Lord of the Ringless

Lord of the Ringless

Devoted to God, Desiring Marriage

By Dee Aspin

Smashwords Edition

Lord of the Ringless; Women Devoted to God, Desiring Marriage

Copyright © 2011 by Dee Aspin

Visit www.lordoftheringless.com or www.deeaspin.comfor more information.

Also available as an audiobook at Audible.com.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other—except for brief quotations without the prior permission of the author.

Scriptural References

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®.

Copyright© 1973, 1978,1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked, (NKJV) are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright ©1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from THE MESSAGE Copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Scripture quotations marked (TLB) are taken from the Living Bible copyright ©1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations noted (KJV), (LB), (RS) are from the GUIDEPOSTS PARALLEL BIBLE Grand Rapids, 1981, Zondervan Corporation

Bibliography of other references in back of book: footnotes within text

Disclaimer

These stories are based on actual incidences. They may sound like someone you know; many women have similar situations. Confidentiality has been observed by changing names and minor circumstances.

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-soldor given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

This book is dedicated to:

Leisl

Mrs. Elizabeth Sarah Tilden

the Nurse Without Borders

Sissy, we miss you…

Your deep, radiant faith in Jesus.

Thank you for sharing your joy and prayers,

And the loving support you still give.

—Deisl

I know that you’re watching, I know that you care,

I know that you’re laughing and playing up there,

And when I see billowy clouds moving by,

I think that you’re pushing them,

Low, and then high.

And when I see leaves rustling, soft in the air,

I know that you’re letting me feel you are near.

You’re closer than I see,

I know, that you know

For you see from above,

and I, only below.

High in the sky, you glide

by His side.

Healed by His wings,

and songs that He sings,

Surrounded by love,

Your Lord of the Rings!

"The Lord your God is with you

He is mighty to save

He will take great delight in you,

He will quiet you with his love,

He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

Lord of the Ringless

The value of this book is its sensitivity to the struggles of the single woman and how she can as a believer remember her First Love, and trust Him with her life! You know the pain and frustrations having lived it firsthand…

—Debbie

These stories will greatly strengthen and enrich the weak and struggling and not so weak saints. This isn’t just for single people. Married women could use these too. Keep on with the love of the King.

—Bonnie

Love the devotional on Clueless. The story wrenched my heart as I could identify with the mother’s shock of learning about her daughter’s activities. Especially liked the question section as it guides the parent to examine her own past and honestly ask—do your children know you love them?"

—Erika

I am truly inspired by your devotionals. The stories are heartwarming and true to life, so everyone can relate in one way or another. I like the heart check, which encourages me to reach further in and really think and be prayerful about what I've read.

—Jayne

Dee challenges single Christians to walk in faith and surrender their singleness to God. She shares glimpses into her life as a single woman who desires a godly mate. It’s clear that she desires Jesus even more.

—Elizabeth

"No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent,a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were: any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."

—John Donne

BEST SUPPORTING CAST: Editors and Friends

Carla Sullivan, Bonnie Flory, Janice Pastor, Jayne Norton, Erica Colnick, Kimberly Joseph, Victoria Gemmet, Debbie Mullin, Robin Hudson, Melinda Lewis, Gary Gauthier, Corrie Seifert, Karen Stillwell, Nancy Broadhurst, Kevin Murphy, Steve White, Laura Jensen Walker, Katie and Mark Young, Mary Van Hoosen, Karen Schravemade,VictoriaBlodger, Pres, Nancy Hofheinz& the fantastic Familia…Dad, Mike, David, Patrick, Chris, Tim, Sean and Mama Mia.

SPECIAL THANKS

Pillars of Faith in River City:

Katie Nielsen and Karen Burrell for your love of God’s Word, support and inspirational leadership to Christian women.

Michael Baggett for your ministry at Bayside and service to the single community.

Inspire Writer’s Group:

Founder & writing buddy, Beth Thompson, Sue Tornai, Diane Dolan, Deborah Silva, John Kashak, Lance Shaw, Beth Self, Joanne Kraft, Dana Sudborough, Nancy Steiner and Linda Bjorklund (for the great title).

www.inspirewriters.com

Little Aspiring Inspire Group:

Julia and Nathaniel Thompson (Sammy and Bruno)

Best Supporting Counselor:

Kim Johnson (go for it!)

