Remote Preparations

for Marriage
 Incidental Factors for mate
selection

 Geographical and residential

 Sharing of similar cultural values
 Peer, family, cultural pressures
 WHAT TO EXPECT IN A
PROSPECTIVE LIFETIVE PARTNER?
Criteria
•Physical Qualities
•Psychological Qualities
•Ethical Qualities
•Religious Qualities
Dating And Mate
Selection
Defining Dating
 Topic 1

Defining Dating
“… the difference between dating and a
relationship is a verbal declaration of
commitment to exploring the future
together”
Source: Random guy named Andy from Boise, Idaho, [http://www.whitetigersd.com/AboutMe/]
 DATING

“Delights, Discontents and Dilemmas”

The more time one dates another, the nature of that relationship
changes, and not always the same way for each party.
Laner
 PURPOSES OF DATING
 SOCIALIZATION:
To develop appropriate social skills to
practice getting along with others in
different settings.
 RECREATION:
To have fun and enjoy the companionship
of others, and to try new and different
activities.
 MATE SELECTION:
To see others in many different settings, to
compare the personality and
characteristics of many people.
 STAGES OF DATING
 Stimulus Stage: Attraction is physical,
mental or social.
 Value Stage: Weigh each other’s
values to see if compatible. Usually
determined between 2-7 dates (best to
breakup here).
 Role Stage: Analyze behaviors to
determine filling roles as lover,
companion, friend, worker, spouse and
parent.
 HOW MANY GUYS WOULD ASK A
GIRL OUT WITH OUT BEING GIVEN
PERMISSION BEFOREHAND?

Men are afraid of rejection from

women.
 1% of men preferred women who waited to
be asked.
 99% of men wanted women to hint to be
asked.
 50% of men preferred women to ask them
out.
 Initiating a Date
 Women most often covertly initiate
meeting by sending nonverbal signals of
interest.
 Women control dating:
ACT
A – Animation
C – Closeness: accidentally on purpose run into them.
Be where they are.
T – Touch: Catch eye, smile, touch elbow, etc (at least 3
times a week)
HOW DO YOU MEET PEOPLE FOR DATING?
 Open field: A setting in which potential
partners may not be likely to meet,
characterized by large numbers of people who
do not ordinarily interact, such as a beach, mall
or campus.
 Closed field: A setting in which potential
partners may meet, characterized by a small
number of people who are likely to interact,
such as a class, dorm or party).
Parties are the most common place
1/3 to 1/2 of all meetings are introductions by friends.
(also internet, classified ads, dating services and churches)
 PROBLEMS IN DATING

 Power is not usually a

problem in dating but
gender roles are.
 Who pays?
 Who decides?
 Communication
 Shyness
 Sexual pressure
What Do Women Want?
What Do Men Want?
 What Do Men Want?
1. Men want honest, timely, loving
communication.
2. Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident
women.
3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship.
4. Men want growth, personal responsibility,
and ownership.
5. Men want fidelity and a commitment to the
relationship.
6. Men want women who know how men need
to be treated.”
Source: Coach Rinatta Paries, in “What Men Want in a Relationship” from "Chinese Women
Today“
[http://www.chinesewomentoday.com/relationships/menwant.big5.html]
 What Do Women Want?
1. Confidence (or Power)
2. Sense of humor (Fun)
3. Money or the things money can buy
(Security)
4. Looks (Protection and Attraction)
5. A little bit of "Bad boy" qualities
(Mysterious and Independent/Strong)
6. All the other stuff they typically list
(varies - sensitive, caring, etc.)”

Source: Scott Andrews, Founder of "Aspire Now" in “Smooth Sailing”

[http://www.aspirenow.com/smooth_03_01_what_women_want.htm]
 Topic 2

What Do Women Want? What Do Men Want?

“If you do not stabilize your inner self and

deal with your insecurities, you will not be
attractive, or even beneficial in a
relationship. People who are attracted to
insecure people can fail to realize it may
be their own insecurity which makes them
desire to control another by using that
person’s insecurity to manipulate them.
This can give them a sense of power.”
 Topic 2

What Do Women Want? What Do Men Want?

“For men, a woman’s looks are more important

than personality, at least at first. For women, a
man’s attitude is everything, all the time.”
Source: Anonymous

“Women aren't usually romantically attracted to

"nice" guys. Women are attracted to men who
are funny, confident, and mysterious. Good
looks don't hurt, but if you're not 6'4" tall and
model-handsome, then you have to learn how to
attract women with your personality.”
Source: David DeAngelo, “Why ‘Nice Guys’ Fail With Women” in Dating Newsletter
The Seven Habits of
Highly Defective
Dating
 JOSHUA HARRIS
Defective dating
1. Dating leads to
intimacy but not
necessarily to
commitment

Intimacy without commitment,

like icing without cake, can be
sweet, but it ends up making
us sick.
 Defective dating
2. Dating tends to
skip the
"friendship" stage
of a relationship.

Intimacy without commitment is

defrauding. Intimacy without friendship is
superficial. A relationship based only on
physical attraction and romantic feelings
will last only as long as the feelings last.
 Defective dating
3. Dating often
mistakes a
physical
relationship for
love.

Physical involvement can make two people

feel close. But if many people in dating
relationships really examined the focus of
their relationships, they’d probably discover
that all they have in common is lust.
 Defective dating
4. Dating often isolates a couple from
other vital relationships.

