Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    Fishin' Tales (and the ones that got away)
    Fishin' Tales (and the ones that got away)
    Fishin' Tales (and the ones that got away)
    Ebook149 pages1 hour

    Fishin' Tales (and the ones that got away)

    By Roy D. Mercer

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    Roy D. Mercer is best known for his colorful phone calls and threats of ass whuppin’s and pop knots, but people who really know Roy realize there’s more to him than misunderstandings. There’s family and there’s fishing.
    Few people are aware that Roy keeps a journal filled with observations about his family and his fishing trips. This book shares his tales about life in the double wide with his wife Sharon Gene, son Raymond, and step-daughter Lateesha. And of course, Lateesha’s dog, Bon Jovi.
    As Roy says, “There always seems to be a ruckus goin’ around here. There was a time when I could settle ‘em down. But then the druggist started gettin’ suspicious at how much Nyquil we’s buyin’.”
    It’s always something at the Mercer trailer.
    “We just got back from a funeral. Sharon Gene’s cousin, Kelly Gene. His poor mamma was a dislessic and she always thought she named him after the dancer. Died of lime disease. Not from a tick bite, though. No, Kelly Gene was down in Quarez on a Tequila bender and as near as them Mexican doctors could tell, he sucked so many limes, he puckered his windpipe shut and assphixinated. Bad case of lime disease,” said Roy.
    There are plenty of homemaking and child rearing tidbits here, but don’t miss out on all of Roy’s great fishing tips and tricks.
    Roy doesn’t hold with store-bought bait. He prefers to make his own and he gives out some of the recipes in this book, like:
    “Went out there and caught two or three perdy good-sized bass. Done it on some bait I made out of out-of-date biscuit dough, Cocoa Pebbles, and the run-off oil from a can of tuna fish.” You just can’t buy that kind of wisdom at the bait shop.
    He also tells of some of his favorite fishing holes while recounting fishing trips with his many fishing buddies.
    “Back on Tuesday, me and Raymond went and trickled off down the right leg of Wet Trouser Creek. If you get one of them lake and stream maps, it shows up on that thing as three or four little dark spots that trails off just south of the Tee-Tee River,” Roy says. “I did alright, but Raymond didn’t catch a thing. I told him it was ‘cause of the way he was workin’ his worm. You know usually you want to work a worm slowly back towards you, but for some reason, down on wet trouser creek, to catch anything you got to really give your worm a good shakin’.”
    So dive on into Roy’s world and learn the true country way to reel in baskets of fish and deal with family trials and tribulations.

    The reviews are rolling in:
    "Roy rote a book? Makes about as much sense as a chimp doing brain surgery." Dingo Malone

    Clem Kardashian says, "This family makes mine look normal."

    "It's a 55 gallon drum of Horse-hockey!" Fleet Southcott

    "After I read it, I was happier than a kid with an All-Day sucker and two tongues." Doodles Weaver

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAnn Chambers
    Release dateFeb 16, 2013
    ISBN9781301029761
    Fishin' Tales (and the ones that got away)
    Author

    Roy D. Mercer

    It’s long been legend that Roy D. Mercer was conceived under a shower of welding sparks and now, it seems that legend may actually be fact. Here’s the story as told in Roy’s own words. “Mama and Daddy was working on the Hoover Dam back in the late ‘20s or early ‘30s. Daddy was a welder and Mama hauled them weldin’ rods. You know there’s just something about two folks up on a scaffolding by theyselves. It’s hot and they got them big weldin’ goggles on and such, and nature just took its course. “They was a team, welder and weld-rod holder. Course she held more than just his weld-rod from what I understand. I come out nine months later with a full-growed set a teeth and doubled up fists.”

    Related to Fishin' Tales (and the ones that got away)

    Related ebooks

    Humor & Satire For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      Lil Spin

      May 17, 2019

      Lil Spin
      8 min read

    • Article

      Order Form

      Mar 18, 2021

      Order Form
      3 min read

    • Article

      Florida, Man!

      Nov 14, 2019

      Florida, Man!
      3 min read

    • Article

      Woman About Town

      Jul 28, 2022

      Woman About Town
      5 min read

    • Article

      Watch Your Step

      Nov 19, 2020

      Watch Your Step
      5 min read

    • Article

      American Summer

      Jul 13, 2021

      American Summer
      7 min read

    • Article

      Old Man And The Bayou

      Apr 20, 2021

      Old Man And The Bayou
      6 min read

    • Article

      Pack Mentality

      Sep 19, 2022

      Pack Mentality
      5 min read

    • Article

      Emerald City Escape

      Dec 17, 2020

      Emerald City Escape
      4 min read

    • Article

      Rebel Love

      Dec 20, 2018

      Rebel Love
      8 min read

    • Article

      Howl Palace

      Sep 15, 2019

      Last week, I finally had to put Howl Palace up for sale. Years of poor financial planning had led to this decision, and I tried to take some comfort in my agent’s belief in a buyer who might show up with an all-cash offer. My agent is a highly organi

      25 min read

    • Article

      BARRA, BEASTS & BEERS.

