How to understand and support the
appropriate use of social media
Kids use social media to…
 To socially interact
 For entertainment
 To get information
 Learn socially acceptable communication styles
 Platform to voice opinions/values
 Discover their own identities
Thus it is important for
  Parent/Adults to…
 Talk about online and digital behavior before your
child starts interacting with others online and with
devices.
 Have a Positive and proactive tone, understanding,
and availability to support.
 Model appropriate social behaviors
 Have conversations.
 Guide. Kids need help establishing boundaries and
proper “netiquette”
 Mean behaviors vs
cyberbullying
Cyber-bullying
Mean behaviors
 Sometimes meanness is unintentional o Use of digital communication tools (social media,
cell phones
 Motivated by a desire a tool to receive for
o Intentional
attention
 A modeled behavior o Aggressive; intentionally to target another person
feel sad, angry, or scared.
 A behavior that has gone unaddressed
o Examples; sending hurtful texts or instant
 Lack of empathy for other’s feelings messages, posting embarrassing photos or video
on social media, and spreading mean rumors
online or with cell phones.

“If it’s mean, intervene”

 How do we know if an
interaction is bullying?
 Sometimes we as parents hear the word bullying so often that it may become more difficult to address it with
the necessary seriousness.
 Other times parents can see every negative interaction seems as a victimization and too often address every
negative interaction as if it were bullying
 To adults, digital drama and cyberbullying may seem one and the same. But to kids, there's a difference.
 Drama, and conflicts can sometimes escalate to bullying
 Look at the perspective. Listen and acknowledge children’s feelings. Help them to cope and understand
 Regardless of how behavior is categorized, follow the “if it’s mean, intervene” guideline
 Digital Drama
 Kids often will engage in online drama with an audience in mind, like a performance
Examples:
 Indirectly call out someone or behaviors that are fairly clear
 Make a statement; like changing relationship status or unfriend someone immediately following an argument.
 the everyday tiffs and disputes that occur among friends or acquaintances online or via text message.
 How do we teach and help our kids
respond to digital drama?
 In some cases, digital drama can escalate into an offline fight -- either verbal or physical. Here's how you
can help your kid avoid this:
 Help set boundaries. Understand that these days relationships often are played out both online and
offline. Kids need their family's guidance in establishing appropriate boundaries for healthy relationships.
 Take a time-out. With constant access to texting and posting online, kids don't get a break from the back
and forth that can keep digital drama going. Have some device-free time to give kids a chance to cool off.
 Let them know you're always there for them. Remind your kids often that you're always available to
talk. While you're at it, remind them about the school counselor, a favorite teacher, a coach, or even a
friend's parent. Knowing that they have a trusted adult to talk to may encourage teens to open up more.
 Use media to talk about drama. Reality TV shows often present extreme behavior as entertainment.
Discuss why these shows are less likely to depict positive conflict resolution. Also talk about how these
shows can encourage negative stereotypes about female friendships.
 Digital Harrassment
 Start a discussion. Your teen may not tell you if harassment is Digital harassment is when kids (or grown-ups)
happening directly to him or her. But you can bring it up when you use cell phones, social networks, and other
talk about online safety and responsible behavior. Tell kids about communications devices to bully, threaten, and
resources such as That's Not Cool and the Love is Respect. aggressively badger someone.
 Let them know you're always there for them. Remind teens often
that you're always available to talk. While you're at it, put in a plug
for the school counselor, a teacher, or even a friend's parent. Knowing
that they have a trusted adult to talk to may encourage teens to open  https://www.commonsensemedia.org/video/modal/
up. 5224091
 Help them set boundaries. Tell teens never to do anything that's
outside their comfort zones, such as sharing passwords or sending
sexual photos. (It never hurts to reiterate that anything you send can
travel far and wide.)
 Take action. If you find out your teen has been threatened or
blackmailed, bring the issue to his or her school administrators or law
enforcement. Although you never want to overreact, your child's
safety is the priority.
 Haters and Trolls

