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Chapter 9
Marriage and Intimate
Relationships
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Challenges to Traditional Model of Marriage

‡ Marriage ± ³is the legally and socially
sanctioned union of sexually intimate adults´.
‡ Traditionally, it has also included:
± Economic interdependence.
± Common residence.
± Sexual fidelity.
± Shared responsibility for children.
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Challenges to Traditional Model of Marriage (?ont.)

‡ However, the following social trends have
challenged the ³traditional´ model of marriage:
1. Increased acceptance of singlehood ± since
the 1960s, the median age at which people
marry has been increasing (see Figure 9.1).
2. Increased acceptance of ?ohabitation ±
³living together in a sexually intimate
relationship without the legal bonds of
marriage´.
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Ñigure 9.1
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Challenges to Traditional Model of Marriage (?ont.)

‡ However, the following social trends have
challenged the ³traditional´ model of
marriage: (cont.)
3. Reduced premium on permanence ± the
stigma of divorce has decreased and
approximately 50% of marriages end in
divorce.
4. Transitions in gender roles ± role
expectations are more varied, flexible and
ambiguous.
5. Increased voluntary childlessness.
6. Decline of the ³nuclear family´.
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Moving Toward Marriage

‡ Why are people motivated to marry?
± Desire to participate in a socially sanctioned,
mutually rewarding, intimate relationship.
± Social pressure to adhere to the norm.
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Moving Toward Marriage (?ont.)

‡ Selecting a mate is influenced by:
± indogamy ± ³the tendency of people to marry within
their own social group´.
± Homogamy ± ³the tendency of people to marry
others who have similar personal characteristics´.
‡ Gender and mate selection preferences:
± Women place more value on a potential partner¶s
socioeconomic status, intelligence, ambition, and
financial prospects.
± Men place more value on a potential partner¶s
youthfulness and physical attractiveness.
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Moving Toward Marriage (?ont.)

‡ Murstein¶s Stimulus-Value-Role (S-V-R) Theory.
± Couples move through three stages:
1. The stimulus value stage: is there
superficial attraction? If yes, proceed to
stage 2.
2. The value ?omparison stage: are your
values compatible? If yes, move to stage
3.
3. The role stage: consider whether the
other person fulfills the role of an intimate
companion.
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Moving Toward Marriage (?ont.)

‡ Predictors of marital success.
± Family background ± people whose parents
were divorced are more likely to divorce
themselves.
± Age ± those who marry at a younger age are
more likely to divorce.
± Length of courtship ± longer periods of
courtship are associated with marital
success.
± Personality ± perfectionism and insecurity
are loosely associated with marital problems.
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Moving Toward Marriage (?ont.)

‡ Predictors of marital success. (cont.)
± Personality ± perfectionism and insecurity
are loosely associated with marital problems.
± Premarital interaction ± quality of premarital
communication is especially crucial.
‡ In particular, negativity, sarcasm, insulting
remarks and being unsupportive are all
associated with marital distress.
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Marital Adjustment A?ross the Ñamily Life Cy?le

‡ The family life ?y?le ± ³is an orderly sequence
of developmental stages that families tend to
progress through´.
‡ McGoldrick¶s (1988, 1999) model outlines the
special challenges that are faced by couples as
they progress through six stages of family life
(see Figure 9.5).
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Ñigure 9.5
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Marital Adjustment (?ont.)

‡ McGoldrick¶s model (cont.)
1. Between families: the unattached young adult.
‡ As people postpone marriage, this stage will
likely lengthen.
2. Joining together: the newly married couple.
‡ This ³honeymoon´ phase is characterized by
high levels of satisfaction.
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Marital Adjustment (?ont.)

‡ McGoldrick¶s model (cont.)
3. Family with young children.
‡ Birth of the first child brings a major transition
and potential stress, especially for mothers.
‡ The key to reducing stress during this
transition is having realistic expectations.
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Marital Adjustment (?ont.)

