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Reading Nonverbal Signs Other than conventional verbal skills such as reading, writing, speaking and listening we need

to know nonverbal behaviour which is far more revealing. Selain daripada kebolehan verbal seperti membaca, menulis, berkata dan mendengar, kita perlu tahu kebolehan nonverbal kerana ia lebih memberi makna.

It can tell us for example, when our arguments are on target, whether the other parties find us believable, when things have gone sour or when weve arrive at a point of agreement sufficient to start closing the deal. Ia boleh memberitahu kita sama ada perbincangan kita menuju landasan yang betul, pihak lain yakin dengan kita atau bila perbincangan menemui jalan buntu dan kita telah hampir kepada persetujuan.

Nonverbal signs are define as any information which our senses perceive but which is not written or spoken. Therefore, everything we see, touch, smell and hear that is not structured as formal verbal input should be considered nonverbal information. Tanda nonverbal adalah perkara yang tidak ditulis atau diperkatakan. Oleh itu semua yang kita lihat, sentuh, bau dan dengar secara tidak distrukturkan secara formal dikatakan maklumat nonverbal.

1.1.2 Reading Facial Expressions i. Exasperation / Gusar


Wide eyes Tense jaw

The wide-eye expression and raised eyebrows convey irritation tingled with frustration. Often, exasperation is experienced when progress is slow. Kegusaran berlaku semasa proses yang perlahan. Mata yang bundar dan bulu kening diangkat.

ii. Boredom / Bosan


Steely gaze Head tiled

The tilted head, raised eyebrows, steely gaze and set mouth all convey boredom. Use a lack of interest to your advantage to move the proceedings forwards. Kepala disengetkan, bulu kening diangkatkan dan pergerakan mulut menunjukkan kebosanan.

iii. Disbelief / Tidak yakin @ percaya

The unconscious touching of the ear and evasive eye movements suggest that the listener is not convinced by what the other party is telling her. Memegang telinga dan menggerakkan mata menunjukkan pendengar tidak yakin dengan penerangan penutur.

Leaning back implies shows hostility Menyandar ke belakang menunjukkan permusuhan Crossed arms indicate disbelief Berpeluk tubuh menunjukkan ketidakpercayaan

Open expression shows interest in proceedings. Penumpuan menunjukkan berminat dengan perundingan. Posture suggests attentiveness. Perawakan semasa duduk menunjukkan kita menumpu perhatian.

Direct eye contact implies positive thoughts. Tumpuan mata menunjukkan pemikiran yang positif. Hand on chin shows thoughtfulness. Tangan di dagu menunjukkan keperihatinan.

Inattentive gaze means lack of concentration. Pandangan yang tidak berfokus, kurang memberi perhatian Fiddling with a pen confirms thoughts are elsewhere. Bermain-main dengan pen menunjukkan fikiran kita tidak berada di situ.

Wide eyes and warm expression indicate willingness to be persuaded. Penumpuan mata dan ekspresi muka menunjukkan kita bersedia untuk dipujuk. Open arms imply indecision. Tangan terbuka menyatakan secara tidak langsung kita bersedia untuk berunding.

How to react during negotiation.


Check your posture to ensure that stooping shoulders are not revealing your flagging spirits. Periksa kedudukan agar tidak menunjukkan yang anda tidak bersemangat untuk berunding. ii. Check your hands to be sure you are not wringing them in despair or fear. Periksa kedudukan tangan tidak menunjukkan anda sedang ketakutan atau risau. iii. Check that your arms and legs are not crossed in a display of closed-mindedness, defiance or hostility. Periksa lengan dan kaki tidak menunjukkan anda sedang bermusuhan.

i.

iv.

v.

vi.