Graphic Designer:

Ken Hofheinz

ken@2xsd.com

(619) 470 3450

Synergy Design

P. O. Box 1236

La Mesa, CA 91944

Little Inspirations: Rebecca and Nathaniel

Audio-Book Queen:

Julie Williams of www.voice-overs.com has graced thousands of projects with her voice and inimitable delivery over the past 30 years. Her clients have included BGEA, Orbitz.com, Pampers, Adobe, and others. She is the author of Bouncin’ Bobby. She is the producer of the audio-book for the devotions contained in Lord of the Ringless.

Editorial Services Profesionale’:

Beth Thompson, Tama Westman

Daily Big and Little Inspirations:

Samson Paul and Benjamin Sterling

Table of Contents

Pursuit of God

Pink Tarantula

Solitude

Tuning in to God

Blahs Extreme Makeover

Doorkeeper

Sands of Time

Cheese Sticks

Rodeo Church

Wait For His Counsel

Ancient Foe

Perspective: Dating and Friendships

Snap, Crackle, Pop Rice-Crispy Man

Just Like the Carpenter

Broken Roses

Best Friends or Bust

Somewhere Out There

Fruit Inspectors

Desperado

Breadwinner Women

Who’s Been Lighting My Candle?

Father of the Bride

Man-na Drop from Heaven

Personal Growth

Bad Hair Day

Melancholy Mess

Born Again Virgin

Dented, Not Daunted

Lord Change Me

No Regrets

Through the Roof

The Dress Test

Unplugging the Waffle Iron

Sharing the Lane

Purpose and Pitfalls

Green Eyed Devila

Addictions

Paper Tigers Following Me

The Tortoise and the Snare

How to Get up From a Fall

When Anxiety Assaults

Untimely Death

Clueless Mama Mia

Every Ending is a New Beginning

Lord of the Ringless

How to use the Study Guide for Individual or Group Study

Objectives:

•Encourage single women to live active fruitful Christian lives.

•Share God’s love and faithfulness while addressing the desires of Christian women potentially waiting for a life mate to be content and never lose hope.

•Provide godly perspective and focus in overcoming trials through applying God’s Word and ways.

•Reduce feelings of isolation or feeling left out when others marry and they are still single.

Benefits:

•Readers will be empowered to manage emotions in circumstances common to the life of a single person who is active and interactive with the world.

•Strengthen the resolve to pursue godly Christian life in thought and action.

•Provides hope by uplifting Christian women who date and desire marriage.

Note from Dee:

Hi Sisters,

Thank you for taking the time to grow with me in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ and the fellowship of the saints. We need the light and love of Jesus, in every cubbyhole of this dark world. It starts by His Spirit in our hearts radiating out through our mouths, our feet, our hands extended…ringed or ringless.

•You have a God-appointed sphere of influence: family members, friends, coworkers, neighbors, men, and pets. It is your corner to brighten.

•Praying for and with each other each week provides a shield of safety in our weekly rounds of life.

•The Word of God is sharp and powerful, the weapon God has given us to fight the good fight of faith as believers in a cynical world.

•In His time and for His glory He writes the chapters of our story… A journal is our personal archive of God’s direction and words at various seasons of our life. We can always remember by keeping track and looking back, that He is and was and will be faithful and true to see us through any storm or trial.

•Highlight and mark your study guides, but my hope is that you will also use a personal journal to record any thoughts or Scriptures the Lord impresses upon you. (I’ve lost track of many studies throughout the years but the thoughts in my journals stay with me.)

•Some guides are particularly long because of the nature of the topic. Don’t feel you must complete everything. Do what is useful to you now.

•Take as much time as you need to work through it.

Suggestions for Bible Study:

Prayerfully ask women to join you in study. This study is applicable for married women too.

Pray for a co-leader to either alternate weeks or be a substitute.

Pray before each meeting with your co-leader (if there is no co-leader call a friend).

•Use the first week as a potluck or dessert-share time to get to know each other and pray for each other. Review calendar start and end times for weekly meetings and anticipated dates (skip weeks for holidays) for the group. Exchange contact information.

Group Agreement:

•Give advice only if asked.

•Confidentiality—what’s shared in the group stays in the group.

•Group clock—Group and individual responsibility (place a clock in view of the group).

•Food—Individuals can volunteer and rotate weeks.

Turn to theTable of Contents: You may split them unevenly each week depending on the length of the study and how you want to handle it. Let the Spirit lead you. For example, the Anxiety Assaults study may take one week as women share longer, contribute more information, have a time of longer praise, and spend more time in prayer, etc.

