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    The Language of Choice Theory
    The Language of Choice Theory
    The Language of Choice Theory
    Ebook33 pages27 minutes

    The Language of Choice Theory

    By William Glasser, M.D. and Carleen Glasser

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    About this ebook

    In this companion volume to the bestselling Choice Theory, Dr. William Glasser and his wife, Carleen Glasser, have imagined typical conversations in real-life situations--between parent and child, two partners in a relationship, teacher and student, and boss and employee. On the left-hand page is a typical controlling order or threat, and on the right a more reasonable version, using choice theory, which is more likely to get a favorable response from the child, lover, student, or employee. Through these examples, the principles of choice theory come alive.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarperCollins
    Release dateNov 16, 2010
    ISBN9780062032539
    The Language of Choice Theory
    Author

    William Glasser, M.D.

    William Glasser, M.D., is a world-renowned psychiatrist who lectures widely. His numerous books have sold 1.7 million copies, and he has trained thousands of counselors in his Choice Theory and Reality Therapy approaches. He is also the president of the William Glasser Institute in Los Angeles.

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      Book preview

      The Language of Choice Theory - William Glasser, M.D.

      INTRODUCTION

      The external control psychology that we use when we have difficulty getting along with others is destructive to the relationships all of us need. In my 1998 book, Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom, I offer a new psychology that is the diametric opposite of external control. The more it is used, the more it improves our relationships

      In that book I propose that we give up external control psychology completely and replace it with choice theory to enable us to do something we have failed to do since history began: significantly improve the way we get along with one another. Doing this would result in better marriages, happier families, more successful schools, and increased quality and productivity in the workplace.

      Since the best way to understand theory is through its practice, this book examines the bossy or controlling language we use when we can't get along with one another. Specifically, we use the language associated with criticizing, blaming, complaining, threatening, punishing, and/or rewarding to try to get what we want. This external control language always harms and often destroys the relationships we must have for happiness and success. External control is a plague on all humanity.

      Choice theory is exactly the opposite. Its language, never bossy or controlling, is always an attempt to work out the differences between people in a way that satisfies both parties. For example, open, fair, and noncoercive negotiation is always the choice of people who use this new theory. They will listen, support, sustain, tolerate, and be patient with one another.

      The difference between the two languages is startling. External control speech is peppered with the imperative tense, with should, must, and have to, plus threats of punishment if you don’t do what you’re told and promises of reward if you do. Choice theory language helps us to work out problems with one another; external control language increases them.

      In the following pages this new way of expressing ourselves will be clearly seen in four situations. In

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