Check the placement of your body on your seat does it suggest an attitude of attentiveness toward or rejection of the speaker? Periksa kedudukan anda atas kerusi, adakah ia melambangkan sikap anda untuk menerima atau sebaliknya. Check your face, the most telling part of your anatomy. Start with your eyebrows and eyes, then your lips, your mouth and jaw, to be sure that you are not a picture of fear, anxiety, scepticism, hostility, anger, superiority, disdain and so on. Periksa raut wajah, adakah mata, bibir, mulut dan dagu menunjukkan anda bukan dalam ketakutan, kegelisahan, marah dan sebagainya. Take a deep breath and let go of the negative emotions revealed to you by this body tour. A fairer, more open-looking you will emerge when the emotion changes. Ambil nafas yang dalam dan lepaskan segala emosi negatif yang ada dalam fikiran. Anda akan kelihatan lebih terbuka bila emosi kita bertukar.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

Do Open expression Direct eye contact Head on chin. Wide eyes and warm expression Open arms Nodding approval Sounds of approval, such as uh-huh Leaning forward Smiling

Dont 1. Wide eyes 2. Head tilted to side 3. Hand touch ear / nose / mouth 4. Leaning back 5. Crossed arms 6. Fiddling with a pen 7. Drumming the table 10. Chewing earpiece of glasses

Decode non-verbal behavior


Dominance/Power Feet on desk Hands behind head or hips Standing while others is seated Disagreement/ anger/ skeptisicm Finger pointing Crossing arms or legs Frowning

Decode non-verbal behavior


Boredom/ lack of interest Playing with objects on desk Staring blankly Looking at watch, door Dishonesty Touching nose while speaking Covering mouth Avoiding eye contact.

UNDERSTANDING META-TALK
Why meta-talk? To protect ourselves by being indirect. Untuk melindungi diri kita secara tidak langsung. o Allows us to avoid using seemingly innocuous phrases that may make other party feel suspicious. Mengelakkan kita dari menggunakan frasa-frasa yang mungkin menimbulkan syak wasangka di pihak lain. o Helps us to discover meanings that the speaker is attempting to hide or obscure. Membantu kita menemukan maksud-maksud yang cuba disembunyikan atau diselindungi oleh penutur.

ives us a valuable insight into somebody elses motivations. Memberi kesedaran tentang motif seseorang.

o To avoid a dispute. Untuk mengelakkan sesuatu pertikaian. o Softens unpleasant news. Memudahkan penerimaan berita-berita yang kurang menyenangkan. o Purposely mislead. Bertujuan untuk mengabui / mengubah pandangan.

Five categories of meta-talk


y Softeners attempts to put the listener in a positive frame of mind using flattery to distract the listener from his/her own needs and objectives. Usaha-usaha untuk membuat pendengar berasa positif dengan menggunakan kata-kata pujian bagi mengalih tumpuan pendengar dari keperluan dan objektif sendiri. o Eg. Im sure someone as intelligent as you will see that this makes sense Saya yakin seseorang sebijak anda akan nampak kewajarannya What is your expert opinion? Apakah pandangan anda sebagai orang yang lebih pakar?

The hidden meaning ( Ive been extra nice to you, now you should return the favour by agreeing with my proposal. ) Maksud yang tersirat ( Saya telah berlaku sangat baik terhadap anda, sekarang anda harus membalasnya dengan menyetujui cadangan saya.)

Try asking yourself, Why is the speaker so anxious to get me to agree to this?. Cuba bertanya pada diri sendiri, Mengapa penutur beria-ria benar untuk mendapatkan persetujuan dari saya?.

y Foreboders set the stage for bad news and alerting you to the fact that something is wrong. Menandakan berita kurang baik dan memperingatkan anda bahawa ada sesuatu yang tidak kena.

o Eg. Dont worry about me or Nothing is wrong (accompanied by visible signs of anxiety) Jangan risau tentang saya atau Tiada apa yang silap. (disertai / kelihatan tanda-tanda resah ) * Actually ,they are alerting you that something is wrong.

Ask the speaker to explain exactly what it is that is making them anxious. - to bring out the problem into the open and look for solutions together.

