A Memoir: Looking for the Good Life and Other Stories of Survival

Author

Chapter One

Our Mother and Father

As you read about my life, my family, and the crossings of my family of ancestors coming from the United Kingdom landing either in Massachusetts or Virginia, you will wonder just how these people met along the way from the southern states to the area around Lamar County. Some of these people met during various wars, others through marriages and some for which I just do not have the answer. Perhaps as the internet resources improve with easier to do site searches, more can be found giving answers to my family questions still remaining.

As I continue to account our family history, you will see their stories of survival continue. Is this what life is all about? Surviving circumstances beyond your control? I am not sure where my Mom and Dad met, but it may have been through my Grandfather, Gus Henry Hutchison. From all accounts, my Dad attended Henderson-Brown College in Arkadelphia, Arkansas, and played baseball. Then, at his father’s insistence, he attended medical school to become a doctor just like his father, Dr. Charles R. Huckabay. I was unable to find any record of attendance in any family documents or replies back from any colleges or universities. But, from a picture of my grandfather’s office, a certificate was on the wall. With our modern technology, I had the certificate blown up and the image revealed the degree from Southwestern College of Medicine in Dallas. This college later became Baylor University.

From looking at the genealogy family names of Huckabay, I can only assume my Dad was named after his father’s brother (Oscar) along with his mother’s maiden name (Ross) for Rosser. According to my brother Sid, while my Dad was at college, Dad complained that he could not tolerate cutting up cadavers, so he ran away. It was far away-to the oil fields in Venezuela for five years with Standard Oil in 1922. Upon returning, Gus (my mother’s father) and Oscar (my Dad) boozed together a lot. Oscar was told by Gus to stay away from his daughter, Mary Thomas, who was attending Paris Junior College. Gus also told his daughter, stay away from him or I will shoot him. So, Oscar and Mary ran away to get married across the line into Oklahoma. Their marriage record had a note stating not to be published. After marriage they settled in Valliant, Oklahoma, July 4, 1928. Valliant is not far from Lamar County and is just over the line from Texas into Oklahoma: due north, then east from Paris. My Mom always called my Dad Huck. He was referred to as Huck Huckabay by his friends. From Sid’s recollections, both our Mom and Dad were teachers but he did not know how, when or where exactly. Then, Oscar bought three newspaper offices: Idabel, Ft. Towsen and Valliant in Oklahoma and one in Arkansas. Dr. Huckabay also opened his medical offices in Idabel, Oklahoma, which was only a few miles down the road.

Along came Olivia Dale, Sidney Thomas and Charlene, all delivered at home by Dr. Huckabay. Times were hard. The depression left people without money or opportunity. For payment my grandfather received worlds of canned foods including 100 cans of sorghum syrup. My Dad told me, He had 1000 shares of Nehi stock and threw it away as it was worth nothing. Nehi was bought by Coca Cola. My Dad was a very smart man. Sid tells the story, He could look at a crossword puzzle and work it as he was looking at it. Another story about him as the editor of his newspapers, He could write his stories and editorials on the linotype, cutting down the time of typing and then setting. In other words, he could work with his hands, think and do in his head, all at once. He must have been a cognitive genius. What did he do besides work? As a young man, he and his Dad went fishing and hunting in the Kiamichi Mountains. When I was in high school, he had a garden out back of the garage and seemed very pleased with his watermelons, tomatoes and cantaloupes.

We moved when I was three years old to Oklahoma City. The early days in Oklahoma City were very hard on all of the Huckabays due to the depression. My Dad held numerous jobs, going from one to the other. He was often missing for years at a time due to his drinking habit. I seem to remember his disappearance when I was in Kindergarten and reappearing again when I was twelve. He sold Superior School buses and worked for the Office of Price Administration (OPA): regulating automobile tire use. Prior to that, he was in public office with various opportunities provided by his best friend, Congressman Paul Stewart. I believe at one time my Dad was a state representative. I do recall the print shop and learned how to operate the presses and all the things that go with that occupation. Then, the next big event was Sid’s graduation from Central High School. Then, he was off to join the Navy during the Korean War in 1948.

