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    I Am Not Myself These Days: A Memoir
    I Am Not Myself These Days: A Memoir
    I Am Not Myself These Days: A Memoir
    Audiobook6 hours

    I Am Not Myself These Days: A Memoir

    Written by Josh Kilmer-Purcell

    Narrated by Johnny Heller

    3.5/5

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    About this audiobook

    I Am Not Myself These Days follows a glittering journey through Manhattan's dark underbelly-a shocking and surreal world where alter egos reign and subsist (barely) on dark wit and chemicals...a tragic romantic comedy where one begins by rooting for the survival of the relationship and ends by hoping someone simply survives. Kilmer-Purcell is a terrifically gifted new literary voice who straddles the divide between absurdity and normalcy, and stitches them together with surprising humor and lonely poignancy. As Booklist raved, I Am Not Myself These Days is "as tart and funny as a NoEl Coward play, for Kilmer-Purcell is especially good at dialogue, and, as in Coward's best plays, under the comedy lies the sad truth that even at our best, we are all weak, fallible fools. Again and again in this rich, adventure-filled book, Kilmer-Purcell illustrates the truth of Blake's proverb, 'The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.'"
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherTantor Media, Inc
    Release dateJun 30, 2011
    ISBN9781452673127
    Author

    Josh Kilmer-Purcell

    BRENT RIDGE and JOSH KILMER-PURCELL are the founders of Beekman 1802, the lifestyle company centered around their farm in Sharon Springs, NY, and focused on seasonal living. They were the stars for two seasons of The Fabulous Beekman Boys (Planet Green, Cooking Channel) and have been featured on The Martha Stewart Show,Rachael Ray, Dr. Oz, NPR, ABC World News with David Muir, theNew York Times, theWall Street Journal, Vogue, and Vanity Fair, among others. Together they are the authors of three previous cookooks (The Beekman 1802 Heirloom Cookbook, The Beekman 1802 Heirloom Dessert Cookbook, and The Beekman 1802 Heirloom Vegetable Cookbook) and publish Beekman 1802 Almanac, a quarterly magazine. Their Beekman 1802 products are featured in stores such as Target; Bed, Bath and Beyond; and Bloomingdales.

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    Reviews for I Am Not Myself These Days

    3.5/5

    203 ratings18 reviews

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    • 5/5
      For me this was a really fast read, about 4 hours, but really fun and interesting. Extremely well excecuted, really funny, very creative. I would highly recommend it.
    • 3/5
      Well-written and depressing as hell.
    • 4/5
      Josh is an art director at a large ad agency by day and Aquadisiac - Aqua for short - at night. Aqua is a 7' drag queen/beauty contestant whose most noticeable feature, besides her height in heels and wigs, are her clear plastic boobs with a goldfish swimming in each one.

      Jack is a male escort for high paying clients. Working under the name Aiden, he is on call 23/7 and has a clientele of characters that are willing to pay for his services.

      The two become a pair and this is Josh's memoir of their time together in New York. Both want to be a 'normal' couple but are pulled by their respective careers and addictions. Josh's is the spotlight and vodka. Jack's is the money and crack. Told in a more humourous perspective than depressive, there are many laughs to enjoy along the way.

