What's Left Unsaid

WHAT’S LEFT UNSAID

Nicole Laurent

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2012 Nicole Laurent

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

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Chapter 1

Lauren studied the mating dance going around her with detached objectivity. She had never really participated in the rituals, The Dance, as it were. Her mate had claimed her when she was barely in season. At that time, there were no other males on the scene for him to fight. He found her in the field, unprotected, and wasted no time staking his claim.

Now, she watched the hunt with a detached fascination. Some males of the species were loners and held watchful vigils from their perch, scanning, choosing, formulating and then moving in for the kill. There might even be a second male on the scene, and a mock battle over the female might ensue. The fights were never to the death though, unless it was the death of an ego.

Other predators remained in groups. Mostly lounging and scratching on their shared tree limb with the occasion thought of self-grooming. Those predators weren’t so choosey. In fact, she was reasonably sure they did not mate for life. When any female of the species swung past their tree, they all postured and shrieked with equal chance at an indiscriminate mating. She could just see them picking fleas off one another.

She was startled out of her ruminations by an oversized margarita being waved in her face. Jesus, Lauren, I can’t take you anywhere, Sarah said with a laugh.

Grabbing the fresh drink from her friend, Lauren licked at the salty rim and slugged back a generous gulp. I was just people watching.

Sarah slid back onto her stool. "No, you were doing your Dian Fossey impression. This is a bar, Lauren, not Gorillas in the Mist."

Same thing.

Sarah snorted and took a sip of her own drink. It’s what singles do, hon. Put themselves out there, meet people. If they’re lucky, they make a connection.

Waving her hand in the direction of the bar, Lauren said, "This is like Wild Kingdom: Suburban Edition. I can’t imagine anybody enjoys doing this."

Sarah’s brows arched into her blond bangs. It’s hard to meet people nowadays. You’ve got work, church, online dating and your circle of friends. If those things don’t work, you go to a bar.

Lauren sipped at her drink again. I’m not looking for a man.

That’s abundantly clear. You’ve sent back drinks from two decent looking men in the last hour. The last one looked heartbroken.

That was Jason Saxby. He’s a patient of Dr. Farber’s. I know his dental history. I refuse to date a man who can’t be bothered to brush his teeth.

I’m sure it’s not that bad. You could teach him to floss. Sarah paused thoughtfully as she stirred her drink. I heard he just made partner.

"Which just proves my point. He can actually afford to pay someone to brush his teeth. Lauren shuddered. And don’t get me started on his breath. I have to stand up wind of him when he talks to me. I’m telling you, I’m done with men."

Just because the one you married was kind of a tool…

Kind of a tool? You’re too kind, Lauren smirked. We both know he’s a ginormous crap weasel.

Don’t forget good-looking.

Lauren rolled her eyes at her friend as she cleared some space on the table for the waitress. After the young woman dropped off their order of wings and a huge stack of napkins, both women dug in and by mutual understanding did not speak for a good five minutes.

Licking sauce from her fingers, Sarah helpfully reminded her, You’re in your thirties, which is far too young to cut yourself off from an entire gender. You’ve had your crap weasel. You’re due some happy. And what about companionship?

I have Cole.

Your son will grow up, get married and have his own family. You need something more.

I’ll get a cat.

Sarah looked like she was about to say something else when the band came on stage and began an extremely off-key sound check, making both women wince.

Sliding off of her stool, Lauren slung her bag over her shoulder and turned to Sarah. I’m going to go freshen up. If the waitress comes by again, order me another drink?

Lauren washed her hands, dried them and began touching up her lipstick. She paused with the tube just inches from her mouth and studied the woman in the mirror. She saw an attractive, maybe sexy thirty something woman who looked tired. She was tired. Not so much physically. She worked four days a week as a dental office manager and when the day was done, it was done. It was the working, the raising of a child and juggling the balls she used to have at least partial assistance with that seemed to suck the life right out of her. On top of that, she was tired of always second guessing her decision to divorce Aiden. It had been a no-brainer, hadn’t it?

