Growing in Age: Ageing in Today’s Society

Growing in Age

Ageing in today’s society

Anne Millar

Copyright © 2013 Anne Millar

Smashwords edition

First published in print format 2001

by Philip Garside Publishing Ltd.

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

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Acknowledgements for 2001 print edition

Front cover photo of Anne and Jim Millar taken by: David Millar

Reflection original painting Chapter 4 by: Elizabeth Baxter

Cover design: Philip Garside

Those courageous people through the years who have trusted me to journey with them. Jim and our family for love and encouragement and our ten young grand­children for the joy they bring. Presbyterian Support (Upper South Island) for opportunity and the inspiration of colleagues. Dame Phyllis Guthardt and Ruth Buhrkuhl for supervision of the Diploma of Scholar in Theology from which the book was developed. The Smethurst Trust Fund and Travel and Study Committee of the Methodist Church for financial assistance and to Owen Workman for word processing of the Diploma.

This book is dedicated to my parents Margaret and Ian Kilgour who have

lived, loved, aged and died with integrity, grace and dignity.

The publishers gratefully acknowledge the generous assistance of

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ISBN 978-1-927260-03-6

Philip Garside Publishing Ltd

PO Box 17160

Wellington 6147

New Zealand

books@pgpl.co.nz

www.pgpl.co.nz

Table of Contents

Title and Copyright

Preface

Introduction

1 — Our Ageing Society

Ageism

The Ageing Population

Myths and Realities

Chronology

Ill Health

Mental Deterioration

Inflexible Personality

Withdrawal and Disengagement

Asexuality

The Effects of Social Policy

The Feminisation of Ageing

2 — The Journey of Ageing

Developmental Tasks

Reminiscence and Life Review

Lifelong Learning

Health and Well-being

Spirituality

3 — Relationships

Retirement

Expectations and Implications

Relationships in Retirement

Retirement Villages

Marriage

Illness and Caring for a Partner

Separation and Divorce

Remarriage

Alternative Arrangements

Immigrants

Single Women

Single Men

Gay and Lesbian Relationships

Sexuality

Grandparenting

4 — Changes and Challenges

Loss and Grief

Complicated Grieving

Death of a Loved One

Living Alone

Men and Bereavement

Depression

Dementia

Alzheimer’s Disease

Multi-Infarct or Vascular Dementia

Other Dementias

The Person and Their Caregivers

Spiritual Needs

The Last Days of Living

Rights and Choices

Responses to Dying

Family Involvement

5 — Careful Caring

Caring in the Family

Supporting Parents in Their Home

Sharing Living Arrangements

Residential/Hospital Care

Carer Stress

Spirituality in the Caregiving Role

Residential Care

Quality of Life

Elder Abuse

The Family Context

Institutional Abuse

6 — A Legacy for Future Generations

Role Models and Mentors

Story Tellers

A Global Contribution

Conclusion

Bibliography

Organisations to Contact in New Zealand

Index

About this book

About the Author

What others say…

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Preface

At a time of much comment on our ageing population and the burden of financing and providing services, this book has been written with a strong desire to highlight the other side of the coin. Anne Millar aims to raise awareness of the issues, values and ambitions of older people as well as their integral place and value to our family and community life. She has used the Definition of an Elder, formulated in 1975 by the International Federation of Ageing, as a starting point for her writing.

Anne draws on her wide experience of older people, theological studies, training and insights as a counsellor to present a holistic and compassionate description of the issues we confront as we age.

In 1986 Anne joined the staff of Presbyterian Support (Upper South Island) when this social service organisation was starting pioneering work supporting older people living in the community. While their medical needs were largely addressed Presbyterian Support wanted to explore with older people the effects on their health and well being of loss and grief, life transitions and their spirituality.

Anne had an important role in developing an exciting and successful range of ground-breaking services that are still being provided in Canterbury. Their value and the insights from which they were developed have been recognised by others working with older people in the service sector and the churches. As a result, Anne and her colleagues also have an important teaching role in these sectors.

This book is written in lay person’s language and does not attempt to provide a scholarly text or to cover medical matters in detail. Both the language and the sensitivity to the subjects result in an easily read and thought provoking reference for those working with older people at all levels, families and useful information for older people themselves. Anne’s intention to share her own and her colleagues learning and insights to help change negative attitudes and remove stereotypes has been realised in this most valuable book.

Anne remains a counsellor at Presbyterian Support and continues to bring many of the understandings from her studies to her current work.

Ruth Buhrkuhl, Area Service Manager

Presbyterian Support (Upper South Island), 2001

Introduction

An Elder is a person who is still growing, still learning, still with potential and whose future life continues to have within it promise for and connection to the future.

An Elder is still in pursuit of happiness, joy and pleasure, and his or her birthright to these remains intact.

Moreover, an Elder is a person who deserves respect and honour and whose work is to synthesise wisdom from lifelong experience and formulate this into a legacy for future generations.