Assigning Study Guides: I suggest choosing the number of study guides for each week depending on what the group needs are that week. (12 week study choose 3- 4 per week; 16 week study choose 2-3 per week)

Worship: If possible start out with some form of praise music, whether a couple songs by acoustic guitar, piano, keyboard or songs on a CD. Each person can bring a favorite worship song or two to share.

Group Bible Study: The study section is not a ruler to measure your walk with God; it is a hammer to reinforce any loose planks in your foundation (mental, emotional or spiritual). If just one thought or Scripture carries you and becomes a jewel to memorize, that is your find. Don’t compare yourself to others in what you complete or don’t on a weekly basis. Relax. Let God love you individually.

Prayer: Share requests and answers. Be respectful of time so each person has opportunity. Ensure sharing time does not cut into prayer time.

May you find strength in prayer and sharing and learning from God’s Word. Coming together in prayer and devotion will only strengthen the resolve each one of us has as believers to stand together… and strengthen what remains. (Revelations 3:2)

Foreword

This book was conceived a year ago at a writer’s conference in Glorieta, New Mexico. I left California excited to write about my dogs. The editors weren’t interested. Your singleness defines you, one said staring at me over the table after I told her what I wanted to write about.

So, I said to God one sleepless night, If you write it with me and it’s fun…I’ll do it. He laughed and pampered me through the next few months until the Mt. Hermon Writer’s Conference in April, 2007 for the birthing of the book. The water broke there and difficult times began. An editor asked me to add study guides. (My famous last words: I don’t do study guides.)

Some of the stories are mine but many are from wonderful single Christian girlfriends (and some married and since-married!) rowing together down the river of life and learning and growing through the challenges at every stop. These include the dances on the docks we’ve shared with a special someone God has brought into our lives at a special season. Many times we’ve had experiences we would have gladly missed—if we hadn’t met them—or sadly missed!

No matter our situation, single or single-again, my hope is that we never lose sight of the dreams God has given us. Our earthly pilgrimage is short. God waits from heaven and watches over His own. He is a God of surprises. He is a God who loves us in our deepest pain so we feel His presence and His rejoicing, amazingly with song, over us…His daughters by design.

He put the love inside of us to love. To carry a torch of desire—to love a man in the way He created us to, in the manner He designed (marriage)—is a torch to carry courageously and never suppress because of remarks by some in our great cloud of witnesses.

I’ve written this book to encourage single sisters in their earthly pilgrimage over the mountains of difficulty that are common to women—ones they may feel they are facing alone—especially if they are not around many other single Christian women.

If the years pass and we desire a helpmate in life it often becomes a heavy burden, a difficult desire to bear particularly if that hope is a torch we have carried high through the obvious leaner years, the family building years. After long solitary treks we can lose heart—particularly if we have welcomed many sunrises with that torch and fallen asleep to its glow through many black canopied nights. Those in relationships that snuffed out the fire by cold blasts of wind are barely keeping the torch lit by God’s grace.

Who can know the deep desires of our hearts but God? Who can know the weight of that burning torch but those who run with us and cheer us on lest we drop it wearily to the floor? We carry it as a gift from the Giver. We learn to carry it as a blessing, not a curse.

Hold the torch of your dreams high. If you are—tell people you are open to a godly guy and keep running the race God has given you as His daughter. As children of a Mighty King we know He will do the best thing. We know He is good. Knights are not miracles; they exist as men. God’s sons are scattered throughout the earth and sometimes tucked in hills or computer cubbyholes! Meeting one is a miracle. But God planned the universe. He can orchestrate our meeting if it is His will. If and when we meet, it will be in His time. I’m more acutely aware of this in the last few years with all the long-awaited marriages around me. In His time and for His glory He writes the pages of our story.

He wills to see us finish the course He has laid out for us. He desires we break the finish-line banner with our torches lifted high, our lights burning brightly with or without a man by our side—with or without a metal ring from a mortal groom.

We will enter heaven carrying all the feelings and thoughts of living, vibrant, children of God. We will enter heaven welcomed warmly and full of wonder. We know when we greet our Lord of the Ringless, our immortal Bridegroom, He will give each one of us His robe and place His eternal ring on our finger. May we finish victoriously by living each day strong in His strength and to His delight—the One who lights our souls with life.

