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    How to be the Loving, Wise Parent You Want To Be...Even With Your Teenager!
    How to be the Loving, Wise Parent You Want To Be...Even With Your Teenager!
    How to be the Loving, Wise Parent You Want To Be...Even With Your Teenager!
    Ebook114 pages1 hour

    How to be the Loving, Wise Parent You Want To Be...Even With Your Teenager!

    By Darryl Sollerh

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    About this ebook

    "Sage advice for frustrated parents." - Kirkus Reviews. Through their years of working with teens and their parents, Leslie King, LCSW, and Darryl Sollerh have developed a deeply compassionate yet practical approach that takes into consideration both the parent and their teen's point of view. Filled with examples, they examine the most likely flashpoints for family conflicts, from teenager social lives to their homework habits and grades, from their moodiness and misrepresentations to their demands for fairness, from their calls for independence to their need for dependence. King and Sollerh's approach, at heart, seeks to spark an empathetic awakening in both parent and teen, not only as they each meet the initially difficult phases of any challenge or crisis, but also as they move into the future, guided by a new awareness capable of supporting their ongoing efforts to grow in a relationship of shared dialogs, mutual respect and deepening understanding. Or as King and Sollerh envision it: the dance.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDarryl Sollerh
    Release dateApr 25, 2012
    ISBN9781476300481
    How to be the Loving, Wise Parent You Want To Be...Even With Your Teenager!
    Author

    Darryl Sollerh

    Raised in Los Angeles, Darryl Sollerh grew up with a deep appreciation for its diverse communities and cultures. He has taught Literature, and is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post. His most recent works include "SHaDOW GAME", a FIRST PLACE WINNER in the Readers' Views Literary Awards as well as a First Horizon Award Finalist (Hoffer Awards), a CHOICE Award Winner, Rebecca Reads, and a Readers' Favorite Book Award Finalist. His "COWBOY AND INDIAN" received the SILVER MEDAL from Readers' Favorite Awards and his "ALIBIS OF THE HEART" is a Finalist in the Readers' Favorite Book Awards. His other critically praised novellas, including "TRANCER", "MINDFALL" and "EDDY FALLS", have been awarded FIVE STARS recommendations from Readers' Favorite Reviews and a "Recommended" rating from The US Review of Books. He currently lives in southern California with his wife and son. For more, visit wwwDarrylSollerh.com

    Read more from Darryl Sollerh

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      Book preview

      How to be the Loving, Wise Parent You Want To Be...Even With Your Teenager! - Darryl Sollerh

      How To Be The Loving, Wise Parent You Want To Be…

      Even With Your Teenager!

      A Compassionate, Practical Guide

      For Moms and Dads

      by

      Leslie King, LCSW, and Darryl Sollerh

      _

      Smashwords Edition

      Copyright 2010 Leslie King and Darryl Sollerh

      All Rights Reserved

      License Notes: This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this ebook with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      -

      With heartfelt gratitude and appreciation, we would like to thank all the children and parents who have shared their lives, struggles, triumphs, vulnerabilities and questions with us.

      You have been our teachers.

      We dedicate this guide to families of all sizes, shapes and kinds,

      and to

      Tyler, Gregory, Alexander, Nuriat and Imran

      with our love

      -

      In memory of Twaha Masaaba Mukoone

      TABLE OF CONTENTS

      FOREWORD

      1. CHANGES: FRIENDS, BODIES, SCHOOLS

      2. POPULARITY?

      3. PRIVACY ISSUES

      4. HOMEWORK HELL AND GRADES

      5. GOING OUT WITH FRIENDS, SOCIALIZING AND DATING

      6. LYING, ANYONE?

      7. PUNISHMENT?

      8. ANGER MANAGEMENT

      9. PARENTING TOGETHER, APART OR ALONE

      10. RISKY BEHAVIORS: EXPERIMENTATION AND OTHER CONCERNS

      11. TEEN SAFETY IN A TECH WORLD

      12. BULLYING

      13. VACATIONS AND TIME OFF

      14. SAYING SO LONG TO YOUR SENIOR

      15. THOUGHTS ON YOUR JOURNEY AHEAD

      16. ABOUT US

      17. PARENTAL RESOURCES

      FOREWORD

      Parenting is not about perfection. Rather, it is about giving your children your best you, and taking the lead in this dance in a way that will teach them how to lead their own dance openly, honestly, compassionately and responsibly.