‡ McGoldrick¶s model (cont.)
4. Family with adolescent children.
‡ Adolescence is rated as the most difficult
stage of parenting and marital satisfaction is
at its lowest point.
‡ Conflict is especially likely between teens
(both males and females) and mothers.
‡ In addition, many couples are also caring for
their own aging parents. These double
responsibilities spurred the term, the
³sandwich generation´.
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Marital Adjustment (?ont.)

‡ McGoldrick¶s model (cont.)
5. Launching children into the adult world.
‡ Also called the ³empty nest´ phase, it was
traditionally thought to create feelings of loss.
‡ However, women¶s roles extend beyond
parenthood and this is now generally
associated with greater marital satisfaction.
‡ Problems usually only occur when adult
children return to ³the nest´.
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Marital Adjustment (?ont.)

‡ McGoldrick¶s model (cont.)
6. The Family in later life.
‡ Marital satisfaction tends to climb in the
postparental period when couples have more
time to devote to one another.
‡ This continues until a spouse¶s health begins
to decline, and/or until a spouse dies.
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åulnerable Areas in Marital Adjustment

1. Gaps in role expe?tations
± There are now new expectations about
marital roles, and women are especially
affected.
‡ More women now have demanding
careers.
‡ Yet, they are often interrupted to have
children, or to follow their husbands.
‡ In addition, wives still do 65% of the
household chores, even when they work
similar hours (see Figure 9.7).
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Ñigure 9.7
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åulnerable Areas in Marital Adjustment (?ont.)

ÿ. Work and ?areer issues
± Work and marital adjustment.
‡ Husbands and wives struggle to balance
the demands of work and family
responsibilities.
‡ Spouses¶ stress at work can have
significant impact on marital and family
interactions.
‡ However, in the long run, multiple roles are
beneficial to both women and men, as they
provide social support, more income, and
couples find they have more in common.
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åulnerable Areas in Marital Adjustment (?ont.)

ÿ. Work and Career Issues (?ont.)
± Parents¶ work and children¶s development.
‡ Although parents worry about juggling
work and family roles, and about the
impact of dual-career couples on children,
‡ There is actually little evidence that a
mother¶s working is harmful to her
children, especially after the child is one
year of age.
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åulnerable Areas in Marital Adjustment (?ont.)

. Ñinan?ial diffi?ulties
± Serious financial worries tend to cause:
‡ Increased hostility in husbands.
‡ Increased depression in wives, and
‡ Lower marital happiness in both spouses.
± In addition, risk of separation and divorce
increases as husbands¶ income declines.
± Arguments over how to spend money are
common and potentially damaging at all
income levels.
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åulnerable Areas in Marital Adjustment (?ont.)

[. Inadequate ?ommuni?ation
± Communication problems are the most
frequently cited problem among couples
getting a divorce (see Figure 9.8).
± In addition, unhappy couples:
‡ Find it difficult to convey positive messages.
‡ Misunderstand each other more often.
‡ Don¶t recognize they¶ve been
misunderstood.
‡ Use more negative messages.
‡ Prefer different amounts of self-disclosure.
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åulnerable Areas in Marital Adjustment (?ont.)

