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    Thought of Suicide? Welcome to the Club!
    Thought of Suicide? Welcome to the Club!
    Thought of Suicide? Welcome to the Club!
    Ebook113 pages1 hour

    Thought of Suicide? Welcome to the Club!

    By Dylan Stevens

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    About this ebook

    This book discusses the the issues, thoughts and feelings of suicide from a person who is currently considering suicide. Major topics include failed: career, marriage, and dreams. Another dimension is the struggle over the author's sexuality.

    A significant portion of the book is given to the author's public blog posts and twitter feed. Commentary on the blog posts shed light on the original intent of the post, which was not necessarily made public to the readers. The author also includes weeks of tweets, under a separate handle, that catalog his depression and thoughts of suicide during the day.

    The book is not meant to be therapuetic or of a 'self-help' nature. The primary purpose was to leave a written legacy attempting to explore all the issues and situations that led the author to determine suicide was a viable alternative to living. A central theme in the book is that normal people that are not mentally ill can have serious thoughts of suicide and still function at a high level in society.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDylan Stevens
    Release dateDec 24, 2011
    ISBN9781465701411
    Thought of Suicide? Welcome to the Club!
    Author

    Dylan Stevens

    Attempting to make a living selling health and life insurance. Living in northern California with wife and son. Bright spots in life are hiking, reading, and watching my son grow into a brilliant person.

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      Book preview

      Thought of Suicide? Welcome to the Club! - Dylan Stevens

      Thought of Suicide? Welcome to the Club!

      By Dylan Stevens

      Copyright 2011 Dylan Stevens

      Smashwords Edition

      Smashwords Edition, License Notes

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

      Contents

      Preface

      My Conclusion

      Where are we now?

      Family Impact

      Okay, we are serious, but why?

      Career, is that what you call it?

      Marriage

      Failure to Follow the Calling and Heart

      Human Sexuality

      Support Network

      Money

      Counter Arguments

      Where are You?

      Blogging History

      It’s all about Me!

      Hate infects the soul

      Firing a Friend

      Massage for the Brain

      Hope

      Individual Mandate Solution

      Don’t Leave the House

      Where’s the follow up?

      Social Media Extortion

      To Cut or Not to Cut

      Are You A Foot Washer?

      Confession of Depression

      Linked In and Suicide Prevention

      Gender Health Center

      The Allure of Monastic Life

      My Summer as a Bully

      Rainbow Chamber

      Blind Faith: Marketing Failures

      Family Diversity

      Life is a Jar Full of Balloons

      Seeing Through Solids

      Twitter: Clearestory

      Preface

      This book was written for everyone who has contemplated suicide and didn’t think they were mentally ill. There was no editor for this book. All errors, grammatical or otherwise, rest on my shoulders. How do you submit your justification for suicide to someone for editing and get an objective response? This is not a self-help book and I don't offer any insightful tips for handling depression or suicidal thoughts. At its core, it is a document about what led me to become suicidal and the thoughts in my brain. You may or may not identify with it. You may or may not know someone who is exhibiting or expressing similar symptoms. I felt compelled to write this book because it is virtually impossible to convey my history of failure combined with my current situation to anyone.

      We can exhibit classic symptoms of depression (lack of focus, poor sleeping, lack of interest in life, lethargic, loss of appetite, etc.) and still function at a fairly high level making decisions, sales calls, or being creative. Like me, you may have talked to a therapist or counselor only to find that it really did not help with the thoughts. You may have taken anti-depressants, which I have avoided, only to find that while you feel better, it has not changed the root cause of the depression and suicidal thoughts.

      I am not a doctor, therapist or counselor. All I can do is regurgitate all of my thoughts and feelings of hopelessness and lack of joy in my situations that caused incessant thoughts of suicide as the answer. For better or worse, I have been blessed with a clear mind and intelligence. With luck I can articulate where my feelings of hopelessness came from. I am serious about suicide. I think about it night and day and have actually made plans and moved forward with certain aspects of the plan. On this point, no one can ever dispute my sincerity.

      This book may be just a waypoint on the final destination route or it might be the pivot point in life that interrupts my current plans and switches it back to normalcy. There are no answers in this book. My main objective was to write down my thoughts and feelings because other people could not relate to my perspective. Most people think you are sick and mentally ill if you contemplate suicide. I disagree.

      If you are contemplating suicide because you are grieving over the loss of a friend, partner, spouse or child, seek counseling. I know that sounds odd. Grief can be profound, and while similar to my situation with depression, you can work through it.

      I am writing this book under a pseudonym. The names of people and companies have been changed for the most part. It is not my goal or aim to hurt anyone by their present or past association with me. It has been written from the heart, with an eye for accuracy, with little embellishment. To publicly acknowledge thoughts of suicide, for all except celebrities, is a death sentence for your career. At this point, I don't really care. If you really want to find out my true identity, you should not have too much problem. However, please be respectful.

      My Conclusion

      Even normal people, when they feel trapped, caged, or locked-in, with few viable alternatives in their lives, determine suicide is an option to escape the despair and depression of their situation. Life is never easy. It is all about keeping equilibrium between the difficult parts and the joy.

      One of the lynch pins is the term ‘viable alternatives’. 'Viable' is definitely open to debate and varies from person to person. We have all read the stories where someone in slavery or bondage turns to suicide as the only escape. I am convinced that many of us become enslaved or trapped in situations where suicide is the only alternative. You may dispute the conclusion of suicide but you can’t refute the path and events in my life or your life that have led to suicidal thoughts.

      Most people can't fathom suicide. Why we let those thoughts into our brain I am not sure. Maybe we do have an organic brain dysfunction. Either way, I conclude that normal intelligent people, through a series of live events and situations can rationally contemplate suicide and not be mentally ill. We are just desperate to change or break free from the despair or the feelings of being trapped.

      Where are we now?

      As I write this, suicide weighs heavy on my mind as it might be for you as well. But I still think I have a clear mind that can make rational decisions, such as writing this book. Let me emphasize that I am not an impulsive person, but someone who appreciates a well-documented plan. A messy desk is the sign of a cluttered mind. I try to keep my desk and mind relatively clean and tidy.

      Not only do I not like to be faced with confusion today, I do not want to propagate it tomorrow. Consequently, I have a plan for my end of life scenario. The first order of business is to get all the family paperwork in order. It is important to insure that the survivors don’t have to hunt for important papers (life insurance, mortgage, vehicle registration, tax returns, etc.). All the documents must be easily found with clear directions on how to proceed to remove the deceased name, me, from titles and beneficiary.

      Second, I will not a leave a physical mess for someone else to clean up. It is just rude to off yourself in your home. I don’t care how much you may hate your spouse or partner. Mine shall be at the ocean. I figure that if I am crummy shot with the pistol, the water will finish the job. I have even considered leaving a small cash stipend for the municipal agency that has to collect my remains. After all, their time is worth something too.

      Finally, I will choose a location that is not close to home or at least out of the way. There is no need to create disturbing memories for the survivors. There is

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