North With Doc: Volume Four
By Greg Knowles
()
About this ebook
Doc and the boys from Iowa are heading North for their annual fishing trip to Canada. After dozens of fly-in adventures in Northwest Ontario, and countless walleyes and northern pike boated, their unlikely escapades are as much about friendship as fishing. Doc supplies a bait bucket of laughs while offering his sage advice to help the guys deal with life's inevitable obstacles. If you've ever spent time with a rod and a reel, you'll recognize yourself and your friends in these refreshed versions of the popular In-Fisherman magazine feature that first appeared in 1989. Perfect for enjoying in the living room, the bedroom or the throne room, here are episodes 76 through 100 as Doc and his best buddies are having the times of their lives.
Greg Knowles
Greg Knowles was born on a ping pong table in the basement of his parents' unfinished home near Knoxville, Iowa. He began his education in a one-room schoolhouse at four, and was writing stories by the age of seven. After a year at the University of Iowa, he was all set to take a shot at the Iowa Writer's Workshop when he lost his 2A draft status due to low grades and general indifference, and spent the next four years in the US Navy. Knowles eventually earned a BS in Journalism with advertising emphasis from Iowa State University. Three decades of ad agency work followed, during which he was a copywriter, broadcast producer and creative director. He has written his North With Doc humor column for In-Fisherman magazine for more than 20 years, and has many projects underway, including a soon-to-be-released thriller novel with his brother, Mel. Knowles lives in Tucson, Arizona, with his wife, Sandy Tweedy, and a cute yet cantankerous rat monkey of a pom/silky terrier aptly named Jezebel.
Read more from Greg Knowles
North With Doc Granada Gamble Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Related to North With Doc
Titles in the series (5)
North With Doc: Volume One Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNorth With Doc: Volume Two Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNorth With Doc: Volume Three Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNorth With Doc: Volume Four Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNorth With Doc: Volume Five Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Related ebooks
North With Doc: Volume Five Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNorth With Doc: Volume Three Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDrago #1 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFirst Degree Rage: The True Story of 'The Assassin,' An Obsession, and Murder Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsGone to Dust: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Vacationland Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Double, Double Oil & Trouble Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSnakes Alive...and Catfish, Too or "You're Not Stupid, Honey....Really." Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Wind Knot Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5A Cowboy's Christmas Chance Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDeserved, Contorted Relics Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFor Sale by Killer: Cindy York Mysteries, #3 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSurvival Instinct Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsVampires and Shapeshifters Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsJust Add Water Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Chardonnay Charade: A Wine Country Mystery Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Home Country Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Indelible Silverstreek Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSomeone Should Pay for Your Pain: A Novel Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Anarchy: Episode 2: Toeing the Line Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNorth With Doc: Volume One Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsAction: A Cold Poker Gang Collection: Cold Poker Gang Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsGoing North Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDreams of the Dead Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Dan Carter Cub Scout Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Unicorn Man: The Beemer Enigma, #0 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsTHE CUBE - Speak N.O.w. or Forever Hold Your Peace Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Z-Codes Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsPeck's Compendium of Fun: Comprising the Choicest Gems of Wit, Humor, Sarcasm and Pathos of America's Favorite Humorist Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsA Day Waits For No One Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Humor & Satire For You
Mindful As F*ck: 100 Simple Exercises to Let That Sh*t Go! Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Best Joke Book (Period): Hundreds of the Funniest, Silliest, Most Ridiculous Jokes Ever Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5101 Fun Personality Quizzes: Who Are You . . . Really?! Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Sex Hacks: Over 100 Tricks, Shortcuts, and Secrets to Set Your Sex Life on Fire Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The 2,320 Funniest Quotes: The Most Hilarious Quips and One-Liners from allgreatquotes.com Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Everything Is F*cked: A Book About Hope Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Best F*cking Activity Book Ever: Irreverent (and Slightly Vulgar) Activities for Adults Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/51,001 Facts that Will Scare the S#*t Out of You: The Ultimate Bathroom Reader Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Questions for Deep Thinkers: 200+ of the Most Challenging Questions You (Probably) Never Thought to Ask Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Everything I Know About Love: A Memoir Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Nothing to See Here: A Read with Jenna Pick Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Solutions and Other Problems Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Anxious People: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Love and Other Words Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Tidy the F*ck Up: The American Art of Organizing Your Sh*t Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don't Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Killing the Guys Who Killed the Guy Who Killed Lincoln: A Nutty Story About Edwin Booth and Boston Corbett Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I Will Judge You by Your Bookshelf Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: the heartfelt, funny memoir by a New York Times bestselling therapist Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Screwtape Letters Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Shipped Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Soulmate Equation Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5And Every Morning the Way Home Gets Longer and Longer: A Novella Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5In a Holidaze Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5My Favorite Half-Night Stand Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Man Called Ove: A Novel Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Josh and Hazel's Guide to Not Dating Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Related categories
Reviews for North With Doc
0 ratings0 reviews
Book preview
North With Doc - Greg Knowles
North With Doc — Volume Four
By Greg Knowles
Published by Greg Knowles at Smashwords
Copyright 2012 Greg Knowles
Cover illustration by Peter Kohlsaat
Discover other titles by Greg Knowles at Smashwords.com.