This definition was formulated in 1975 by the International Federation of Ageing. It is in marked contrast to the general attitudes that prevail towards ageing and ageing people. I don’t want to grow old, is heard from many people today as they look ahead to an increased life expectancy, but there is no choice about it unless we die young. When does old age begin and who answers that question? Legislation and eligibility for national superannuation have largely determined this. Over the decades it has varied from 60 to 65 years of age. Some people appear old long before this, others are young in their 90s. To recognise the diversity among older people I use the term ‘older people’ throughout this book and consider the starting place for its use as 60 years of age.

Aspects of ageing in contemporary New Zealand society outlined here are mainly from a mono-cultural perspective. However, I also acknowledge the learnings and richness contributed to life in this country by the tangata whenua and other cultures who are part of our society.

The subjects covered in this book have been distilled from many years of professional training and experience as being important. Older people themselves have taught me so much as joys, struggles and sorrows have been shared. References to individuals have had details changed and material used is with permission.

The International Federation on Ageing developed a Declaration of Rights and Responsibilities of Older Persons which was adopted by the United Nations General Assembly in 1991. The broad headings are:

Independence

Participation

Care

Self-Fulfilment, and

Dignity.

The section on dignity states that, "Older persons have the right to:

Be treated fairly regardless of age, gender, racial or ethnic background, disability or other status and to be valued independently of their economic contributions.

Live in dignity and security and to be free of exploitation and physical or mental abuse.

Exercise personal autonomy in health care decision-making, including the right to die with dignity by assenting to or rejecting treatments designed solely to prolong life."

New opportunities open up for the future as New Zealand meets the challenge of its increasing number of older citizens. Acknowledging the past, learning from mistakes and noting attitudes that have diminished people, enables a journey into the future which is open to new and creative possibilities for positive attitudes to ageing. It is how we age and how we view this stage in life’s journey that is important. Hope is not discouraged by the past but believes in the promise of the future.

I hope that this book will help to foster a vision of quality of life for older people.

1 — Our Ageing Society

Hutia te rito o te harakeke

kei hea te komako e ko?

Ki mai koe ki au,

He aha te mea nui o te Ao?

Maku e ki,

He tangata, he tangata, he tangata.

If the centre shoot of the flax were plucked,

Where would the bellbird sing?

You ask me,

What is most important in the world?

I would say,

’tis people, ’tis people, ’tis people.

Maori proverb ¹

New Zealand society today is in danger of overlooking the importance of people. Government policies have widened the gap between rich and poor. People’s value is being measured in terms of their usefulness, productivity and consumer potential. Technological developments are creating depersonalised services. Older people are increasing in numbers and are experiencing the impact of these changing times and attitudes.

Ageing and ageing people are often viewed negatively in our society. Many fears are expressed by individuals and there are alarmist projections about the implications of an ageing population. The ageing of populations is a world trend. Concerns have been raised in almost every part of the world on the implications of an ageing population.² It is a great modern achievement that life expectancy continues to increase due to advances in medicine, science and improved social conditions.

There are major implications for social and economic policies as we move into a new century. Concern about the challenges presented by increasing numbers of older people gives rise to dramatic headlines in the media, e.g. IMPENDING CRISES, GREY PROBLEMS SET TO INCREASE, GREY-HAIRED GLUT LOOMS IN POPULATION FORECAST. The attitudes implicit in these headlines contribute to the negative way many older people feel about themselves.

Ageism

Negativity to ageing is evident in attitudes towards middle age. Birthday cards and coffee mugs with messages about ageing make people laugh but reinforce negative attitudes and fears. Recently a 37 year old was heard to say, I’m on the downhill run.

Less well concealed are attitudes to the later stages of life. Language and phrases used depersonalise and devalue people, who are individuals with their own unique life experience. Our culture frequently portrays older people as past it, forgetful, dependent, sick and senile. Phrases like geriatrics, the olds, wrinklies, old boy, and dirty old man all reinforce ageist attitudes. Geriatrics is the medical study of old age and when used to describe people is insulting. It is even worse when abbreviated to the gerries!

Ageism, like racism and sexism, is a prejudice. It is insidious and pervasive. Those working with older people become aware of attitudes to their work from others. Nurses, doctors, social workers, counsellors, careworkers and people in ministry with ageing people may feel their roles are devalued by friends and peers, often in subtle ways. It can be frustrating to keep explaining that older people are on the same journey through life as everyone else and continue to face challenges, changes, losses and grief. Unless we die young, ageing is a journey we will all experience.

In March 1998, North and South magazine printed an article about a Christchurch woman and her interesting life of achievement. Gladys Goodall was interviewed by Cate Brett who said, …but put on the crumpled mask of old age and nobody will suspect you of personality; no one will guess at the intellect, the wit, the prejudice and passion lurking behind those rheumy eyes.³

Western society values some old things; old cars, books, antiques and houses are sought after and people pay high prices for them. Other old things are disposable and readily replaced. A four year old grandchild was looking at his Nana’s gold bangle. She was explaining how it had belonged to her grandmother and it was very old. You should get a new one, he said.

How do we value our older people and what messages are they being given about their worth and value especially in advanced