Shame: Free Yourself, Find Joy, and Build True Self-Esteem
Written by Joseph Burgo, Ph.D.
Narrated by David de Vries
4.5/5
()
About this audiobook
An intimate look at the full spectrum of shame―often masked by addiction, promiscuity, perfectionism, self-loathing, or narcissism―that offers a new, positive route forward
Encounters with embarrassment, guilt, self-consciousness, remorse, etc. are an unavoidable part of everyday life, and they sometimes have lessons to teach us―about our goals and values, about the person we expect ourselves to be. In contrast to the prevailing cultural view of shame as a uniformly toxic influence, Shame is a book that approaches the subject of shame as an entire family of emotions which share a “painful awareness of self.”
Challenging widely-accepted views within the self-esteem movement, Shame argues that self-esteem does NOT thrive in the soil of non-stop praise and encouragement, but rather depends upon setting and meeting goals, living up to the expectations we hold for ourselves, and finally sharing our joy in achievement with the people who matter most to us. Along the way, listening to and learning from our encounters with shame will go further than affirmations and positive self-talk in helping us to build authentic self-esteem.
Richly illustrated with clinical stories from the author’s 35 years in private practice, Shame also describes the myriad ways that unacknowledged shame often hides behind a broad spectrum of mental disorders including social anxiety, narcissism, addiction, and masochism.
Joseph Burgo, Ph.D.
JOSEPH BURGO, PH.D. has been practicing psychotherapy for more than 35 years. His articles and commentary have appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, The Washington Post, and other major publications. He also writes a blog on the topic of shame for Psychology Today and covers personal development issues from a psychodynamic perspective on his personal website, After Psychotherapy. He is the author of Why Do I Do That? and mostly recently, The Narcissist You Know.
Related to Shame
Related audiobooks
Taming Your Outer Child: Overcoming Self-Sabotage and Healing from Abandonment Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Escaping Emotional Abuse: Healing from the Shame You Don't Deserve Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHow to Be Single and Happy: Science-Based Strategies for Keeping Your Sanity While Looking for a Soul Mate Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Emotional Sensitivity and Intensity: How to Manage Intense Emotions as a Highly Sensitive Person Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Highly Sensitive Person Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: The Definitive Work on Self-Esteem by the Leading Pioneer in the Field Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness out of Blame Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Stop Overreacting: Effective Strategies for Calming Your Emotions Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting and Enjoying the Self Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Out of the Fog: Moving From Confusion to Clarity After Narcissistic Abuse Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Thriving with Social Anxiety: Daily Strategies for Overcoming Anxiety and Building Self-Confidence Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Wisdom of Anxiety: How Worry and Intrusive Thoughts Are Gifts to Help You Heal Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Gaslighting: A Step-by-Step Recovery Guide to Heal from Emotional Abuse and Build Healthy Relationships Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Making Your Crazy Work for You: From Trauma and Isolation to Self-Acceptance and Love Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsFeeling Loved: The Science of Nurturing Meaningful Connections and Building Lasting Happiness Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Power of Attachment: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology, and How You Can Heal Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Sabotage: How to Get Out of Your Own Way Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Emotionally Sensitive Person: Finding Peace When Your Emotions Overwhelm You Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Attachment Theory: A Guide to Strengthening the Relationships in Your Life Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Own It.: Make Your Anxiety Work for You Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5
Psychology For You
Man's Search for Ultimate Meaning Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Art of Seduction: An Indispensible Primer on the Ultimate Form of Power Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The 48 Laws of Power Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Sociopath: A Memoir Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Magic Words Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Divergent Mind: Thriving in a World That Wasn’t Designed For You Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Win Friends and Influence People: Updated For the Next Generation of Leaders Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Banish Your Inner Critic: Silence the Voice of Self-Doubt to Unleash Your Creativity and Do Your Best Work Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How To Win Friends And Influence People Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5It Starts with Self-Compassion: A Practical Road Map Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5You’re Not the Only One F*cking Up: Breaking the Endless Cycle of Dating Mistakes Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spritual Growth Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Memory Craft: Improve Your Memory with the Most Powerful Methods in History Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Why Buddhism is True: The Science and Philosophy of Meditation and Enlightenment Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Beyond Small Talk: How to Have More Dynamic, Charismatic and Persuasive Conversations Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5
Reviews for Shame
9 ratings2 reviews
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5My existence consists of a formidable perfect-storm combination of adverse childhood experience trauma, autism spectrum disorder and high sensitivity, the ACE trauma in large part being due to my ASD and high sensitivity.
Thus, it would be very helpful to people like me to have books written about such or similar conditions involving a coexistence of ACE trauma and/or ASD and/or high sensitivity, the latter which seems to have a couple characteristics similar to ASD traits.
While Dr. Joseph Burgo's 'Shame' is definitely informative and useful to me in other ways, it nevertheless fails to mention any of the three abovementioned cerebral conditions, let alone the potential obstacles they may or likely will pose to readers like me benefiting from the book’s information/instruction.
'The Autistic Brain', for example, fails to even once mention the real potential for additional challenges created by a reader’s ASD coexisting with thus exacerbated by high sensitivity and/or ACE trauma.
I also read a book on adverse childhood experience trauma, titled 'Childhood Disrupted', that totally fails to even once mention high sensitivity and/or autism spectrum disorder. That was followed by 'The Highly Sensitive Man', with no mention whatsoever of autism spectrum disorder or adverse childhood experience trauma.
I therefore don't know whether my additional, coexisting conditions will render the information and/or assigned exercises from such not-cheap books useless, or close to it, in my efforts to live much less miserably.
While many or most people in my shoes would work with the books nonetheless, I cannot; I simply need to know if I'm wasting my time and, most importantly, mental efforts.
It’s no secret that ACE abuse thus trauma is often inflicted upon ASD and/or highly sensitive children and teens by their normal or ‘neurotypical’ peers — thus resulting in immense and even debilitating self-hatred and shame — so why not at least acknowledge it in some meaningful, constructive way? ...
Also worth mentioning is that the author [Dr. Burgo] frequently emphasizes how it’s the unexpected and therefor uncontrollable experiences of shame that leave the most trauma.
Interestingly, the author of 'Childhood Disrupted' writes that it’s the unpredictability of a stressor, and not its intensity, that does the most adverse-childhood-experience damage.
When the stressor “is completely predictable, even if it is more traumatic — such as giving a [laboratory] rat a regularly scheduled foot shock accompanied by a sharp, loud sound — the stress does not create these exact same [negative] brain changes” (pg.42).
I’m still left wondering whether there's some connection there.1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Very enjoyable reading;
This book really hits the nail on what I've been going through.