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Lila Tesa
Between atypical wiring, a history of trauma and the maze of mental illness, I've spent a great deal of my life in various semi-progressive layers of awareness that my experience of the world aroun...view moreBetween atypical wiring, a history of trauma and the maze of mental illness, I've spent a great deal of my life in various semi-progressive layers of awareness that my experience of the world around me is not always the same as that of others. My ways of processing, of perceiving, of experiencing, they often seem to diverge from the norm, at least to the degree that a norm can be thought of as something that exists. But how to ever be sure of the details of this? We can never fully know how other people are internally experiencing their lives, so thorough comparisons (or contrasts) are generally difficult to formulate. It's a compelling subject to me though, because we so often find ourselves having to interact with other people, and I often find myself desperately wondering, "What's going on in there? How is it different when it's different from mine?" I don't know that I'll ever have answers that are fully satisfying to me. I don't know that I'm capable of truly understanding and embracing whatever the neurotypical reality looks like. What I've found that I can do, though, is to deeply explore my own internal terrain, and this turns out to be a favorite activity for me. For years I've been able to do this only in conversation and letters - when I've tried to generate fiction, my mind would slam shut on me. But this past year I finally found a way through. The characters in Strands of Shadow are fully fictional, as are all the events. The way of processing thoughts and experiences, though, are all my own: same brain, different medium.view less