      Jun 19, 2019

      BARRA, BEASTS & BEERS.
      10 min read

    • Article

      River Kismet

      Jul 21, 2020

      River Kismet
      9 min read

    • Article

      Drawer of Memories

      Apr 19, 2022

      Drawer of Memories
      5 min read

    • Article

      BARRA, BEASTS & BEERS.

      Jun 19, 2019

      BARRA, BEASTS & BEERS.
      10 min read

    • Article

      Drawer Full of Memories

      Apr 20, 2021

      Drawer Full of Memories
      5 min read

    • Article

      Three Poems

      Sep 1, 2023

      It’s Tuesday and my partner tells meI smell of vacation—so, salt, pine needles,perhaps cantaloupe—depending onthe Tuesday. As a child in the woods,I woke every morning to bad hair daysand mountain breath. Rain-water collectedin gullies of blue tarps

      4 min read

    • Article

      Murray River Pubs Part Two

      Oct 21, 2021

      Murray River Pubs Part Two
      6 min read

    • Article

      Free Spirit

      Jul 19, 2021

      Free Spirit
      4 min read

    • Article

      Old Florida

      Nov 14, 2019

      Old Florida
      7 min read

    • Article

      ‘Cygnet’: Featured Fiction from Season Butler

      Jun 25, 2019

      A excerpt from Butler's debut coming-of-age novel, set in an appealingly rich world with quirky, flawed characters and a dramatic oceanfront landscape. The post ‘Cygnet’: Featured Fiction from Season Butler appeared first on The Millions.

      4 min read

    • Article

      Shaped By Water

      Oct 5, 2021

      Shaped By Water
      10 min read

    • Article

      My Brief (Doomed) Surfing Days

      Jul 27, 2017

      My Brief (Doomed) Surfing Days
      13 min read

    • Article

      Stonehenge

      Jul 11, 2023

      Stonehenge
      7 min read

    • Article

      Free Spirit

      Jul 19, 2021

      Free Spirit
      4 min read

    • Article

      Hold On For Your Life

      Aug 26, 2021

      Hold On For Your Life
      11 min read

    • Article

      The Spot

      Jun 16, 2022

      The Spot
      7 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for Fishin' Tales (and the ones that got away)

    0 ratings

    0 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      Fishin' Tales (and the ones that got away) - Roy D. Mercer

      Introduction

      Roy D. Mercer is best known for his colorful phone calls and threats of ass whuppin’s and pop knots, but people who really know Roy realize there’s more to him than misunderstandings. There’s family and there’s fishing.

      Few people are aware that Roy keeps a journal filled with observations about his family and his fishing trips. Lucky for us, his buddy Brent Douglas ran across Roy’s journal one day while visiting the Mercer’s. Brent sat old Roy down and got him to share his tales about life in the double wide with his wife Sharon Gene, son Raymond, and step-daughter Lateesha. And of course, Lateesha’s dog, Bon Jovi.

      As Roy says, There always seems to be a ruckus goin’ around here. There was a time when I could settle ‘em down. But then the druggist started gettin’ suspiscious at how much Nyquil we’s buyin’.

      It’s always something at the Mercer trailer.

      We just got back from a funeral. Sharon Gene’s cousin, Kelly Gene. His poor mamma was a dislessic and she always thought she named him after the dancer. Died of lime disease. Not from a tick bite, though. No, Kelly Gene was down in Quarez on a Tequila bender and as near as them Mexican doctors could tell, he sucked so many limes, he puckered his windpipe shut and assphixinated. Bad case of lime disease, said Roy.

      There are plenty of homemaking and child rearing tidbits here, but don’t miss out on all of Roy’s great fishing tips and tricks.

      Roy doesn’t hold with store-bought bait. He prefers to make his own and he gives out some of the recipes in this book, like:

      Went out there and caught two or three perdy good-sized bass. Done it on some bait I made out of out-of-date biscuit dough, Cocoa Pebbles, and the run-off oil from a can of tuna fish. You just can’t buy that kind of wisdom at the bait shop.

      He also tells of some of his favorite fishing holes while recounting fishing trips with his many fishing buddies.

      Back on Tuesday, me and Raymond went and trickled off down the right leg of Wet Trouser Creek. If you get one of them lake and stream maps, it shows up on that thing as three or four little dark spots that trails off just south of the Tee-Tee River, Roy says. I did alright, but Raymond didn’t catch a thing. I told him it was ‘cause of the way he was workin’ his worm. You know usually you want to work a worm slowly back towards you, but for some reason, down on wet trouser creek, to catch anything you got to really give your worm a good shakin’.

      So dive on into Roy’s world and learn the true country way to reel in baskets of fish and deal with family trials and tribulations.

      October 6

      I caught Raymond putting my good fishin’ cap on the dog this morning. He was tryin’ to take the dog’s picture in it. I made him stop it though ‘cause that dog will chew up anything if he gets the chance. If he’d a chewed up my fitted wool Don’t lay a finger on my Butterfinger hat, I’d a had to kill the both of ‘em.

