Narrative Writing

LEARNING OBJECTIVES:

To analyse a student’s essay and think about improvements

To use sentence variety in my own writing

EXPECTED LEARNING OUTCOMES:

ALL: will be able to write a variety of sentences

MOST: will be able to write a ‘showing’ sentence

SOME: will be able to create atmosphere in their narrative essay

Starter

Sentence variety - Begin with adverbs

The boy cautiously approached the eagle’s nest.

Change to:

Cautiously, the boy approached the eagle’s nest.

Your Turn - write a sentence beginning with an adverb in your books.

Examples of adverbs:

● Abruptly ● Delicately

● Endlessly ● Wearily

● Firmly ● Sorrowfully

● Delightfully ● Beautifully

● Quickly ● Truthfully

● Lightly
Begin with adjectives

Tom, exhausted and dirty, collapsed on the floor.

Change to:

Exhausted and dirty, Tom collapsed on the floor.

Your Turn - write a sentence beginning with adjectives in your books.

Begin with prepositional phrases - a preposition (a position word) and a noun phrase.

The president did not restrict his travel after the attempt on his life.

Change to:

After the attempt on his life, the president did not restrict his travel.

Your Turn - write a sentence beginning with a prepositional phrase in your books.

Examples of prepositions:
● Under
● By
● Near
● Beneath
● Over
● At
● In
● For
● Above
● Below
Begin with verbal phrases - is a verb form that functions as a noun, adjective, or adverb.

There are three types of verbals: infinitive, participial, and gerund.

Participial phrases consist of either a past or a present participle and any objects, and/or modifiers. It
functions as adjectives within a sentence.

Example:

The writer, worried that the manuscript might be stolen, placed it in a secret vault.

Change to:

Worried that the manuscript might be stolen, the writer placed it in a secret vault.

Your Turn - write a sentence beginning with a participial phrase in your books.
Begin with verbal phrases

Infinitive phrases start with an infinitive (to + verb) which is followed by any objects, and/or modifiers.

Example:

To tour America slowly is my dream.

Your Turn - write a sentence beginning with an infinitive phrase in your books.
Begin with verbal phrases

Gerund phrases consist of a gerund ( a verb form that ends in -ing) and any objects and/or modifiers
It functions as nouns.

Example:

Riding a roller coaster scares my sister.

Your Turn - write a sentence beginning with a gerund phrase in your books.
The Birth of My Sister
 “How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something, Why does the writer begin
their narrative with a quote?
but to be someone.” (Coco Chanel)
How could you vary
these sentences?
It was a cold autumn night in October. I was at the Fairfax Hospital.

How could the It was dreary inside of the hospital and it smelled of sickness. I was
writer show this?
waiting in the visitor's room with my father. We were going to see my
In your books, rewrite
mother and my newly born baby sister. I was excited, but scared at the following sentences
How could the so it does not begin
writer show these the same time. I was scared because I knew that the baby was not with the pronoun ‘I’.
emotions?
supposed to be born until December. I had memorized my mother‛s

due date as soon as I was told that I was going to have a baby sister

or brother. The nurse came out of my mother‛s room and told us that

How is this a showing we could go in and see her and the baby. I held onto my father's
sentence?
hand more tightly. He gave me a reassuring pat on the back and

stated that everything would be fine.

 What’s a better verb that the
writer could’ve used here?
What’s the effect of the
repetition here?
How could you
We walked into my mother‛s room and the first thing that I vary these
sentences?
noticed was the tiny little bundle that my mother held in her
arms. She gestured for me to come to her side. I went and
she gathered me up in her arms, and said, “Look, this is
your new baby sister. Isn't she beautiful?” All I could do
How could the writer expand
was stare and stare and stare. I was mesmerized. She this part of the narrative
using sensory imagery and
weighed only a pound. I had never seen such a tiny little figurative language?
baby in all of my life.
 I picked up her tiny finger and I said, ‘Hi, my name

is Megha and I‛m your sister.” I asked my mom

what her name was and she said, “Her name is

How could you
vary these Shipra. Your father and I decided to name her after
sentences?
a goddess. Shipra means a person who is in a

rush?” The nurse quickly took her away to the

How could the writer have
How would the writer used figurative language
have developed this special room and bundled her up in cotton. I
here?
idea of the respirator
wanted to know where the nurse was taking my
machine in the next
paragraph? new baby sister. My mother told me, “She has to be

put on a respirator machine because she cannot

Rewrite this sentence so Rewrite this sentence so you
breathe on her own.” I felt very frightened then and
you show the mother show the feeling of being
consoling the narrator. my mother tried to console me by telling me that frightened.

everything would be alright.

How could the writer
develop the setting
more?
What’s the effect of the
metaphor here?
Over the next couple of days, I lived my life in the
hospital. The nurses would never let me go inside of
How could the writer have used
the special room to see my baby sister, but I watched a metaphor here to describe her
feelings?
through the glass doors, as the doctors helped my
sister to grow into a normal baby, who could live a
normal life. A couple of weeks later, I was finally
allowed to see my sister. She looked much healthier
than the first time I had seen her. She had roses in How could the writer have
included more sensory imagery
her cheeks and when she looked up at me, I just here to describe her baby
sister?
knew that she would be fine. I was so happy that the
doctors were able to make my sister better. It was at
that precise moment, in which I knew that I wanted to
become a doctor, to help little, newborn, innocent
babies, like my sister.
Plenary
Write down three things you learnt today:

1. ________________________________

1. ________________________________

1. _________________________________