Leaning toward the mirror, she applied lipstick to a mouth that hadn’t been kissed in passion for nearly two years. That thought made her frown. She dropped her lipstick back into her bag and fingered her chocolate curls until they looked properly tousled. Then she stood straight, turned to the side and sucked in her stomach. Not bad … if she could hold her breath all night.

With a sigh, she hooked her bag over her shoulder and stalked out of the bathroom and into the dark hall, colliding with a rather large, warm blooded, and delightfully musky smelling obstacle. Big hands squeezed her upper arms stopping her in her tracks.

My fault! she gasped as she attempted to step around the man. She hadn’t been this close and personal with any man in a good long time, and her body was thrumming just from this stranger’s touch and scent. She needed to get back to the table, or better yet, back home. She wasn’t safe for mixed company.

Lauren?

That voice; deep, smooth as whiskey, and tugging at things low in her body. She knew that voice. Lifting her head, she ran her gaze up a broad chest to a muscular, tan neck, a roughly whiskered square jaw, and then she reached his eyes. Oh, God. That voice belonged to a man who should not make her think of sweaty bodies and damp sheets. Jesus.

She’d been perving on one of her oldest friends.

Graham! She launched herself at him—hiding her blush—and wrapped her arms around his neck. His big body enveloped hers easily, allowing her to feel his warmth, his incredible strength, his affection. Loosening her hold, she inched back to look up at his face.

He was, if possible, more handsome than she remembered. Towering over her at six foot two, he had a warm, naturally dark complexion, hinting at some Mediterranean ancestry. His black hair was on the short side, but long enough that she could see the beginnings of the natural wave she remembered. His chocolaty brown eyes crinkled at the corners as he took her in, the laugh lines having deepened in the last few years. Being a man, it only served to make him sexier.

Lauren smiled up into his face. What are you doing home?

He slowly pulled back from her embrace, stuffed his hands into the pockets of his faded jeans and cocked his head to the side. I’ve been home a month, girl. I’m at my dad’s old place. Aiden didn’t tell you?

Her smile froze and slid away. No. He didn’t mention it.

The perplexed look on Graham’s face remained. He took a step back towards the entrance of the short hall and scanned the entire bar. Are you guys at a table?

Who? Even as she asked, she had the sick feeling that Graham might have missed a memo or two.

He frowned. You and Aiden.

Why would I be here with Aiden?

Graham stepped closer, his eyes cautious. Because he’s your husband?

Stunned, Lauren cleared her throat and said slowly, precisely, Graham. We’re divorced.

Graham looked at her as if she were speaking in tongues. But he said nothing, just waited patiently for her to elaborate. She cleared her throat again, just out of sheer nervousness, and looked down at her feet. Peeking back up at him, she asked, How do you not know this?

He studied her for a few moments with those liquid eyes that seemed to ask far more than his mouth would ever say. At length, he said, Look, can we sit down somewhere?

I’m here with a friend.

Okay.

Tucking a curl behind her ear and mentally cursing the nervous gesture, she said, Come over and let me introduce you to Sarah. Unless you have other plans.

His mouth tipped into that sweet smile he always reserved for her. I just stopped by for a beer and to watch the game. I didn’t realize there would be a band playing. Where’s your table?

Lauren led Graham to where Sarah waited via the obstacle course of chairs, tables and boisterous people. Sarah saw them approach and her eyes widened a bit when she got a good look at Graham. Shifting her gaze back to Lauren, Sarah’s eyes screamed, Score!

Graham pulled out Lauren’s chair but remained standing. Sarah, Lauren began, this is one of my oldest friends from forever, Graham Young. Graham, this is my best friend and neighbor, Sarah Lee. Graham shook Sarah’s hand and smirked. "The Sara Lee? As in, ‘Nobody does it like Sara Lee’?"

