marriage is the most important event in the life of a man or woman; it leaves an indelible imprint on one’s entire life. Such a decision requires considerable thought and cannot be done in haste.

      (Igros Kodesh, Vol. IV, p. 272)

      Trust in G-d — A Key Element in Approaching a Shidduch

      ...Regarding all events that transpire in a person’s life, be they large or small, it is impossible to take into account all the eventual particulars and details, and each and every possible permutation. After all, a human being is extremely limited; it is impossible for him to conceptualize all the eventualities of each and every aspect and detail and their possible consequences.

      Thus, to a certain extent, it is necessary for a person to utilize his faith and trust in G-d, that He will see the matter through in a goodly manner in all its many details.

      The same is so with regard to a shidduch: It is literally impossible to find something in this world that is entirely perfect and it is also impossible to assess with perfect accuracy how matters will turn out.

      If the most important aspects are quite satisfactory, then quite often it is proper to forego on minor matters that do not seem to be in perfect order. This is especially so, since one may only be imagining that these matters are not in order, when, truth be told, they are in point of fact quite fine as well.

      (From a letter of the Rebbe)

      The Proper Approach to a Shidduch

      I wish to reemphasize that which you yourself write — that the most important matter of all is finding a shidduch.

      You write that your feeling is that you are not finding any fitting proposals regarding a shidduch.

      My hope, however, is that when you will have the proper approach to the suggestions you receive, then G-d will provide you with the shidduch that is most appropriate for

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1