Hidden Agendas

A ROUTE TO GREATER SELF-AWARENESS

05/14/2020 INTEGRATED HEALTH & SOCIAL CARE | LEVEL 4 | COMMUNICATION SKILLS 1

8 Hidden Agendas

05/14/2020 INTEGRATED HEALTH & SOCIAL CARE | LEVEL 4 | COMMUNICATION SKILLS 2

 I’m Good
Think of people you know who use the “I’m good” agenda.
How does hearing this message over and over make you feel?
Perhaps bored, distrustful, irritated, or put off?
Do you wish they could just be themselves?

05/14/2020 INTEGRATED HEALTH & SOCIAL CARE | LEVEL 4 | COMMUNICATION SKILLS 3

 I’m Good (But Others Aren’t)
Do you know people who frequently do this?
How does this message affect you?
Is it enjoyable, or are you sometimes uncomfortable?
Do you worry that they might be directing some criticism your way when you aren’t around?
Do you wish sometimes that conversations with these people could be about something besides
criticising others?

05/14/2020 INTEGRATED HEALTH & SOCIAL CARE | LEVEL 4 | COMMUNICATION SKILLS 4

 You’re Good (But I’m Not)
How do you feel when you hear this kind of thing? Flattered? Distrustful? Resentful?
Do you wonder what they want or where the situation is leading?
Do you sometimes send this message to people?
Are there specific relationships and situations where you tend to do it?
What are you hoping for when you do this? Does it work? How do others react?

05/14/2020 INTEGRATED HEALTH & SOCIAL CARE | LEVEL 4 | COMMUNICATION SKILLS 5

 I Suffer, I’m Helpless
Think of the people you know who use this agenda.
Does it make you feel closer to them?
Do you feel sympathetic and caring?
Do you ever disengage from them?
Do you ever slip into this agenda yourself? When?

05/14/2020 INTEGRATED HEALTH & SOCIAL CARE | LEVEL 4 | COMMUNICATION SKILLS 6

 I’m Blameless
How does it make you feel when people make excuses instead of taking responsibility for their
actions?
Does it affect your level of trust?
Does it tend to make you feel closer to or more distant from these people?
Do you ever slip into this agenda yourself? When?

05/14/2020 INTEGRATED HEALTH & SOCIAL CARE | LEVEL 4 | COMMUNICATION SKILLS 7

 I’m Fragile
Do any of the people in your life use the “I’m fragile” agenda when you want to talk something
out or try to share something you’re going through?
How do you react when that happens?
Do you feel guilty for upsetting them?
Do you feel worried, frustrated, or angry?
Do you ever slip into this agenda yourself? When?

05/14/2020 INTEGRATED HEALTH & SOCIAL CARE | LEVEL 4 | COMMUNICATION SKILLS 8

 I’m Tough
Do you know people who communicate with this agenda?
Does it make you interested or attracted?
Or does it make you feel scared of them, angry, put off, or frustrated that you can’t get close?
Do you ever slip into this agenda yourself? When?

05/14/2020 INTEGRATED HEALTH & SOCIAL CARE | LEVEL 4 | COMMUNICATION SKILLS 9

 I Know It All
How do you feel when you encounter people with the “I know it all” agenda?
Are you drawn to them because they seem intelligent?
Are you put off by their tendency to lecture when communicating?
Do you feel stupid or irritated around them?
Do you ever slip into this agenda yourself? When?

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How can you make changes?

05/14/2020 INTEGRATED HEALTH & SOCIAL CARE | LEVEL 4 | COMMUNICATION SKILLS 11

How can you make changes?
AGENDA OPPOSITE ACTION

I’m good Opposite action: Reveal one or two things you

struggle with and would like to change
Identify several things you can praise or
I’m good, but other aren’t appreciate in others—without bragging about
yourself.

You’re good, but I’m not Share something positive about yourself and
the other person

I suffer, I’m helpless

Share one of your strengths

05/14/2020 INTEGRATED HEALTH & SOCIAL CARE | LEVEL 4 | COMMUNICATION SKILLS 12

How can you make changes?
AGENDA OPPOSITE ACTION

I’m blameless Acknowledge the next mistake you make

I’m fragile Really listen to other people when it’s difficult

for you to do so
Share some vulnerability with someone –
I’m tough something painful that you’ve been dealing
with

I know it all Listen and ask questions about other people’s

ideas

05/14/2020 INTEGRATED HEALTH & SOCIAL CARE | LEVEL 4 | COMMUNICATION SKILLS 13