***

The Pink Tarantula

My daughter asked for a Polly Pocket So-Hip Cruise Ship for Christmas in October. I stopped swimming and looked past the group of women, half of them bobbing up and down for their water aerobics class wearing Santa Claus hats, and zeroed in on the instructor. She was laughing about her daughter’s Christmas wish list as she walked back and forth directing the class from the edge of the pool, decked in her red and white tassel cap.

She had five things on her list, she continued. I picked up the Polly Pocket Cruise Ship in October. She grinned, And she’s still asking for it now—I knew she wouldn’t change her mind! She twirled her rope whistle in her hand, I told her she could ask for five things. That was the first one.

The pool water seemed to settle as we all began listening more intently. Second, she wanted a stuffed animal for her hamster and third, she paused raising her voice, a pink tarantula! The instructor stopped pacing and emphatically shrugged her shoulders, I’ll never know where she came up with that one…or where to find one! We all laughed imagining a very hairy girl spider somewhere on another planet.

Fourth she wanted peace and happiness for everybody, the instructor straightened her posture, and fifth, peace in the world. She looked at us with the look only a mom could have when her child exceeds expectations. The silent pool sang a stunning applause.

Just for a moment our hearts warmed up a few degrees before the ladies began following exercise instructions and I started swimming again. But now, my focus had shifted toward this eight-year-old’s wishes.

They were beautiful. She asked her single mom for a toy she could afford to give her. She wanted her hamster to have a stuffed animal so he could feel good too. We will never know what the pink tarantula was about. She prayed for the gifts that really make Christmas special for anyone—that all people would have peace in their hearts and feel happiness. When I was her age and in public school, a loaded classroom would stomp our feet and clap our hands to If you’re happy and you know it.... I wondered if she’s seen kids at school looking sad at the holidays.Finally she prayed for world peace. Does she see her mother’s concern over the war in Iraq while watching the 5 o’clock news? Does she know we just lost a young 20 year old soldier who was raised in our town and honored in our community paper? Just as her mother gushed with pride at her daughter’s Christmas list, I felt blessed to hear the beat of her heart.

It is a stark contrast to a woman I overheard griping once at a nurse’s station about a gift her boyfriend had given her. He bought her a kitchen appliance when she wanted a trip to Jamaica, or maybe it was Venus.

I broke up with him, she snidely rolled her eyes. If he doesn’t know what I want by now—I’m moving on.

See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.

Matthew 18:10

God, may our prayers reflect the heart of a child to You. We are grateful that You want to know what we want and You go out of Your way to make sure we will receive good things at the right time. Thank you for caring about our animals and their needs. You don’t balk when we ask for things that defy nature because we know how all-powerful You are.

Lord, we know the greatest gifts are peace and hope for everyone around us, young and old. We pray remembering there are many hungry and homeless in our world. We never want to forget those in our military who guard over our nation throughout the world and even give their lives in hope for a world where we can live together in safety and peace. Lord, heal our hearts as You hear our prayers. Amen.

Heart to Heart Pink Tarantula

Digging Deeper

We do not want to be beginners at prayer, but let us be convinced of the fact that we will never be anything but beginners, all our life!

—Thomas Merton

•Read Philippians 4:6-7. What can we pray about? It is OK to pray for ourselves. In fact, it is biblical! Do you?

•Read 1 Peter 5:6. Why does God tell us to pray? Believe Him…

•Read Thessalonians 4:1. When should we pray? When do you pray?

•Read Ephesians 6:18. Who should we pray for? Who do you pray for?

•Read Romans 8:26. Who helps us when we pray? Ask the Holy Spirit to pray through you.

•Where do you pray? Are you limiting yourself? Try it: walking, working, washing dishes, mowing, jogging, hiking, swimming, at the gym (with Scripture memorization cards for your weight repetitions) stoplights, waiting rooms, weeding: pray!

Heart Check

Who one believes God to be is most accurately revealed not in any credo but in the way one speaks to God when no one is listening.

—Nancy Mairs

Compare Matthew 6:9 and Job 42:10. What is the common denominator in these verses?

How much time do you pray for yourself and how much time do you pray for others?

Pray for yourself or others using the Scriptures for guidance (Bible open in front of you).

•Pray Ephesians 1:17-21 for yourself. Now pray it for a friend.

•Repeat using Philippians 1:9-11 and Ephesians 3:14-20.