My Mom continued to work at the Internal Revenue Service as a bookkeeper. My younger brother, Paul Stewart, learned early on how to work at the printing office, operating presses, collating, making plates and assembling. I did not have a knack for making plates, but I was good at putting things together in order, i.e. collating, assembling and the hand held numbering machine (I can vouch for the use of my right hand proficiency in strength and precision).

By then, only Paul Stewart remained at home as Olivia, Sid and I were settling into separate lives in different directions. Olivia was touring with a dance troupe and I was in nurse training. After Sid finished his five or six years in the Navy, he returned home. My Dad’s business was picking up due first to the addition of a contract with an ink company in Holland and then the opening up a wholesale supply business. This required Sid and Paul to move to Tulsa, opening an office there. Business was good and Sid moved to Wichita, Kansas, and opened an office, Paul Stewart remained in Tulsa. My Mom retired and worked at the office and everything was going great for them. Mom and Dad bought a new home in prestigious Forest Park, and life was good for them, at least for a while.

A very vivid memory comes to mind when life was good for my parents; My Mom on the riding lawn mower and my Dad lying down on the couch watching the soaps. My Dad called Mom into the house to change the channel. Why was this request? Dad’s health was so bad from smoking, drinking, stomach ulcer and emphysema, that he had to rest and could only walk inside a room before he had to sit down before he could go further.

My Dad’s attitude that he was never wrong, or I may not be right, but I am never wrong, was his undoing business wise. After doing well in his primary businesses, he tried the oil commodity industry and then a purchase of a bankrupt cafeteria. He lost his money either due to bad business decisions or senility. During this time of family strife, my Mom and Dad had many health problems and as I kept in touch by telephone and letters, I knew they were not happy with the change of events in their business world. My Dad passed away in 1974 and my Mom lived another twenty years without him. I asked the question of my Mom before she died, Why did she not divorce Dad when he kept leaving home due to his alcoholism for years at a time? She had no answer. I asked Sid the same question. She just kept taking him back. He caused her so much suffering. He was so smart. I firmly believe, she made her bed when she ran away to get married against the wishes of her family.

Thoughts lead on to purposes; purposes go forth in action; actions form habits; habits

Decide character; and character fixes our destiny.

.. Author: Tryon Edwards,

Writer, Author

L to R, Mary, Oscar Huckabay 1949

Charlene 1949

Chapter Two

My Earliest Memories

From stories told by my mother, Mary, I was about the age of three when we moved from Valliant, Oklahoma (SE Okla.) which was very near the Red River, Arkansas and Texas. I do remember some of the places we lived, some good, some not so good. Both of our parents, Mary and Oscar (Huck) came from well to do families in Texas, and you will read more about that later as that is a much longer story. They had four children, Olivia Dale, Sidney Thomas, Charlene, (me) and Paul Stewart. What is important for you to know is what it was like growing up during the Great Depression and then World War II.

Olivia Dale was named after my father’s mother, Olivia, with the middle name for Lilly Dale, my mother’s mother. Sidney was named after my father’s stepmother, Sidney Elizabeth and Thomas, my mother’s middle name. In the early days of the wagons westward, girls were given male names. My mother’s real name was Thomas Rutherford, but when grown, she changed it to Mary Thomas, but her friends called her Tommie. I was named Charlene after Dr. Charles Huckabay, my father’s father. When grown, I had my name changed to Charlene Huckabay. Paul Stewart was named after Senator Paul Stewart from Antlers, Oklahoma, who was a close family friend.

Paul Stewart was five years younger than I. How did these children turn out during the depression, the war, and a father who disappeared many times due to heavy drinking? Mary, our mother got a job with the state government and then the federal government as a bookkeeper. Mary held the four of us together through very difficult times.

In some family books you may see passages about religion and how God changed people’s lives. You will not read about religion as this book is about real people in the real world, fighting for survival. The struggles of this family are not unique for the time. What is unique is how they rose in the business world by making contributions to society rather than taking away from their communities on government welfare programs. I remember only a few times of a happy family, my Dad as a state employee auditing jails, Mom and Dad playing bridge in the evenings with friends or family vacations in the mountains of southeast Oklahoma at Senator Stewart’s ranch. I was too young to remember much about my early life in Valliant, but I do remember a fish pond, with fish in it, which I fell into when I was three. Of course, a spanking followed.