[. Inadequate ?ommuni?ation (?ont.)
± Four communication patterns that are risk
factors for divorce are:
1. Contempt.
2. Criticism.
3. Defensiveness.
4. Stonewalling.
5. Belligerence.
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rivor?e
‡ Although the rate of divorce is declining (down
to 40-45%), it is still high enough to cause
concern.
‡ Most divorces occur during the first decade of
marriage (see Figure 9.9) and usually due to:
± Infidelity.
± Jealousy.
± Growing apart.
± Foolish spending behavior.
± Drinking and drug abuse.
± Communication difficulties.
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Ñigure 9.9
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rivor?e (?ont.)
‡ Deciding on a divorce.
± The decision to divorce is a complex one that
is usually the result of a long series of smaller
events that unfold over a long period of time.
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rivor?e (?ont.)
‡ Adjusting to a divorce.
± Divorce is more difficult and disruptive to
women than to men, especially if there are
children.
‡ Custodial mothers¶ incomes drop by 36%.
‡ Fathers¶ incomes increase by 28%.
± Preoccupation with an ex-spouse is also
associated with poorer adjustment.
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rivor?e (?ont.)
‡ Adjusting to a divorce. (cont.)
± Factors associated with favorable adjustment
after a divorce include:
‡ Having higher income.
‡ Getting remarried.
‡ Having more positive attitudes about
divorce.
‡ Being the partner who initiated the
divorce.
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rivor?e (?ont.)
‡ Effects of divorce on children.
± After a divorce, many children exhibit:
‡ Depression and/or anxiety.
‡ Nightmares, dependency.
‡ Aggression, withdrawal or distractibility.
‡ Lowered academic performance.
‡ Reduced physical health.
‡ Precocious sexual behavior.
‡ Substance abuse.
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rivor?e (?ont.)
‡ Effects of divorce on children. (cont.)
± However, it should be noted that:
‡ Divorce can have highly varied effects on
children that depend on a complex array
of factors.
‡ Finally, sometimes divorce can actually
have positive effects on children IF it
reduces or removes conflict that was
present in their married parents.
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rivor?e (?ont.)
‡ Remarriage.
± Approximately three-fourths of divorced
people eventually remarry.
± However, divorce rates are higher for
second, than for first, marriages.
± In addition, remarriage can also be difficult
for children and stepparent-stepchild
relations tend to be more negative and
distant than parent-child relations in first
marriages (see Figure 9.10).
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Ñigure 9.10
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Alternatives to Marriage
‡ Remaining single.
± Many factors have contributed to the growth
of the single population, including:
‡ Increased age at which people marry.
‡ Increased rate of divorce.
± Although singles are either stereotyped as
³bitter and unhappy´ or as ³bar-hopping
socialites´, there is little support for either.
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Alternatives to Marriage (?ont.)

‡ Remaining single. (cont.)
± Compared to married people, singles do
exhibit slightly worse mental and physical
health and rate themselves as less happy.
± However, the difference is modest, and
applies more to men, than to women.
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Alternatives to Marriage (?ont.)

‡ Cohabitation.
± Cohabitation ± ³refers to living together in a
sexually intimate relationship outside of
marriage´.
± There has been a large increase in the
number of couples who cohabitate (see
Figure 9.12).
± Many couples use cohabitation as a ³trial
marriage´, hoping to ensure success.
± However, cohabitation is actually associated
with increases in marital discord, not
success.
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Ñigure 9.1ÿ
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Alternatives to Marriage (?ont.)

‡ Gay relationships.
± Research suggests that approximately 5% -
8% of the adult population is homosexual
(see Figure 9.13).
± Gay relationships have special challenges:
‡ Societal disapproval.
‡ Absence of social legitimization, support
and legal protection.
‡ Absence of prescribed roles for each
partner.
‡ Discrimination and abuse.
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Ñigure 9.1
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Alternatives to Marriage (?ont.)

‡ Gay relationships. (cont.)
± But are gay relationships really different from
homosexual ones?
‡ No. In fact, gay relationships are very
similar to homosexual ones in that they
both:
± Have similar levels of love and
commitment.
± Have similar levels of satisfaction.
± Have the same predictors of success,
and
± They share the same sources of
conflict.
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Alternatives to Marriage (?ont.)

‡ Misconceptions about gay relationships.
1. Gay couples adopt traditional ³masculine´
and ³feminine´ roles in their relationships.
‡ In fact, roles are more equitable.
2. Gays rarely get involved in long-term
relationships.
‡ In fact, nearly all homosexuals prefer long-
term committed relationships, although
lesbian relationships are more likely to be
sexual exclusive.
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Alternatives to Marriage (?ont.)

‡ Misconceptions about gay relationships. (cont.)
3. Gays and lesbians are thought of more as
individuals, than as members of families.
‡ In fact, gays and lesbians are very
involved with their families ± as sons,
daughters, aunts, uncles, grandparents,
and even parents.
‡ Overall adjustment of children of gay
parents is similar to children of
heterosexual parents and they are no
more likely to become gay than are
children of heterosexual parents.
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Appli?ation: Understanding Intimate åiolen?e

‡ Intimate åiolen?e ± ³is aggression toward
those who are in close relationship to the
aggressor´.
‡ rate Rape ± is a common type of intimate
violence and is defined as ³forced and
unwanted intercourse in the context of dating´.
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Appli?ation: Understanding Intimate åiolen?e (?ont.)

