The Courageous Art of Supporting Someone in Grief (At Any Age)

A children’s book author shares some practical ways we can show up differently for grief — our own and that of others

—

As a culture, we’re not great at supporting the grieving, to say the least. We don’t know what to say. We don’t know what to do. We feel helpless, inadequate, ill-equipped. And as much as we say, I can’t imagine what you’re going through, I don’t think that’s true.

We can imagine it. And it terrifies us.

It’s our terror that makes us ask, “was she a smoker?” when we find out someone has died of lung cancer or “was he an addict?” when we hear of a suicide. If we can assign the teensiest trace of blame, we can soothe ourselves into thinking we’ll avoid a similar fate — for us or our loved ones.

It’s our terror that makes us say things to a grieving person that are really feel better.