Minta penutur menjelaskan apa sebenarnya yang membuatnya resah gelisah. - supaya masalah dibincang secara terbuka dan dicari jalan-jalan penyelesaian bersama.

y Continuers attempts to get the listener to disclose his/her thoughts and can be helpful in a business negotiation if you are trying to establish trust. Usaha-usaha untuk membuat pendengar mendedahkan apa yang difikirkan dan boleh membantu dalam sesuatu perundingan perniagaan sekiranya anda ingin mengujudkan rasa keyakinan / kepercayaan. o Eg. Go on, and then?, Thats very good and Now youre talking. Teruskan, dan kemudian?, Itu sangat baik dan Sekarang anda ceritakan.

Dont fall prey to somebodys effort to get you to reveal bits of information before you are ready to do so.

Jangan terperangkap dengan usaha seseorang untuk membuat anda mendedahkan maklumatmaklumat sebelum tiba masanya.

y Convincers to persuade the listener of the logic of what the speaker secretly knows is an illogical argument. Untuk memujuk / mempengaruhi pendengar tentang sesuatu logik yang mana penutur secara rahsia mengetahui bahawa ia suatu yang tidak logik. Eg. Everybody is doing it ( to justify an unwise course of action ) Semua orang sedang melakukannya ( Untuk mewajarkan tindakan-tindakan yang kurang bijak)

Anyone can follow my reasoning ( implies that if you cant, theres something wrong with you! ) Setiap orang bersetuju dengan pendapat saya ( membawa maksud jika anda tidak bersetuju, sesuatu yang tidak kena pada anda!) Refuse to be taken in and continue to point out calmly the flaws in the speakers argument until they revise their position. Jangan menyerah dan terus nyatakan secara tenang kekurangan / kecacatan dalam pendapat / hujah penutur sehingga mereka menilai / meneliti semula kedudukan / pendirian mereka.

y Strokers

a response to an appeal for reassurance. Tindak balas terhadap permintaan bagi mendapatkan jaminan / sokongan.

o Eg. Did I go too far with that suggestion about stock options? Adakah saya pergi terlalu jauh tentang cadangan pembelian saham tersebut?

Answer with a stroker purely in the interest of good climate: Jawab dengan stroker semata-mata untuk mengekalkan iklim yang baik: I really liked your suggestion? ( reassuring ) Saya memang suka pada cadangan anda? ( memberi sokongan) If you add, But (verbal eraser, but ), the other person will realize that your compliment was insincere. Jika anda menambah, Tetapi ( menggunakan verbal eraser, "Tetapi), pihak lain akan menyedari bahawa sokongan/penghargaan anda tidak ikhlas.

Should we meta-talk then? y Meta-talk should be avoided in negotiations: Meta-talk harus dielakkan dalam perundingan: o Inhibits clear communication Menghalang kelancaran komunikasi. o If you can see through the others persons meta-talk, they can probably see through yours! Jika anda dapat melihat meta-talk orang lain, mereka mungkin juga melihat anda! y Being direct is more honest and ultimately creates a far better negotiating climate. Bersikap terus-terang adalah lebih jujur / telus dan akhirnya mengujudkan iklim perundingan yang lebih baik.

Other examples: Before I forget As you well know Here comes the real message Now you wont admit you dont know

Everybody says Im a great manager I think Im a hopeless manager Its none of my business, but I would never lie to you You didnt know that? Off the top of my head The matter is closed! Ill do my best First the good news Im making it my business A red flag! I may be lying now You must be pretty stupid I dont know, but Ill speak as I do I wont tolerate any discussion! If it doesnt work out, I warned you You can expect the bad stuff to follow

It is important to avoid trying too hard to control all our own nonverbal behaviour in an attempt to camouflage our true selves. If we try to use gestures or facial expressions to manipulate rather than communicate, we run the risk of appearing false. The simplest way to alter your gestures is first to change how you feel. The gestures will then change automatically because they are natural.