Laughing, Sarah withdrew her hand and said, "Yes, but actually it’s ‘Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee.’ And I’ve never heard that before," she grinned at him.

Sorry, Graham chuckled, I couldn’t stop myself.

After Graham took the seat in between them, Lauren said, So you said you’ve been home a month. Why didn’t you call?

Graham’s questioning gaze held hers. I did. Three weeks ago. I left a message on Aiden’s cell. That’s the only number for you guys that I have. I didn’t hear back so I figured you were busy.

Too busy for you?

He shrugged, as if to say, what can you do?

Aiden didn’t call you back? Lauren asked.

Not yet. I mentioned on the message that I would be in town for a few months at least so maybe he figures he has time to get back to me. We haven’t been in touch much the last few years with me being almost continuously deployed but-

So you’re on leave for a while?

I’m done. I’m out.

You retired? Lauren squeaked.

Graham shrugged again. How could he do something so huge as retire from the military and not tell them? Tell her?

Just then, the server swung by and plopped a mug of beer in front of Graham. The conversation stalled and Lauren looked over at Sarah. Lauren knew that Sarah had a million questions but Lauren herself had a million of her own and some of them would need to be directed to her ex-husband. She watched Graham as he dragged his beer this way and that, seemingly at a loss for things to say.

So Graham, what branch of the military were you in? Sarah asked.

Army, ma’am, twenty years.

Sarah tittered and said, Don’t call me ma’am, it makes me feel old.

He winked and said, "Not my intention, just a respect thing. We are in the South, after all."

Sarah dimpled at him and Lauren nearly rolled her eyes. If this Q and A went on much longer, Sarah would start simpering and succumbing to the vapors, two very undignified conditions for the modern married woman.

Sarah asked, What did you do in the Army, if you don’t mind me asking?

Graham took a swig of his beer and swallowed. Special Forces.

It looked to Lauren like Sarah was barely suppressing an orgasm. She actually fanned herself with a sauce-stained napkin.

So you’re moving to Wakefield? Sarah prodded.

Swiveling in his chair to face her hussy friend, Graham said, I’m not sure. My dad died a few years ago and left me his old house on Lake Arrow. I’m trying to decide if I should fix it up and sell it or fix it up and keep it.

As Sarah and Graham talked, Lauren studied the man who had been her friend for the last twenty years. Graham’s best friend was her ex-husband, Aiden. Both boys were on the football team but that was where their similarities ended; the men were nearly polar opposites. Aiden was blond and Graham was dark. Aiden wore his personality, his charm and his looks like an aura, shining so brightly; it almost hurt to look at him. Graham was rough-hewn, more aggressively male, but attractive all the same. He would never be considered classically handsome but most women agreed he was the quintessential man.

Lauren tried to follow the thread of conversation but she couldn’t focus on anything but her own shock. How could Aiden keep Graham in the dark about their divorce? Why? And why hadn’t he bothered to return Graham’s call?

She had filed for divorce not long after Graham had come home for his father’s funeral. Aiden was his closest friend. Guys told each other stuff like that, didn’t they? Graham had been her friend too, but Lauren had assumed that Aiden had won custody of him in the divorce. She hadn’t heard from him in two years but she could never decide if it was because he was on some secret black ops mission or if he had washed his hands of her for divorcing Aiden.

Sarah kept the conversation going for a while but it soon became obvious that Lauren was lost in her own thoughts. The band had started playing and Lauren felt the beginnings of a headache. The deep pounding bass coming from the speakers near their table only seemed to amplify it.

She meant to glance covertly at Graham, but the way his knowing eyes locked on hers let her know he had been watching her. She looked at Sarah and said, My head’s killing me. Would you be mad if we called it a night?

Raising her hand to catch the waitress’s attention, Sarah said, Not at all, hon. I’ll take care of the bill and you call the taxi service.