Not long after, we moved to Oklahoma City. I seem to remember all the spankings that were delivered to my bottom. Lass, our servant, was brought from Texas to our home in Oklahoma. She took care of us and kept house while our parents were working. According to Olivia, Lass helped raise my Dad when he was a little boy. My Mom converted the garage into a home for our servant. Lass made the best pancakes and sugar syrup with butter. I remember a goat in the yard, but I do not know why it was there. More importantly, I remember my grandfather, Dr. Huckabay, visiting us in Oklahoma City. He passed away when I must have been about five. Lass soon passed away too, from complications of surgery.

I remember walking to school alone in elementary grades. Things changed after that. We moved many streets down toward downtown Oklahoma City. I do not remember my father after that move until much later. We did not have a car anymore. Sometimes we only had Hydrogen Peroxide or even Arm and Hammer Soda, for our toothpaste/cleaning. My mother rode the bus or walked to work. It was a treat to go out to eat once in a while. Then the war came. We moved again, closer to the middle school, Webster Jr. High and Lincoln, the elementary school. We could eat lunch for ten cents. The school ground at Lincoln was the neighborhood playground. We played croquet on the lawn as none of us had a yard big enough. Sid and I hit golf balls between the two baseball fields. Also on the grass, we played football. Softball was not played there, only baseball. I was not the only girl that played the games, I was just the best, so I was usually included when the games started or the teams picked. Webster Jr. High had one tennis court situated next to a very large part of the brick building. I would usually hit on the brick wall solo until one of the two Craven brothers would show up to play. During the winter, we had a sled that was used to go down the hills into the Webster hollow. Now that was fun. That is, until I ran into a tree with big roots and tore my snow suit pants. Wow! My Mom was mad at me.

One day my Mom received a call from Denver, Colorado, saying, Your husband’s car is here but he is nowhere to be found. Can you send someone to pick it up? That is how we acquired a family car in 1940. This car allowed us in the summers to drive to Texas and visit our grandparents.

Olivia was getting really good at dance routines. She wore out the wood floor tap dancing in our bedroom. I can see her now in my mind. Our bedroom furniture consisted of a large bed and a dresser with a tall mirror. Olivia would move the seat and dance in front of the mirror. Due to the floor damage from her tapping, we were constantly changing our bedroom furniture to cover up the damage to the floors.

Sid was working every morning and every evening at the corner grocery store. His bedroom was an enclosed porch. Paul’s bed was in the dining room. I used to get up early and help Sid with his paper route too. He paid me ten cents a week. Usually after school, my Mom called me, and I did the grocery shopping and got supper started. We all had our jobs. I also had a Victory Garden off the raised side porch. We collected newspapers and scrap metal for the war effort, pulling our bevy along in our play wagon and sold it for spending money. Olivia was teaching dancing. My other job was to take care of Paul Stewart which lasted until I went into nurse training.

The year I was twelve, my Dad reappeared. He was still drinking, smoking or gambling most of the time. He had his addictions for sure. Many years later, my Mom told me when he came back, If he did not quit drinking, he was going to kill himself. Sid worked all the time that he was not in school. Olivia was now dancing in a chorus line, sometimes for the USO. She was gone a lot, seldom at home. I started working at the corner drug store in 1944 as a soda jerk. My pay for sixty hours a week was $10.00. I can account for my strong right arm and shoulder in tennis, bowling or golf from those many scoops with scrapings of hard ice cream for the cones.

One of the hated chores was doing the dishes after supper. We usually played checkers to see who would do them alone. I preferred to do them with Olivia, and we would sing all the latest tunes while Olivia washed the dishes while I dried. Remember I got spurs that jingle jangle jingle?

Oh, what memories! Paul was a mess and was very spoiled as the baby in the family. As he was growing up, very good looking, he parted his hair like Elvis Presley and did his best to dress like him too. I remember, while we were doing the dishes, Paul was singing (his version of Elvis), and he would not stop, so I went into the pantry, got a cup of flour and told him to shut up. He did not, so I threw the flour in his mouth, and he just about choked to death.