      When challenges or crises arrive, as they inevitably will, your first and best strategy is always to stop, take a step back, take a deep breath, and do whatever it takes to give yourself time enough to think.

      You don't need to have the answer at that very moment. Give yourself the time and space to think calmly and clearly so that you can act accordingly, and not react to the feelings of urgency ignited by the moment.

      Your response doesn't need to be perfect or ideal, so much as it needs to come from your grown-up's position of heartfelt responsibility and thoughtful authority. Remember: How you respond can be more far more important than what you say.

      So first, seek to truly understand the reasons for your teenager's behavior before moving to prescribe consequences. Above all, and as tempting as it might be, do not turn a challenge into a crisis, or a crisis into a catastrophe.

      To give our best, we can’t be off-balance, in anger, or reacting to something that may well stem from our own, unresolved life experiences.

      In all ways, our approach keeps the long-term in mind, so we focus only on those strategies and insights that nourish growth and communication –- even when the immediate, sometimes stress-filled concerns of High School may be difficult and confusing for both parent and teen alike.

      In essence, all the suggestions, advice and strategies you find in this guide are based on what we have found best serves your relationship with your son or daughter over time in an atmosphere of learning, compassion, practicality, patience and communication.

      And heaven knows having a sense of humor about it all can be a huge help, because learning to dance isn’t always easy. Is it?

      Also, when we refer in this Guide to teenagers generally, we know well that ninth and tenth graders are significantly different from eleventh and twelfth graders. The developmental changes during these years, from their cognitive reasoning skills to their rapidly evolving emotional lives, can be breathtaking -- especially for their parents -- who may spend much of their time just trying to keep up.

      Not only do the last two years of high school lead to a driver’s license, to say nothing of college preparations, they may also include a first, serious love in a teen’s life – which is a far different experience from a ninth grader just making his or her way into high school.

      So when we speak of teenagers generally, please apply it appropriately to the age and stage of your own teen’s life.

      Because while we cannot address the particulars of a family’s specific situation or concerns within this guide, or anticipate the near-infinite possibilities and challenges these remarkable years can pose, our aim is rather to elucidate and celebrate how a compassionate yet practical approach best serves and supports the ultimate aim of every loving parent – to guide their teenager in ways that best help him or her to mature into a wise, responsible and compassionate human being.

      And so despite all the challenges, anxieties, uncertainties and worries these years can potentially bring to bear, they can also be among the most rewarding, loving and wonderful moments of life, offering you and your teenager a unique time of discovery and joy.

      It is with that understanding, and in that spirit, that we offer this Guide.

      CHANGES: FRIENDS, BODIES, SCHOOLS

      Change can be a real challenge at any age.

      But the changes your teenager may have to deal with during these years can be profound, frustrating and confusion.

      In other words, a lot to deal with.

      And in trying to understand themselves during this time of rapid change in their lives, they often push against their parents, creating strife and conflicts in the home where none were before.

      So it’s essential for mom and dad to remember that, even in the smoothest of transitions from Middle school to High School, life as your teen once knew it is shifting and changing quickly.

      Indeed, it can feel like an avalanche of change is descending down on them, including possible changes in their friendships and social lives, changes in their bodies, changes in their awareness of themselves and others, changes in their grade level or the school they attend – all forcing each to cope in the best they can.

      Not easy.

      Add to which, it is also a time of self-discovery, when they will try new things in an attempt to identify and define themselves, both to themselves and others, even as their peers may be forming opinions about them. And the potential seismic shifts in their relational life – as old friendships fade, alter or end -- can create even more confusion in their lives -- which may also describe how their parents may be feeling at this point.

      It’s not that your teen’s old friendships won’t rebound later, but how is your son or daughter to know if they will?

      Likewise, how is a parent to know how to best help their teenager during these years of change when what their teenager is going through can so dramatically affect their family in unexpected ways. For just one example:

      *

      A teenager, having trouble adjusting to a new school, began to socially withdraw. As he became ever more reclusive and uncomfortable around others, his parents found their own lives changing, too. Their formerly active social lives became less active, and they found themselves ever more uncomfortable with inviting others over to their home. Soon, they found themselves increasingly isolated as a family, and far less spontaneous. Only when they started to address their teen’s difficulties were they able to begin to restore their own relationships with friends and family.

      *

      The lesson? Whatever may be affecting your teenager’s life, or whatever they may be going through, can and

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