Under the table, Graham nudged Lauren’s knee with his. I’m taking you home. His tone brooked no argument.

***

Graham parked his Ford F150 in Lauren’s driveway and both Lauren and Graham stayed outside to watch Sarah get securely into her house. Nice set-up you got here. Girlfriend lives next door?

We were neighbors first and then our boys became friends. Can you see Aiden agreeing to buy a house just so I could be close to my friend?

Dead silence. They had been leaning against the side of his truck and Lauren turned her head to look at him. He was somewhere in his own head, eyes squinting off into the distance.

Graham straightened from the truck and turned to Lauren. I don’t know what to think. I can’t really wrap my head around this.

Lauren cleared her throat and straightened too. Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?

Nodding, Graham followed her into the house. They made their way through the dark front room and then into the kitchen where only a small lantern style light glowed over the sink. He leaned against the counter and silently watched as she made herself busy filling the carafe with water, measuring out coffee grounds and taking out mugs. Though the chores were simple ones, she felt as if she were forging her way through a bog.

The coffee maker hissed and gurgled and the sounds seemed somehow amplified to Lauren in the otherwise silent kitchen. She turned and leaned against the opposite counter facing Graham. So let me get this straight. Aiden never told you we were divorced?

Arms and ankles crossed, Graham looked at the floor and shook his head.

He didn’t tell you we were separated? Not getting along? Nothing?

He looked up at her then. Not a word. She could see the shadow of hurt in his eyes as he spoke.

Shaking her head slowly, she asked, How is that possible? I thought you guys corresponded.

We did, he agreed.

And?

Graham shrugged his broad shoulders. He never said a word.

Don’t you think that’s odd?

Lauren, like I said, I don’t know what to think. Our letters never got that personal, you know what I mean?

Laughing wryly, she said, No. I mean, I don’t know what kind of letters guys write to each other. But surely you see that it’s odd that Aiden would fail to mention that I filed for divorce nearly two years ago! Though she didn’t mean to, she’d raised her voice by the end of her brief tirade.

He smirked at her and said, Well it sounds like you’re a little pissed.

Hell, yes, I’m pissed! I’m a lot of things, but pissed is winning right now. Why aren’t you?

I’m working on it.

Lauren shoved her fingers through her hair and turned to pour the coffee. Who has to work at being pissed? You either are or you aren’t. I’m not seeing any gray areas here.

He shuffled up behind her and reached to take the mug she offered as she turned. Twenty years of military training. It doesn’t pay to react from emotion.

She blew over the rim of her mug. So you don’t get mad?

Sure I do.

When? Like a year later?

After he sipped at his coffee he said, When I’ve had time to process things.

Lauren cocked a single eyebrow. Good luck with that. It’s been two years and I’m still processing things.

You guys still talk?

When we have to, which is more than I’d like. We share custody of Cole so it’s a necessary evil. Saying that children bind you together is the opposite of hyperbole.

How’d Cole take it?

She shrugged and thought a moment. Better than some. I’m sure he’d prefer we were still together but I think he’s come through it okay. He gets to spend plenty of time with his dad. Aiden spends more time with him now than he did when we were married, so I guess that’s something.

Who asked for the divorce?

I did.

He looked at her clearly expecting an explanation. When she didn’t continue, he said, Do you not want to talk about this?

Nothing much to say. I’m living a cliché.

Graham’s face remained blank but his eyes hardened with dawning realization.

She turned and dumped the remains of her coffee in the sink. She’d made it too strong. The white porcelain of the basin was scratched and gouged and Lauren found it infinitely easier to look at than Graham’s eyes. Graham’s eyes saw too much, and she was embarrassed that she still felt like Aiden’s philandering reflected badly on her somehow. Like she wasn’t enough of a wife. Enough of a person. Enough.

He had an affair, she told him quietly.

Graham’s hand settled gently on her shoulder. Voice low, he said, I’m sorry.