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
DEDICATED TO
ALL THE MEN AND WOMEN
WHO ENJOY FISHING
NORTHWEST ONTARIO
(AND ANYWHERE ELSE)
AND LEAVING IT
JUST THE WAY
THEY FOUND IT.
Preface
Time flies when you're having fun. This fourth volume of North With Doc episodes begins at the end of 2001 and stretches into 2005. I had been writing the stories for In-Fisherman magazine for twelve years, and the characters were fairly well defined. In fact, I thought they couldn't do much to surprise me that they already hadn't tried. But I was wrong.
For example, in spite of repeated admonitions from Sioux Lookout fly-in guru, Knobby Clark, they still took way too much stuff into the Bush. And most of it had nothing at all to do with fishing. Let's face it: twenty-six pounds of girlie magazines in three big bags takes up valuable float plane space. So do thirty decks of Bicycle playing cards, fifteen cases of Labatt's finest, a Honda generator to charge batteries for a sleep apnea device and enough tools to change the main engines on the Space Shuttle ... just in case.
With careers and raising kids at full tilt, and with me moving from Iowa to Arizona, our annual fishing trip to Canada was often the only time during the year when lifelong buds were all together at one time. Luckily for me, the fifty-one week lapse in outpost fishing camaraderie resulted in aggressive spells of poor judgment and excessive consumption, so it didn't take long for me to get more material for my Bush chronicles.
One other thing that begins to figure in the narrative is the characters are realizing they are no longer in their twenties and thirties, and are not quite as physically able to handle the full-tilt fishing and partying they had once enjoyed.
The boys may be slowing down a bit, but there is still that fire in their bellies. A double dose of Kaopectate is just what the Doc ordered.
Tight Lines & Better Times
Greg Knowles
Table of Contents
Episode 76 – Doc Pulls Off A Snow Job.
Episode 77 – The Fish, Inc. Annual Meeting
Episode 78 – Setting The Drag On Growing Old
Episode 79 – The Bush Dialogues
Episode 80 – Where No Man Has Gone Before
Episode 81 – Hair, There And Everywhere
Episode 82 – Doc Spreads The Joy.
Episode 83 – Salty Doc
Episode 84 – Night Moves
Episode 85 – Hurry Up And Fish.
Episode 86 – Photo Finish
Episode 87 – Doc Moves The Troops.
Episode 88 –Doc Gets Fried.
Episode 89 –Doc Keeps On Ticking.
Episode 90 –Doc Thinks Like A Fish.
Episode 91 –Gack. Snert. Whee-oo.
Episode 92 –What Goes Around
Episode 93 –On The Skids To Middle Age.
Episode 94 –Doc Pedals Some Holiday Spirit.
Episode 95 –Doc Is Politically Incorrect
Episode 96 –Gentlemen, Start Your Engines.
Episode 97 –Doc Gets Even.
Episode 98 –Like A Virgin
Episode 99 –Scratch And Sniff
Episode 100 –Disco Doc
Episode 76
Doc Pulls Off A Snow Job.
Despite six months of hoping and praying to the contrary, Doc's in-laws were coming for the holidays. They would be flying in from their retirement home in Florida. If it snowed—their absolute least favorite meteorological occurrence—they would refuse to leave the house for the duration of their stay.
Mom and Dad just emailed me their itinerary,
Mrs. Doc said. They'll be here in two days, so you better get busy cleaning.
As she was on her way out the door to drive to Des Moines for a day of shopping, Doc's wife added that it would be best if they came up with something to do with her folks besides talk about the weather, which is hands down the number one topic of conversation all year round in Iowa, but is extra compelling during the winter months when there are no crops in the ground.
