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    The Wilderness of Divorce: Finding Your Way
    The Wilderness of Divorce: Finding Your Way
    The Wilderness of Divorce: Finding Your Way
    Ebook102 pages1 hour

    The Wilderness of Divorce: Finding Your Way

    By Alan D. Wolfelt

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    About this ebook

    Addressing a significant loss in life, this guidebook enables those who have experienced a divorce to mourn sufficiently and begin to heal. Delving into the 10 essential touchstones of the healing process, this resource encourages the exploration of feelings of loss, identifying the specific needs of divorce transition, and understanding the divorced person's bill of rights. Compassionate and accessible, this outline will allow those in need to navigate through what can be overwhelming grief to a new beginning.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherCompanion Press
    Release dateJan 1, 2009
    ISBN9781617220098
    The Wilderness of Divorce: Finding Your Way

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      Book preview

      The Wilderness of Divorce - Alan D. Wolfelt

      WOLFELT

      Introduction and Welcome

      Very few relationships in our human experience are more significant than the relationship we call marriage. For this reason, few life experiences are more difficult than the ending of what was once an intimate relationship.

      Divorce brings a multitude of emotions and responsibilities that may seem overwhelming. A new home may need to be created. Your finances may be difficult and stressful to manage. If you have children, they will naturally have difficult questions. You may feel alone or emptied out. You may feel as if you are not only losing your marriage but also yourself. You may struggle with knowing who you are and wonder how you will survive this major life change. You may question what your future holds.

      Because of the overwhelming changes that divorce brings, moving forward will take time and hard work. It will require that you are patient with yourself as you explore your old life and slowly work to create a new life. While this is naturally draining and challenging, the good news is that it is possible, and, you are not alone. Millions of people have experienced divorce and survived, and so will you!

      The ten touchstones

      In this book I describe ten Touchstones that are essential physical, emotional, cognitive, social, and spiritual actions for you to take if your hope is to integrate your divorce and find renewed meaning and purpose in your life.

      Think of the grief from your divorce as a wilderness—a vast, mountainous, inhospitable forest. You are in the midst of unfamiliar and often brutal surroundings. You are cold and tired. Yet, you must journey through this wilderness. To find your way out, you must become acquainted with its terrain and learn to follow the sometimes hard-to-find trail markers that lead to healing, restoration, and eventually, transcendence.

      In the wilderness of your divorce grief, the Touchstones are your trail markers. They are the signs that you are on the right path.

      TOUCHSTONE ONE

      Open to the Presence of Your Loss

      A wound that goes unacknowledged and unwept is a wound that cannot heal.

      John Eldredge

      You are going through or have experienced a divorce.

      In your heart, you have come to know deep pain. From my own divorce experience as well as those of people I have companioned over the years, I have learned that we cannot go around the pain that is the wilderness of our grief surrounding lost love. Instead, we must journey all through it, sometimes shuffling along the less strenuous side paths, sometimes plowing directly into the dark center.

      In many ways, and as strange as it may seem, this book is intended to help you honor the pain that comes with your divorce. You have probably been taught that pain means something is wrong and that you should find ways to alleviate the pain. In our culture, pain and feelings of loss are experiences most people try to avoid.

      But you will probably learn over time that the pain of your divorce grief will keep trying to get your attention until you have the courage to gently, and in small doses, open to its presence. The alternative—denying or suppressing your pain—is in fact more painful.

      Staying open to the ripple effects of divorce

      During and after a divorce, there is often a huge ripple effect of additional loss that spreads out in many directions.

      Loss of dreams and goals. Many aspects of hopes and dreams you had together as a couple are now changed and different.

      Loss of self-esteem. When you experience divorce loss, it is natural that your self-esteem is impacted. You may not feel as attractive and desirable as you once did.

      Loss of identity, belonging and lifestyle. You were part of a couple and a family. Divorce can leave you feeling uncertain of your identity and leave you questioning where you belong in the world around you.

      Loss of personality.

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