‡ Incidence and consequences:
± 13% - 30% of women may by victimized by
date rape or attempted sexual coercion at
some point in their lives.
± Over half of all rapes occur in the context of
dating relationships (see Figure 9.15).
± Rape victims suffer from depression,
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and are at
increased risk of suicide.
± Women also have to cope with possible
pregnancy and disease.
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Ñigure 9.15
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Appli?ation: Understanding Intimate åiolen?e (?ont.)

‡ Contributing factors:
± Alcohol & drugs (especially ³date rape´
drugs).
± Exposure to aggressive pornography.
± Gender differences in sexual standards.
± Miscommunication about whether the woman
consents to sex.
± Males who are impulsive, low in empathy,
hostile toward women, heavy alcohol users,
endorse stereotypes about male dominance,
and have had more sex partners than age-
mates.
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Appli?ation: Understanding Intimate åiolen?e (?ont.)

‡ Contributing factors (cont.)
± Situational factors can increase likelihood of
date rape. It is more likely:
‡ The more the man knows the woman.
‡ The more isolated the setting.
‡ The more consensual sexual activity they
have had.
‡ The longer the man has misperceived the
woman¶s interest in sex.
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Appli?ation: Understanding Intimate åiolen?e (?ont.)

‡ Reducing the incidence of date rape.
± Recognize data rape as an act of sexual
aggression.
± Become familiar with the characteristics of
men who are likely to engage in date rape
(see Figure 9.16).
± Beware of excessive alcohol and drug use,
which may lower your inhibitions.
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Ñigure 9.16
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Appli?ation: Understanding Intimate åiolen?e (?ont.)

‡ Reducing the incidence of date rape. (cont.)
± Only go to public places and carry enough
money that you can get home on your own.
± Communicate feelings and expectations
about sex.
± Be prepared to act aggressively, if assertive
refusals do not work.
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Appli?ation: Understanding Intimate åiolen?e (?ont.)

‡ |artner Abuse can include both physical and
psychological forms of abuse including:
± Humiliation.
± Name calling.
± Controlling what the partner does and with
whom the partner socializes.
± Refusing to communicate.
± Unreasonable withholding of money.
± Questioning the partner¶s sanity.
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Appli?ation: Understanding Intimate åiolen?e (?ont.)

‡ Partner abuse (cont.)
± Incidence and consequences.
‡ About 25% of women and 7% of men have been
physically assaulted by a partner.
‡ Effects of battering go beyond physical injury and
can include:
± Severe anxiety and depression.
± Feelings of helplessness and humiliation.
± Stress-related illnesses and PTSD.
± Vulnerability to suicide.
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Appli?ation: Understanding Intimate åiolen?e (?ont.)

‡ Partner abuse (cont.)
± Characteristics of batterers:
‡ Risk factors associated with domestic
violence include:
± Unemployment.
± Drinking and drug problems.
± Tendency to anger easily.
± Attitudes that condone aggression.
± High stress.
± Males exposed to violence as children.
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Appli?ation: Understanding Intimate åiolen?e (?ont.)

± Characteristics of batterers (cont.)
‡ Relationship factors associated with
domestic violence include:
± Having frequent disagreements.
± Exhibiting a heated style of dealing with
disagreements.
± Having a man with traditional gender
role attitudes paired with a woman who
has non-traditional views of gender
roles.
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Appli?ation: Understanding Intimate åiolen?e (?ont.)

‡ Why do women stay in abusive relationships?
± The majority of women in domestic violence
shelters return home to the abuser. Why?
‡ Fear of economic hardship ± do not
believe they can survive, financially,
without husband.
‡ Are ashamed of the failed relationship and
want to avoid disapproval from family who
might µblame the victim¶.
‡ Fear more severe abuse if they try to leave
(see Figure 9.17).