That's why Doc was in his basement, moving his cobwebbed Nordic Track from in front of the dart board, and a tackle box the size of a steamer trunk off the pool table. The exercise machine rolled away easy enough, but the tackle box was a different story. Neither of the catches were fastened when he grabbed the handle so, naturally, the contents dumped on the floor.
Doc's home was vintage 1960s, and was as solid as Aunt Lucy's liver. But while he'd redecorated the upstairs to mirror a Better Homes and Gardens photo spread, the basement was best described as hippie retro.
When Doc surveyed the mess he'd made, he considered running an ad in the Adel shopper (WANTED: arsonist to help move furniture and valuables outside, torch home), and start over with the insurance money. The problem was the rust-colored shag carpet. It was a shade lighter in 1973 before the bottom fell out of the water heater.
Doc leaned over and picked up the body of a stickbait that sported three sets of treble hooks. The lure was anchored so well in the shag loops, it would take tin snips to free it. Wish I could hook a fish that good,
Doc mumbled under his breath.
In Canada that previous June, up at one of Knobby Clark's fly-in outposts, Doc had talked the boys and me into flattening the barbs on our hooks. That immediately resulted in far fewer injured fish because, at first, we caught far fewer fish to injure.
They sure do seem to spit the hook easier,
I complained.
That's because you've been so lazy in the past,
Doc said, counting on all those barbs to hold your catch while you took your sweet time pulling them in.
Need some practice keeping the line tight,
the policeman agreed.
Blarrrrrp,
the plant manager belched his sentiments.
I like the way northerns come off the hook,
the attorney said. Don't even need pliers most times.
Another advantage,
the banker added, showing off his thumb wrapped in a fresh Band-Aid, is they come out of me without major surgery.
Doc surveyed the dozens of Rapalas, Dardevles, Big Doctors, Little Cleos, Rat-L-Traps, Krocodiles, Hot Rods, and leadhead jigs imbedded in his carpet, and decided there was only one thing to do. He slipped into boots and a jacket, opened the garage door and drove his new John Deere garden tractor with the enclosed cab and hydraulic blade accessories into the street.
Meanwhile, out in Arizona, I was lounging on the patio in shorts and a T-shirt, sighting in a scope on my Benjamin pellet rifle, preparing for the spring ground squirrel population explosion. While I was inside grabbing a fresh bubbly, I decided I needed to tell someone about the terrific Tucson sunshine, so I called Doc. There was no answer on his home phone, so I dialed his cell, which I swear he even carries into the shower. He answered on the fourth ring. Doc here!
What's all the noise?
I asked.
I'm on my mean green snow machine.
Another blizzard?
No,
he said, it hasn't snowed in over a week.
Just riding around the neighborhood, getting a tan?
Haven't seen the sun since October,
Doc said. Colder than a politician's heart.
I could hear scraping sounds. So what are you doing for the holidays?
Might have company,
Doc said. Might not.
Been fishing?
Have a through-the-ice trip planned to Mille Lacs in January,
he said. How about you?
Driving down to the Sea of Cortez to wet a line this weekend,
I said. Should be perfect, as always.
The engine on Doc's tractor was really laboring. Just wanted to say you're welcome to visit this winter,
I offered. You won't need long pants, but sunglasses are required.
I'll mention it to the boss,
Doc said. Then, I don't mean to cut you off, but I have to get some work done before Janis gets back from shopping.
No problem,
I said.
Later,
Doc said, and we signed off.
An hour earlier, there had been not a flake of snow covering Doc's driveway or lawn. But he'd found a huge pile on the parking lot at the nearby school, and another at the end of the street. With expert maneuvering, he'd managed to push several tons against his garage door and bushes, and up onto the front steps. He took a break only long enough to call a Kiwanis friend who had a backhoe with an end loader, and they encased the house in a manmade snowdrift of impressive proportions.
Doc climbed down from his rig, ran around to the back door and retrieved his digital camera. He took several shots, careful not to include the bare roof of the house. He especially liked the one where the flag raised on the mailbox barely showed above the snow.
He put the camera back in the house, and he and his backhoe buddy returned all that snow to where the City of Adel had shoved it after the last storm. Doc thanked his helper, and promised to pay him a liquid salary down at the Rendezvous some night.
Then he put the Deere