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    Xenophobe's Guide to the Estonians
    Xenophobe's Guide to the Estonians
    Xenophobe's Guide to the Estonians
    Ebook94 pages1 hour

    Xenophobe's Guide to the Estonians

    By Hilary Bird, Lembit Opik and Ulvi Mustmaa

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    About this ebook

    A guide to understanding the Estonians which dispels or confirms preconceived prejudices with humor and insight.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherOval Books
    Release dateMay 7, 2010
    ISBN9781908120335
    Xenophobe's Guide to the Estonians

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    • 4/5
      I was a bit disappointed because from what I had read of it, I thought this book would be really funny. And it was funny, but not as much as I had hoped it would be. We're not talking Bill Bryson level humor here. But it does give a great introduction to life in modern Estonia. Although the book was less than 100 pages long, I learned a lot from it. I may check out other Xenophobes' Guides.

    Book preview

    Xenophobe's Guide to the Estonians - Hilary Bird

    Copyright

    Nationalism & Identity

    The population of Estonia is 1.3 million, compared with 2.2 million Latvians, 3.5 million Lithuanians, 82 million Germans, 140 million Russians and 307 million Americans.

    Estonia is slightly bigger than Denmark and has a coastline fragmented with 1,521 islands. Legend has it that a giant who lived on the second largest island wanted to link it to the largest one to visit his family and friends, so he threw stones into the sea to create a causeway. It was never finished.

    Forewarned

    Although Estonia is a young nation, the Estonians are not a young people. Heaped on the bedrock of prehistoric origins are layers and layers of cultures and traditions either adapted or lifted lock, stock and barrel from the many invaders who have ruled the Estonian roost for the better part of the last millennium. This melange congealed at some time during the Soviet era into a romanticised ideal of what Estonians were like when Estonians were really Estonian – hardworking, honest and severe, living a simple life on the land and squabbling with their neighbours as depicted in the great Estonian novel Truth and Justice, an everyday story of hardship, gritty perseverance, and swamp drainage.

    Although Estonia is a young nation, the Estonians are not a young people.

    Although the Estonian tribes have lived on their own lands for 10,000 years, 700 of these nameless years were spent in slavery. There was no history of Estonia before 1918 because there was no Estonian nation.

    National Pride

    Estonian national pride is demonstrated in national symbols – the national flag (each house has a bracket for the blue, black and white tricolour that is trotted out on high days and holidays), the national coat of arms (three lions passant), the national bird (the barn swallow), the national stone (limestone), the national drink (beer), the national food (pork, potatoes and cabbage), and so on.

    Estonians see themselves as tough, stern, self-sufficient northern people – the last of the Vikings.

    All these things, according to the Estonians, are ‘pure’ Estonian. Never mind that France, Italy, Russia and Germany have tricolours, never mind that the coat of arms strongly resembles that of Denmark, never mind that the national bird nests all over Europe, that the national flower – the cornflower – is scattered in cornfields throughout Europe, that their national drink is quaffed all over the world, or that the common spud was embraced everywhere in the mid 19th century. The important thing is that these items are now firmly entrenched in the modern Estonian psyche as exclusively and uniquely Estonian. Do not try and argue. It’s an utter waste of time; you simply will not be believed.

    How they see themselves

    Estonians see themselves as tough, stern, self-sufficient northern people – the last of the Vikings. It is even posited that the word ‘Viking’ comes from the Estonian ‘vee king’ meaning ‘water shoe’ and referring to the shoe-shaped hulls of their wooden boats. The Swedes, the Norwegians and the Danes may play down their violent past but the Estonians remember with pride a raid in 1187 when they burned down Sigtuna, what was then the capital of Sweden.

    Real Estonians are tough. The men eat meat, drink strong beer and down glasses of vodka in one gulp. They use a dry lavatory at the end of a frozen, slippery path in the dead of winter and don’t even think about soft toilet paper.

    In their heart of hearts the Estonians know they are odd and don’t quite fit the standard Euro-model – or any other.

    Estonians look affectionately on their fictitious national hero – a naive, laddish figure called the ‘Son of Kalev’. He appears regularly in the media clad in his linen tunic and brimless Estonian cap, his beer paunch hanging over a belt covered in ancient symbols, grinning cheerfully and waving his blood sausage (national food) as he strides towards the Eiffel Tower, the Colosseum, Big Ben and the Brandenburg Gate to take Estonia’s place amongst the family of European nations. But, in their heart of hearts the Estonians know they are odd and don’t quite fit the standard Euro-model – or any other, for that matter.

    Estonian individuality was demonstrated admirably at an International Architecture Biennial in Venice. Amongst the outpourings of serious contemporary offerings, the Estonian pavilion proudly fielded a display of dry toilets – outhouses – that ranged from a glass cubicle (thankfully opaque) lit by candles standing in a field of snow, to a rustic Pegasus which one entered beneath a raised twig tail.

    ’Tis a small thing but mine own

    Small is beautiful to an Estonian and ‘Everything is local’ is a slogan guaranteed to sell anything. Estonians would read the telephone directory with the rapt attention commanded by a great thriller if it was the directory of their own home town.

    Estonians would read the telephone directory… if it was the directory of their own home town.

    The Estonians are determined that whatever has been salvaged from their turbulent past that is 100% Estonian (and there’s not a lot) will be preserved. Hence their insistence that would-be citizens speak a modicum of Estonian. It is when Estonians speak and, more especially, sing, that they connect with their ancient birthright.

    Folk culture constantly reminds them that ‘my little home is tiny but is big enough for the missus, the kids, the pig, dog, cat and me’. The British may sing about ruling the waves, the Americans about amber waves of grain, but Estonian national songs laud the local pond, the cherry tree in the yard and their very own boulder in the Baltic Sea.

    How they see others

    For centuries the Estonians loathed the Germans, the first people to intrude on their freedom and disenfranchise them in their own lands. The sins of the Germans, however, paled into insignificance in the 20th century when Estonia was annexed into the USSR. The Soviet Russians did what had been impossible for 700 years. They made the Estonians love the Germans.

    "There are 140 million Russian citizens living next door making a scary ratio of 1:140 in

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