The exclusive attention so often

expected in dating relationships has a
tendency to steal people’s passion for
serving in the church and to isolate
them from the friends who love them
most, family members who know them
best, and, sadly, even God, whose will
is far more important than any
romantic interest.
 Defective dating
5. Dating, in many cases, distracts
young adults from their primary
responsibility of preparing for the
future.
 Defective dating
6. Dating can cause discontent with
God's gift of singleness.
 Defective dating
7. Dating creates an artificial
environment for evaluating another
person's character.
Courting Pinoy Style
FUNCTIONS OF DATING
HISTORY

Most marriages across cultures are arranged by the

parents.
 MATE SELECTION

In the West: Dominated by ROMANTIC

LOVE
FROMM: “Art to be learned”

COMPATIBILITY
Now a cornerstone to determine
relationship strength
 MATE SELECTION

Christian Viewpoint

• Choosing someone to marry is one of the

most important decisions one will ever make.
• GUIDELINES: seek out what God wants; seek
wisdom from others around you; seek
wisdom from a body of believers
 Engagement
Kinds
 Informal
 Formal or betrothal
 Checklist before marriage
 Tasks in marriage
 Year/s plans (what do you want to happen a
year, 5 fives, 10 years from now)
 Who works and how much will you be
needing (bills, saving, dept limit)
 Willing to change
 Plans for children
 Day or night outs with friends and vacations
 Religious growth (Sunday mass,
Congregation)
 Canon 1062-1065
 Canon 1062.1 A promise of marriage, whether
unilateral or bilateral, called an engagement, is
governed by the particular law which the Episcopal
Conference has enacted, after consideration of
such customs and civil laws as may exist.
 Canon 1063 Pastors of souls are obliged to ensure
that their own church community provides for
Christ's faithful the assistance by which the
married state is preserved in its christian character
and develops in perfection. This assistance is to be
given principally:
 Canon 1062-1065
 Canon 1065.1 Catholics who have not yet
received the sacrament of confirmation are to
receive it before being admitted to marriage,
if this can be done without grave
inconvenience.
 Canon 1065.2 So that the sacrament of
marriage may be fruitfully received, spouses
are earnestly recommended that they
approach the sacraments of penance and the
blessed Eucharist.
 Summary
No adequate preparation = Broken marriage

Lifetime partner
and the “I do”
 Life Today Magazine
THE ISSUE ON ABORTION (pages 14-21)
1. As a Thomasian, how will you react on the current
negative facts about ABORTION?
2. What is our Christian faith telling us on the stand that
we must have on the issue of abortion?
3. Do you agree on the points given by Pope Francis on
the issue of abortion? Support your answer.
4. What is your personal stand on the issue of abortion?

(Short bond paper)

 Prelim Coverage
1. Man’s Vocation 1. Identification
2. Growth and Maturity 2. True or False
3. Human Sexuality 3. Conceptualization
4. Maturing in Love
4. Multiple Choice
5. Essay

100 points
 Good Luck 

Mag-aral ng mabuti!
QUIZ #2
 Quiz #2
I. IDENTIFICATION: Identify what is being described
in each of the following statements. (Rx1)

1. It is the wholesome integration of our sexuality

within us.
2. It is everything we do that makes a man, man; and
a woman, woman.
3. It is the ability to respond to the expressed or
unexpressed needs of you love one.
4. It is the active in-depth consciousness of another
person’s image, leading to genuine communion.
5. It is shown by the active concern for life and the
growth of the one we love.
II. True or False. Write M if the statement is correct,
otherwise J if it is wrong. (Rx1)
1. Sexuality touches every human being and it
means more than just the sexual act.
2. A chaste person, in essence, is someone who is
the master of his or her sexual appetite.
3. Love is also a decision, and not just a feeling.
4. Sensible love is rooted in man’s spirituality and
openness to being, a personal response to the true
nature and true worth of the other.
5. Conjugal love is the gentle, faithful, exclusive, and
intimate love that unites the spouses according to
their truth as images of God.
III. Conceptualization: Analyze the given choices. Pick which DOES NOT BELONG to the
series then write the letter or your choice before the number. On the 2nd blank provided, write
the concept of the remaining choices. (Rx2)
_____1. ______________________________2. _____7. ______________________________8.
A. Pornography A. Contract
B. Prostitution B. Covenant
C. Consent
C. Pre-marital sex D. Sacrament
D. Homosexual Orientation _____9. ______________________________10.
_____3. ______________________________4. A. Lack of sufficient use of Reason
A. Honest B. Coercion/Use of force
C. Ignorance
B. Freeing
D. Disagreement
C. Forgiving
D. Strengthening
_____5. ______________________________6.
A. Responsibility
B. Sympathy
C. Respect
D. Care
 IV. Multiple Choice: Identify what is being described by the
following statements. Write the letter of the correct answer.
(Rx1)

A. Masturbation B. Pre-marital Sex C. Artificial Contraception

D. Pornography E. Prostitution F. Homosexual Act

1. Engaging in sexual act for money.

2. Refers to having sexual relations with another person of the same sex
3. Refers to any material that violates the private and intimate nature of
the human sexual act.
4. Entering into sexual union outside of marriage
5. It contradicts the church on its promotion of the natural method of
family planning
6. It reinforces the wrong notion that sex is merely for one’s personal
pleasure.
V. Enumeration: Give what is being
asked. (Rx1)
1-6. Qualities of a Mature love
7-9. Natures of Christian Marriage
VI. Essay: In not more than 5 sentences but not
less than 3, answer the question below. (Rx5)

1. Why did God create man

different from a woman? What is
its significance in the vocation of
Marriage?