MY ANSWER IS NO IF THATS OKAY WITH YOU (How women can say NO with confidence)

MUNIRAH MUHAMED PADZIL LAW REVISION AND REFORM DIVISION 15 JULY 2011
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One syllable. Two letters. A complete sentence. One of the shortest words in the English language, yet one of the most difficult for women to say.
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SOUNDS FAMILIAR?
Do you have trouble saying NO? Does NO sound like a mean or selfish word to you? Are there some people to whom you've never been able to say NO? Are you afraid you'll hurt the people you care about if you say NO to them?
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SOUNDS FAMILIAR?
Do you choke on your NOs because you fear abandonment? When friends ask you to do something you don't want to do, do you invent an elaborate excuse? Do you have a hard time saying NO to an invite even when you're completely exhausted? Are you worried about not being generous enough to causes or 4your community?

SOUNDS FAMILIAR?
Are you reluctant to confront men who harass you on the street, bus, or train? Do you have trouble questioning treatments that your doctors recommend you get? When you are caring for someone who is ill, do you get overwhelmed because you can't cut back on other responsibilities? Has a dying relative made an inappropriate request that you felt you could not refuse? If you answer YES to three or more of these questions about saying NO, then you may need this book to find out how to set healthy boundaries and still preserve the 5 relationships that matter to you.

Nanette Gartrell, MD
American psychiatrist, researcher, and writer Author of over 50 research reports on topics ranging from medical student depression to lesbian mothers and their children to sexual exploitation of patients by healthcare professionals Associate clinical professor of psychiatry at the Center of Excellence in Women's Health for the University of California, San Francisco, was previously a faculty member at Harvard Medical School Ground-breaking investigation into physician misconduct led to a clean-up of professional ethics codes and the criminalization of boundary violations Dr. Gartrell has a private practice, and she volunteers her psychiatric services to

ABOUT THE BOOK

Chapter One women's ways of NOing (introduction) Chapter Two there's NO place like home for the holidays (saying NO to parents) Chapter Three getting to NO you (saying NO to dates and mates) Chapter Four NOthing personal (saying NO to friends)
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ABOUT THE BOOK

Chapter Five opportunity...NOts (when saying NO at work doesn't work for you) Chapter Six no-nonsense NOs (saying NO at work) Chapter Seven saying NO when the president calls (saying NO in public service) Chapter Eight NOblesse oblige (saying NO in the community) 8

ABOUT THE BOOK

Chapter Nine NOt on your life! (saying NO to assault and harassment) Chapter Ten Doctor, NO (saying NO to your shrink or doctor) Chapter Eleven NOble intentions (saying NO as a caregiver) Chapter Twelve heavens NO! (saying NO to the dead and dying)
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Chapter 1. Women's Ways of NOing

Why? Our deeply rooted need for connection Desire to be helpful or charitable Too concerned about being liked, loved or respected Most women would never compassion for insensitivity
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Chapter 4. Saying NO to Friends

Step 1: Ask yourself what youre most afraid of losing. Step 2: Try putting yourself in your friends shoes. Can you cope when this friend says NO to you? Step 3: If your friend is psychologically healthy, find a good time to discuss your concerns. Step 4: If your friend is particularly thin11 skinned and unlikely to let go of a NO, try to

Chapter 7. Saying NO in Public Service

Step 1: If possible, find a mentor who can help you develop your ability to say NO. Step 2: If mentors arent available, dont be afraid to develop your own style of setting limits. Step 3: When asked for something, if its not a life-or-death situation, take time to hear people out. Step 4: Dont feel obligated to answer 12 immediately if the matter isnt urgent.

Chapter 7. Saying NO in Public Service

Step 5: After considering all the possibilities, state your NO clearly and directly. Explain the reasons for your NO. Step 6: If you are pressured, dont back down. Step 7: If you are saying NO for a superior, make sure that he or she will stand behind your NO.
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Chapter 7. Saying NO in Public Service

Saying NO to a superior if you dont agree with an order, policy or regulation: Step 1: Consider the pros and cons of making a stand. Step 2: If possible, consult with people you trust. Step 3: Document everything. Step 4: If you decide to confront your superior, practice your speech in advance. Step 5: After you have presented your case, listen carefully to your superiors response.
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Chapter 8. Saying NO in the Community

Step 1: Choose your causes before they choose you. Step 2: decision. Dont make a snap

Step 3: When you select an organization, be specific about how you plan to contribute. Step 4: No automatic renewals.
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Chapter 8. Saying NO in the Community

Step 5: Remember your priorities when asked for contributions. Step 6: Form a womens empowerment group to help you maintain a good balance between giving to yourself and giving to the community. Step 7: When you do say NO, remind yourself that your goal is to contribute in a way that makes16 you feel good about what youve done.

Chapters 11 & 12. Saying NO to People Who Are Ill, Dying or Dead
Step 1: Figure out what youre most afraid of losing. Step 2: If you werent worried about disappointing your ailing relative or friend, what decision would you make? Step 3: Be realistic. Step 4: Remind yourself that your goal in setting limits with your ailing friend or family member is to preserve your own physical or 17 mental health so that you can provide the best possible care.

Chapters 11 & 12. Saying NO to People Who Are Ill, Dying or Dead
Step 5: Ask yourself, is the request reasonable? Step 6: Ask yourself, is the request appropriate? Step 7: Ask yourself, is the request doable?
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IN A NUTSHELL HOW TO SAY NO

If you're nervous about saying no to someone, try rehearsing what you'll say ahead of time. Role-play with a friend. When considering someone's request for your time and you're unsure, don't say "yes" or "no" right away. Say that you will check your schedule and get back to the person asking within a few days -- then, do it. Don't leave them hanging because you don't want to decline. Word things gently, at least at first. It sounds much nicer to say "I really wish I could" instead of a blunt "no." If the person isn't getting it, you may have to be more forceful. Still, make sure the "no" message is clear. Try using the word "and" instead of "but," if possible. It sounds more positive. For instance: "I wish I could do that, and I'd like to take a rain check." (Only say that if 19 you mean it, though.)

IN A NUTSHELL HOW TO SAY NO

If someone is not respecting your "no," be assertive. Repeat what you've said, and stick to that statement. Say "I'm really sorry, but I can't do what you're asking" -- several times, if you need to. If several refusals haven't worked, at a certain point, just terminate the conversation. Say, "I'm sorry, but I have to hang up the phone now." In some situations, like those involving safety or sex, forget a polite and gentle "no." Be forceful and leave. Accept that you will have to say "no" to people regularly -- even, sometimes, the boss -- if you're asked to give more than you can.
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IN A NUTSHELL HOW TO SAY NO

You can tell the person why you're saying no, depending on how much information he or she is entitled to know. If you are turning down a request to speak at an event, or some other opportunity, suggest someone else who might be good and say that appreciate being asked. Know that the other person will be disappointed in a refusal, but that's inevitable. The more respectful you are, the easier it will be for others to take. If someone is being difficult, take a time out to regroup. If someone becomes nasty when turned down and won't take "no" for an answer, reconsider the relationship. It's not healthy.
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INTERESTED?
Book Details: Publisher: Free Press, January 2009 Description: Paperback, 272 pages ISBN: ISBN-10: 1416546952 ISBN-13: 9781416546955 Retail price: RM 56.90
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Thank you.

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