 Those folks who make cruel remarks just to stir the pot are everywhere. Kids are affected by this to varying
degrees, depending on many factors, including a kid's age, his or her level of sensitivity, the severity of the
comments, and the kid's social situation. Here are some tips for dealing with the emotional impact and the
practical aspects of online haters and trolls:
 https://www.commonsensemedia.org/video/modal/5220116
 How do we respond to trolling?
 Explain what it is. Hating and trolling is a form of cyberbullying. The behavior is unacceptable, and your kid shouldn't blame him or herself for
what's happening.
 Talk about why people act out. It may be for attention, it may be because people know they can get away with it, or it may be because the hater is
just mean-spirited. Help your kid realize that the comments say more about the troll than they do about your kid.
 Talk about feedback. The ability to handle criticism is a valuable skill that your kid will use for her entire life.
 Focus on the good comments. Explain that comments are likely to run the gamut from insightful to insulting. Sometimes kids fixate on the
negative and forget to acknowledge constructive comments.
 Help them learn from it. She can learn from the experience that there's a way to respond appropriately and a way to phrase comments
constructively.
 Explain that your online identity isn't your real, true self. Kids may take the comments personally and begin to feel bad about themselves.
 Get help. Your kid may need someone to talk to if the negativity has made an impact on his or her well-being.
 Advise caution with in-person encounters. If your kid knows the troll -- or trolls -- the abuse could spill over into real life. Speak to other adults --
teachers, coaches, or parents -- to let them know there's a simmering social situation in which your kid is being targeted.
 Ignore, block, unfollow. Tell your kid not to engage. Block and unfollow the hater using the site, game, or app's privacy settings.
 Flag and report the behavior. Use the community reporting tools to let the company know someone is abusing their guidelines.
 Take screenshots. If the trolling is threatening, personal, or hateful, save the evidence in case things escalate.

 https://www.commonsensemedia.org/video/modal/1248989
How to teach our kids to use social media
responsibly
 Follow the rules. Many social sites have an age minimum of 13 for both legal and safety/privacy reasons. 
Encourage kids to stick with age-appropriate sites.
 Tell your kids to think before they post. Remind them that everything can be seen by a vast, invisible
audience (otherwise known as friends-of-friends-of-friends). Each family will have different rules, but, for
middle school kids, it's a good idea for parents to have access to what their kids are doing online, at least at
first, to be sure that what's being posted is appropriate. Parents can help keep kids from doing something
they'll regret later.
 Make sure kids set their privacy settings. Privacy settings aren't foolproof, but they can be helpful. Take
the time to learn about default settings and how to change privacy settings on your kids' favorite sites, and
teach your kids how to control their privacy.
 Kindness counts. Lots of sites have anonymous applications such as "bathroom walls" or "honesty boxes"
that allow users to tell their friends what they think of them. Rule of thumb: If your kids wouldn't say it to
someone's face, they shouldn't post it.
 https://www.facebook.com/ video.php?v=3824560741502
“Bullying is everyone’s business”
What can we do

 The internet has made buying more public than it had previously been . In fact, one of the side effects is
that potentially everyone in the bully's circle of friends -- both online and off-line -- may be involved.
 Identifying the different roles in a cyberbullying situation can help you to help your kid develop self-
awareness and a sense of empathy. These skills will go a long way toward cultivating an online culture of
respect and responsibility.
 First, there's the cyberbully, the aggressor who's using digital media tools (such as the Internet and cell
phone) to deliberately upset or harass their target -- the person who's being cyberbullied. Then there are
the bystanders, the kids who are aware that something cruel is going on but who stay on the sidelines
(either out of indifference or because they're afraid of being socially isolated or of becoming a target
themselves). But there are also kids who act as upstanders. These are the kids who actively try to
break the cycle, whether by sticking up for the target, addressing the bully directly, or
notifying the appropriate authorities about what's going on.
 Kids may play different roles at different times. Your advice to your child will differ depending on the
situation and the specific role your child is playing in whatever bullying or drama is going on.
Being an upstander not just a bystander

 https://www.commonsensemedia.org/video/modal/4398691

 By making kids aware that a safe world is everyone's responsibility, we empower them to take positive
actions -- like reporting a bully, flagging a cruel online comment, or not forwarding a humiliating photo --
that ultimately can put a stop to an escalating episode of cruelty
How to teach and help our kids respond to
cyberbullying

  It’s important to talk about online and digital behavior before your child starts interacting with others online and with devices. To
prepare your kid for going online or getting a cell phone, or, if you know he or she has been bullied online, offer these steps he or she
can take immediately:
 Sign off the computer. Ignore the attacks and walk away from the cyberbully.
 Don't respond or retaliate. If you're angry or hurt, you might say things you'll regret later. Cyberbullies often want to get a reaction
out of you, so don't let them know their plans have worked.
 Block the bully. If you get mean messages through IM or a social-networking site, take the person off your buddy or friends list. You
also can delete messages from bullies without reading them.
 Save and print out bullying messages. If the harassment continues, save the evidence. This could be important proof to show
parents or teachers if the bullying doesn't stop.
 Talk to a friend. When someone makes you feel bad, sometimes it can help to talk the situation over with a friend.
 Tell a trusted adult. A trusted adult is someone you believe will listen and who has the skills, desire, and authority to help you.
Telling an adult isn't tattling -- it's standing up for yourself. And, even if the bullying occurs online, your school probably has rules
against it.

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