As a child trusts a loving Father, trust the Lord with your life. Have you struggled with God, thinking your prayers are not being answered? Believe in His perfect love for you.

"God answers all prayers.

If the request is wrong, God says ‘No.’

If the timing is wrong, God says ‘Slow.’

If you are wrong, God says ‘Grow.’

But if the request is right, the timing is right, and you are right, God says ‘Go!’"

—Too Busy Not to Pray, Bill Hybels

"Know that the Lord is God,

It is he who made us, and we are his;

We are His people, the sheep of His pasture."

—Psalm 100:3 (NKJV)

"Be still, and know that I am God…

The Lord Almighty is with us…"

—Psalm 46:10-11 (NKJV)

Exercise to Freedom

The universe is done. The greater masterpiece, still undone, still in the process of being created, is history. For accomplishing His grand design God needs the help of man.

—Abraham Heschel

•Have you ever told someone you’d pray for them and forgotten? Next time someone asks you to pray, if it is appropriate, ask them if they would like to pray together right then.

•Try one day of praying continuously! Morning, noon and night as David said.

•Brainstorm focused prayer using a mental reminder: Correlate days of the week to different prayer focus:

Monday = missionaries,

Tuesday = family,

Wednesday = workplace etc.

•Ask God for a prayer partner—someone you can call anytime and agree in prayer. The phone calls can be brief: I have a stressful situation coming up and wondered if you had a minute to pray with me? I don’t often spend much time talking with my prayer partners. We usually have five to ten minute conversations and then pray, or sometimes it’s, Yes, What is it? I’ll pray right now. Bingo! We agree and hang up.

"Prayer is not a substitute for action

Prayer is an action for which there is no substitute"

—(Source unknown)

Plan a Prayer Gathering

Ask your friends if they would like to gather at your house or one of theirs to pray. Send out emails and set a time. Consider scheduling a monthly event; i.e., first Sunday of the month.

Use the fingers of a hand as a method of focused prayer, tackling one subject at a time.

Thumb—nearest to our heart—pray for family, friends, ourselves.

Index finger—points away—pray for those living in distant areas, soldiers, missionaries etc.

Long finger—tallest—pray for those in authority; pastors, president, government officials.

Ring finger—represents relationships—pray for marriages, engagements, and singles desiring marriage.

Pinkie—weakest digit—pray for the sick, prisoners, backslidden, hurting.

Resources:

www.Mysoldier.comSupport our troops

www.Opendoors.orgInternational gospel outreach to persecuted church (founder, Brother Andrew, author of The Godsmuggler)

www.Samaritanspurse.orgInternational relief Christian organization (founder, Franklin Graham)

www.StrategicRenewal.comNational prayer ministry igniting renewal, revival

Plan to attend or invite the ministry to your church. (founder, Daniel Hendersen)

Join the National Day of Prayer Task Force by organizing a conference at your church or host a gathering at your house on the first Thursday of May. Materials and information can be obtained through www.nationaldayofprayer.org

***

Solitude

Solitude is not loneliness, but alone time with purpose. In a world of commotion and noise solitude is difficult to achieve, especially at home with phones, computers and endless distractions to clutter our minds like an overstuffed garage.

I have one friend who periodically informed friends she would be spending time reading all weekend at home, and not taking calls on her privately scheduled mini-retreats. One past roommate periodically drove the Mendocino Coast to The Lord’s Land (a Christian retreat area with rustic cabins from the sixties Jesus era) for alone time. Another friend has mornings with God at a favorite coffee shop, where she brings her Bible, her journal, her guitar and just relaxes for a few hours. She likes Luke 4:42…At daybreak Jesus went out to a solitary place. Claire Cloninger reveals the rewards of solitude in her book Dear Abba:

For only in the solitary world of prayer can you be equipped to live in the crowded world of others. In the solitude I will siphon off the poisons of resentment and jealousy, covetousness and fear. In the solitude I will fuel you with my mercy and gentleness, my patience and grace. And as you return day after day to the peace and solitude of prayer, you will begin to find yourself more and more able to carry that peace and solitude away with you, back into the noisy, crowded world, like a turtle carries its home upon its back.¹

We pray not only for ourselves, but for others. Jesus taught us to pray, Our Father, so we must always catch ourselves if there’s too much of I, me and myself in our prayers. It is our natural inclination to pray for ourselves; but it is God’s inspiration to pray for