      Definitely an 'adult' read, none the less a good read.
    • 4/5
      Definitely a glimpse into a New York that doesn't exist any more, I loved the voice, I wanted to reach into the pages and grab the narrator and stop him from taking another drink, from making another mistake. I am going to read all of his books now.
    • 2/5
      I know, I know: drag queens are supposed to be sooo funny and witty. And who could resist the adventures of a day time worker and a night time overachiever in drag who falls in lover with a twisted hooker? Well, I obviously can. Josh Kilmer-Purcell just moved to New York and spends his nights in the clubs of New York being Miss Aqua and drinking far too much vodka, and he sobers up during his day time job in the advertorial industry while he bickers around with his fag hag Linda. During one of those drunken nights he meets Jack, who takes him home and meets him again the next day. But Jack isn’t a doctor with a pager, he’s a state-of-the-art male hooker who excels in SM. Josh moves in with Jack and they start of having a relationship. While there are a lot of funny moments when drag queens, hookers and clients meet, the main issue of the book remains the too many vodka’s of Josh and Josh’s abuse of other substances like crack. So either one of them is always intoxicated. And instead of good dialogues there are a lot of monologues of Josh but hardly any insights concerning Jack. He remains to be the mysterious prostitute.It’s a shame that this book happens to be mainly a narration of mishaps and embarrassing moments instead of the development of a relationship that probably will end unhappily. Kilmer has his moments and shows great insight in the human nature, whether this nature is hidden in drag of in jeans, but he fails the reader in convincing me that his characters are more than just stereotypes. So, no recommendations for this book. And it won’t get a special place in my bookshelf.
    • 4/5
      It was a hard read for me (unfortunately, I picked it up right before my own relationship ended, so I had to leave it unfinished for about six weeks after since I couldn't bring myself to read about the ends of other people's romances as well), but very, very good. Kilmer-Purcell is a fantastic, engaging author, and though the larger-than-life stories he weaves are perhaps entirely too dramatized to be perfectly honest, the book is a hearbreaking, fabulous read.
    • 5/5
      Brief Description: Kilmer-Purcell’s first memoir (before the The Bucolic Plague) chronicles his days as a drag queen named Aqua and his doomed love affair with a crack addicted male escort who specializes in S&M. The relationship between Josh and his boyfriend Jack is the heart of the book, and it shines brightly before exploding into a supernova of pain, addiction and loss.My Thoughts: Kilmer-Purcell seems to have lived enough lives to fill many memoirs. Although it was hard to reconcile the Josh in this book (alcoholic ad man by day and drag queen by night) with the bumbling but persevering gentleman farmer of his second memoir, his wickedly sense of humor and self-depreciation was instantly familiar. Frankly, I’m impressed that Josh survived the days chronicled in this book long enough to transform himself into one of the Beekman Boys. Although this memoir is often really funny and fascinating in a “let’s see how the other more flamboyant half” lives sort of way, it is also filled self-destructive behavior that I found both compelling and horrifying. (I must warn you that this book isn’t for everyone. If graphic descriptions of gay sex, S&M, or drug use offends your sensibilities, steer clear!) Although Jack and Josh don’t live anything near a conventional lifestyle, their love affair feels doomed in a tragic Romeo and Juliet sort of way. And just because the heart being broken belongs to a 6-foot drag queen who keeps live goldfish in his corset doesn’t make this story any less affecting, emotional or touching.
    • 3/5
      This memoir revealed so many personal details that many writers might not have wanted to publicly admit, but I appreciated his honesty. I think Josh is remarkably brave and honest not to mention a terrifically talented author.
    • 3/5
      I wish I could be a drag queen and let the freak that I know is inside me out sometimes, unfortunately, I am already female, so I guess it would be a little redundant. I enjoyed this book and rooted for Josh the whole way through. I have never been that wild and lived vicariously through him for most of this book. His drinking, his love for Jack, and his staying way too long in a relationship that was just no good is so common to everyman...we all have problems.Ultimately, this is his story of a love that was doomed from the start. Josh, a gorgeous, alcoholic, self-destructive drag queen and Jack, a crack addicted prostitute get together and begin down a long dark tunnel that could end so many ways. Watch the train wreck happen and love them both anyway.
    • 4/5