He placed his mug on the counter near her hip and turned her into his arms, folding her against his chest. After laying a soft kiss on the top of her head, he said, I’m sorry that happened to you and I’m sorry I wasn’t here. You shouldn’t have gone through that alone.

Lauren burrowed into his chest, relishing the comfort and safety of having a man’s arms around her. It was the first time she felt safe in two years, and that realization brought the sting of tears to her eyes.

Stepping away a moment, Graham tore off a piece of paper towel and handed it to her so that she could clean up her face. He put his arms back around her and waited patiently for her to pull herself together.

It was Meredith, she muttered.

Graham froze in the act of tucking an errant curl behind her ear. Excuse me?

I found him with Meredith.

Taylor? From high school?

She looked up at him and gave him a grim smile. Small world, eh?

Incredulous, he said, He brought her into your house?

Her grim smile fizzled and she shook her head. "He brought her to your father’s house. Your house."

I don’t understand.

I thought maybe he was taking care of some business on his lunch hour. It was right after your dad’s funeral. You had asked that I stop by the lake house periodically to make sure that the contractors you hired were actually doing the work. I stopped by. His car was there. Another car was there. She pulled out of his embrace and leaned against the sink. I found them on your sofa.

She picked up his mug and rinsed it. As she shut off the faucet he said, Why didn’t you tell me what was going on?

Lauren braced her hands on the edge of the sink. Your dad just died and you were overseas. You needed to stay focused. You didn’t need-

Do you really think you were doing me a favor keeping me out of the loop? He interrupted, sounding more than a little incredulous.

I figured Aiden must have told you and you had nothing to say to me.

There was a good ten seconds of silence before Graham said, You think I’d give Aiden a pass for that? That I’d choose his side over yours? Hearing him say it that way made the notion sound preposterous. But she’d been walking around shell-shocked for some time, and Aiden’s infidelity had had her questioning how well she really knew anybody.

She let out a sigh and dropped her chin to her chest. No. No. It’s just … I know that there are a lot of marriages affected by a single act of infidelity, a slip. And in some cases, the marriage can survive it. I thought maybe you were disappointed in me that I didn’t stick it out. Try harder.

I would never presume to judge a marriage, Graham said quietly. I’ve never been married. I might think I know what that level of commitment entails; I can’t know it, because I haven’t lived it. I do know Aiden. He may be one of my best friends, but we’ve clearly grown apart. I got a few brief letters from him over the last two years but they were just catching me up on local stuff, telling me about Cole’s soccer playoffs. He never really mentioned you.

Lauren turned to face him then. Didn’t you think that was odd?

Nah. I mean, what’s he gonna say? In my experience, guys don’t generally talk about their wives unless they’re complaining.

I guess you’re right. But this wasn’t minutiae. This was a big deal. You’re our oldest friend and Cole’s godfather. How could he just skip over this?

Graham pulled her into a hug, rubbed her back and said, I don’t know, sweetheart. But I do think he owes me an explanation.

She nodded into his chest, then cleared her throat, suddenly uncomfortable. She just remembered she was single. And that Graham was single, and very, very sexy … and he smelled good, too. This sudden awkwardness seemed ridiculous.

Graham had been a part of her life, her family’s life for years. They had shared many hugs and when they were younger, she’d occasionally plop onto his lap without a thought. But she couldn’t remember a time where he’d stood this intimately close to her for a sustained period of time. It felt unsettling, and she didn’t understand why. Or maybe she did, and she didn’t want to think about it.

Graham released her from his embrace and tugged on her hand. I should take off. Walk me out?

She followed him to the front door where he paused with his hand on the knob and turned back to her. Promise me something.

Brow furrowed, she said, Sure.

Promise not to keep me out of the loop again. He grabbed for her hand once again, squeezing her fingers. You know where I live and you have my numbers, right?

She nodded and looked down at