      The kids are tryin’ to get an action photo of Lateesha’s dog, Bon Jovi, before we go to the fair. She’s gonna enter him again this year in the show. And bein’s as how they’ve won it the last two years, if they win this time, they get to bring home the gold Postman’s Leg trophy.

      Course, win, lose, or draw, we always have a good time at the fair. I have to watch the girls pretty close when we go, though. Well, if I don’t keep an eye on Lateesha, ever ten minutes she’ll come back from the midway with five less ride tickets and one more hickey.

      And Sharon Gene, bless her heart. About one more state fair where she lets her mouth get bigger than my pocketbook and she’s gonna corndog and fatball me into the poorhouse. Course after what happened last year, I don’t think I have to worry. She wandered into the hog barn and before I could get her out, she’d won two blue ribbons and got a contract offer from J.C. Potter.

      I tell you though, we may have to stop and drown us some bait before we get there. I’m thinkin’ about pullin’ off up at Lake Liberace. And since we ain’t comin’ in from the backside, we won’t have to take that old dirt road.

      Another good place between here and there, of course, is the Johnny Rivers. Not a lot of people know about ‘em. In fact, to find the Johnny Rivers, you’ve almost got to be a secret agent, man.

      And if we have time, I might check my trotlines. I got a couple on Furr Patch Creek. That’s the brushy area that’s right north of the Love Canal. Oh, hell. What am I thinkin’? I got the family with me. Maybe next time.

      I got to help Sharon Gene find my old tool belt before she’ll leave for the fair. Two reasons. First, they won’t let her get on any of the rides till she torques down all the bolts herself. And reason number two, if she takes the tools out, she can put two turkey legs in the hammer holders and it leaves her hands free for beer and cigarettes.

      Oh lord. I gotta go. Raymond says the dog’s out helpin’ push Miss Turner’s Schnauzer across the back yard. We gotta go turn the hose on ‘em.

      October 13

      Sharon Gene’s on another diet. She had to since the fair. And what I want to know is, whose smart idea was it to put a Transfund machine down there? They need their ass whupped. Hell, I was holdin’ her under 5,000 calories till she wiped out her Christmas Club account and then wiped out a cotton candy stand.

      I don’t know how many she actually had, but after a while she got creative with it. Yep, she started puttin’ the cotton candy on her head like it was a big pink wig. It was the damnedest thing, too. One minute she’d be Farrah Fawcett, three bites later ... Juliette Lewis. I should have charged folks to see it. For a while there she was takin’ requests. Somebody’d shout out, Marlo Thomas, and she chew little flipped up places on the sides. Somebody else’d holler, Jane Fonda, and she nibbled her out a shag, reminiscent of Klute.

      We’d a been there for hours if somebody hadn’t yelled, Chrissie Hynde, and she licked her eyes shut tryin’ to get the bangs just right.

      I been doin’ a little fishin’ here and there. Tuesday, I went down south of the Big Bull Dike. I was right there where it forms the tongue of Lake Flannell. I run into Lateesha’s old gym coach down there — Imma Mann. Didn’t catch no fish, but Imma gave me a jar of some great big pickles. I don’t know, but I think she said they was some kind of giant African dill.

      Wednesday, Raymond had the day off from the Sonic drive-in restaurant. They had to shut down when Sparky Thompson electrocuted hisself and knocked all the power off on that side of the street a-tryin’ to hang Halloween decorations on the downtown light poles. Bad news is, Sparky’s no longer with us. Good news is, that’s one less skeleton the next feller’s got to hang.

      So, me and Raymond went up to the Cry-Me-A River. Did perdy good. Mostly bass and mainly on them little white things out of pork ‘n beans that Raymond soaked overnight with his Stridex pads.

      And yesterday, me and mamma got rid of the kids and trickled off down the middle leg of Johnson Creek. I didn’t do no good, but she caught two bonefish and a one-eyed eel.

      I promised Lateesha I’d take her to the dermatologist today and see how much he’d charge us to have the Joe tattoo on her ankle changed to Moe. I tried to talk her out of it. It won’t last. These State Fair romances never do.

      October 20

      Whew, I think that’s the clothes dryer I’m smelling. It smells like somebody left bait in their pocket again.

      There’s not much going on around here except Sharon Gene’s about to drive us all crazy tryin’ to lose that weight she put on at the fair. Now she’s on a exercise kick. Course her idea of workin’ out is puttin’ a 5-pound weight on top of the lid to the cookie jar.

      She’s even got the kids goin’ with her on her mornin’ walks. They really don’t want to, but somebody’s got the carry the ice to put between her thighs when the friction starts to build.

      I’m kinda glad they’s goin’ with her, though. ‘Cause the other day she had some problems with the kids around the trailer park. Well, Tuesday she went out in her purple sweat suit and four boys kept followin’ her around sayin’, Barney’s got boobs ... Barney’s got boobs. Kids can be so cruel.

      It sure has been perdy weather though. I went fishin’ about ever day this week. Monday afternoon, I went up to the big mouth of Ricki Lake. Only had time to fish the top part, though. Hell, it’d take a man all day to go

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1