      I read this a few years ago only because it had a recommendation from James Frey! It's an excellent and unique book though and it broke my heart at the end! It's a book I think back about alot.
    • 4/5
      ** POTENTIAL SPOILERS **I Am Not Myself These Days is Josh Kilmer-Purcell's memoir about his days as one of New York City's most popular drag queens, and about his relationship with Jack, a BDSM male prostitute. Josh meets Jack at a club and is instantly drawn to his quiet self-possession. As someone who needs the spotlight, Josh constantly runs from party to club to party and back, looking for vodka and boys. However, Jack pierces Josh's drag queen armor and Josh slowly stops looking for the next one-night stand and looks to Jack for comfort. However, as this is happening, Jack is drawn into the world of crack users. As one can imagine, this decidedly off-kilter love story does not have a happy ending.I Am Not Myself These Days could have definitely gone the way of a bad Jerry Springer TV episode. However, Kilmer-Purcell is an excellent writer and manages to mix humor and pathos equally well. I just hope that he's not a one-trick pony - the story Kilmer-Purcell tells in this novel is so very over-the-top that it would seem to be difficult to follow it up.
    • 3/5
      This may say more about me than it says about the book - I'm tired of drunk, drug addled stories. When I was a kid drunks were pretty common as comedic devices on television - Otis, Mayberry's lovable town drunk for example. But we became enlightened and figured out that alcoholics actually have a disease and the havoc that alcohol causes is not funny. Then we had the tell-all books by Augusten Burroughs, James Frey, and now Kilmer-Purcell and I personally feel that it's time to stop with this trend! K-P is gifted as a writer, I really enjoyed his novel and frankly enjoyed his writing in this book but I just could not laugh after about the third time that he blacked out or threw up or put himself into incredibly dangerous situations. Like the old town drunk - it's just not funny anymore. I assume that we'll have the requisite "Dry" book so we'll find out how Josh came to be sober - I won't be reading it.
    • 3/5
      What an odd little book! The goldfish on the cover gives no indication to the content. I read it in fascination and disgust, inexplicably drawn to it like a spectator to a car crash.
    • 4/5
      Yes, this book is funny -- very funny, in fact. And yes, it is titillating, a peek into a world of drag queens and male escorts and a life that is seemingly alien to most potential readers. And yet, "I Am Not Myself These Days" turns out to be a universal love story, one in which even the most outrageous characters become familiar and real. Kilmer-Purcell doesn't shy away from the details of his life as an over-the-top drag queen in New York City, nor does he soften the story of his tumultuous relationship with his male escort lover or of that lover's drug abuse that ultimately tore them apart. He treats his subjects with a self-deprecating humor that lies over his vulnerability like a dusting of powdered sugar, avoiding both maudlin sentimentality and denial. In the narrative, the author dulls his pain and his fragility with alcohol, but he does so without any pretense of self control or toughness. When he meets and falls in love with Jack, he finds both redemption and destruction, and in the dizzying rise and then subsequent disintegration of their relationship, the author discovers unknown wells of strength and compassion. He does so without bitterness or judgment, ultimately telling a story of love found and never subsequently lost. Like John Irving at his best, Josh Kilmer-Purcell brings eccentric characters from an unfamiliar world and makes them not just sympathetic, but real and even familiar. He shows that hearts love and break for everyone, and in sharing his funny, sad and ultimately beautiful story, he allows our hearts to do the same. A very highly recommended read.
    • 3/5
      Definatly a fun, easy read. I want to be friends with this guy.
    • 3/5
      A fun, highly readable memoir of drag queen days and one particular doomed love affair. I would have liked to see more about Josh's life at the end- the transition from where the book actually ends to where he is now. I found the ending abrupt but overall enjoyed Kilmer-Purcell's colorful anecdotes and actually pretty moving love story.
    • 3/5
      Sweet, doomed love story among the ruins about an alcoholic drag queen and a drug addicted male escort. Written with self-deprecating humor, it's a quick and easy read. It came out during the James Frey brouhaha and the author swears by its 'truthiness.' I found it overall believable.
    • 3/5
      This book was a pleasant memoir about Josh, a drag queen who dates a substance abuser. Josh himself is an alcoholic, and the book examines the strange life of a drag queen. Overall, it was not the best book of the summer, but it kept me entertained and made me feel for the characters involved.