We were a very competitive group. We played football, baseball, croquet and horseshoes then rode bikes, all except Olivia. Olivia only cared about dancing. When I was twelve, my Dad took all my jeans and burned them. He said I could wear dresses only, and then gave me a second hand tennis racket (a Courtland President with frayed strings and a broken balance bar) and said, Go play girls’ sports. I did. I taught myself to play on our garage door and driveway. Little did anyone know then or predict that I would win 27 national and 7 international tennis titles as a self-taught player.

I tried to stay out of my Dad’s way as he was quick to slap or hit with his belt. We were required to get up at 7 a.m. even on Saturday or Sunday. His usual practice of getting us up in the morning was at 6 a.m. He turned on the radio at a high volume, tuned in a Country and Western show whose morning routine was singing, Get up and feed your chickens or Pa will raise the dickens. We got to make them crow before we’re done. I do not remember the rest of the routine, but I believe this is how, where and why we all developed a strong work ethic, just by getting up and getting going for the day.

This work ethic is explained as written by my Aunt Marie who was married to my Uncle Charles Hembree Huckabay for at least 20 years in her history notes about the Huckabay family:

Excerpt:

They were always willing to go just so far in a discussion of a personal nature before the Huckabay privacy edict took over. They will protect their own privacy. Yours to! They will not put their trash off on other people. I have never seen individuals, who work so hard, hands on, doing anything they feel has to be done. One of the many Huckabay traits I have so admired the most has been their ability to win even in defeat. Charming, easy to be with, always a little aloof (I think due in part to some exceptionally high I.Q.’s). I never knew of them having to see each other to catch up on your news for lunch, trips or any mixed social event.

A big change in the family occurred. My Dad quit drinking and started on his change of path with Alcoholics Anonymous. He started his printing business again with George Hales. With success, my Dad eventually bought George out of his share. The war was over, and we were all in high school except for Paul. I usually walked to my Dad’s office and worked after school or went home and looked after Paul. Sometimes, I had high school tennis practice. Olivia was an acrobatic tumbler and twirler with the band. My Mom would leave her work at the Federal Building in downtown Oklahoma City (the same one later bombed) and walk down to my Dad’s office. Frequently we worked until 9:00 pm or so. I am not sure where Sid worked then, but we were very busy people, always working.

The family changed again. Olivia left to follow her dream of a career in dancing. Sid left by joining the Navy for the Korean War. I was left to look after Paul Stewart, with Mom and Dad either working or playing poker at the AA Club.

Following is another excerpt from my Aunt Marie’s notes:

While they certainly know how to work as a group, they sure are not brain dead when left on their own. This was so apparent in Oscar and Mary Thomas’s children as they grew up often on their own for meals and entertainment. Oscar and Mary became very involved with Alcoholics Anonymous for so many years which left the children to their own devices. They each excelled in sports, playing cards or just having the ability to enjoy themselves. I always felt they had no doubt about what to best do with their life. They seemed to know how to have a great time, laugh easily, work hard and play vigorously. Whining was not their style. It simply did not fit with what I call a royal flush.

With my dream of going to college to be in medicine or in physical education, I took only pre-med in high school. I did not have a college scholarship but insisted I was going to go somewhere in Oklahoma. My Dad said if he had to pay, then I would take what he told me to take. So I enrolled in the School of Journalism at Oklahoma City University. I did well. I like to write, but that was not what I had in mind. Covering the school assemblies and other religious activities were my assignments, but they were not exciting enough for me. I wanted to go into nurse training. After family discussion, my Dad said he would not pay for it. I told Mom and Dad that I was going anyway. I was going to work my way through. My Mom gave me the three hundred dollars to enter (for uniforms and books), and I was on my way. I lived in the dorm and found my place in the world. As I look back on my past to explain why I was so happy then, my thoughts at the time were, no one really knows who I am or my background except for two friends from my former high school, who subsequently flunked out shortly after I started. When I was off training for a day, I sometimes went to the office and worked. Paul Stewart worked at the office too. I did not see much of my family except at the office. There were no forty hour work weeks in nurse training. The nuns worked hard and expected us to work 70-80 hours