Introduction to the Five

LOVE LANGUAGES

How to Express Heartfelt Commitment

to Your Mate
Gary Chapman
1. Words of Affirmation

“I can live for two months on a good

compliment.” -Mark Twain
“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the
tongue of the wise brings healing.”
Proverbs 12:18

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a

harsh word stirs up anger.”
Proverbs 15:1
Love is a Request, Not a Demand

“You know those apple pies you make?

Would it be possible for you to make one
this week? I love those apple pies.”
 Love is a Request, Not a Demand

“Haven’t had an apple pie since the baby

was born. Don’t guess I’ll get any more
apple pies for eighteen years.”
 2. Quality Time
• Giving someone your undivided attention.

• Sharing an activity in which we are giving our full

attention to the other person.

• Quality conversation, focusing on what we are

hearing - listening sympathetically.
“My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the
hiding places on the mountainside, show
me your face, let me hear your voice; for
your voice is sweet, and your face is
lovely.”
Song of Solomon 2:14
 Principles of Quality Time
1. At least one of you wants to do it.
2. The other is willing to do it.
3. Both of you know why you are doing it -
to express love by being together.
 Babbling Brook & the Dead Sea

If you are a Dead Sea on a date with a

Babbling Brook, you will have a wonder
night. You won’t have to worry, “How will I
get the conversation started tonight?”
She will fill up the whole evening and you
will go home saying, “What a wonderful
person.”
 Babbling Brook & the Dead Sea

On the other hand, if you are a Babbling

Brook on a date with a Dead Sea, you
will have an equally wonderful time
because Dead Seas are the world’s best
listeners. He will listen intently to you, and
you will go home saying, “What a
wonderful person.” You attract each
other.
 Babbling Brook & the Dead Sea

But five years after marriage, the Babbling

Brook wakes up one morning and says,
“We’ve been married five years, and I
don’t know him.” The Dead Sea is
saying, “I know her too well. I wish she
would stop and give me a break.”
 Babbling Brook & the Dead Sea

The good news is that Dead Seas can

learn to talk and Babbling Brooks can
learn to listen.

We are influenced by our personality but

not controlled by it.
 3. Receiving Gifts
“Every good and perfect gift is from above,
coming down from the Father of the heavenly
lights”
James 1:17

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through

faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift
of God”
Ephesians 2:8
Principles of Giving Gifts

1. Gifts you buy

2. Gifts you make

3. Gift of self
 4. Acts of Service
“You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and
rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I,
your Lord and Teacher, have washed
your feet, you also should wash one
another's feet. I have set you an example
that you should do as I have done for
you.”
John 13:13-15
 4. Acts of Service
You, my brothers, were called to be free.
But do not use your freedom to indulge
the sinful nature; rather, serve one another
in love. The entire law is summed up in a
single command: "Love your neighbor as
yourself.”
Galatians 5:12-14
 Principles of Service
1. Love is a choice; it cannot be coerced.
2. Service can be done out of love, or it
can be done out of fear, guilt, and
resentment.
 Overcoming Stereotypes
A willingness to examine and change
stereotypes is necessary in order to
express love more effectively.

Remember, there are no rewards for

maintaining stereotypes, but there are
tremendous benefits to meeting the
emotional needs of your spouse.
 5. Physical Touch

Jesus recognized the importance of showing

love through physical touch.

“Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out

his hand and touched the man.”
Mark 1:41
“People were bringing little children to
Jesus to have him touch them, but the
disciples rebuked them. 14When Jesus
saw this, he was indignant. He said to
them, "Let the little children come to me,
and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of
God belongs to such as these.”
Mark 10:13-14
 A Note to the Men
Do not confuse sexual desire with the emotional
need to feel loved.

Example:
“If your spouse was meeting your sexual needs as
often as you desire, but she was giving you
negative words, criticizing you, putting you down
in front of others, would you feel loved by her?”
 The Five Love Languages
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
The Five Love Languages

Take the quiz online:

www.5lovelanguages.com
 The Five Love Languages
1. Learn what your primary (and
secondary) love language is.
2. Learn what your spouse’s love language
is.
3. Learn how to speak the love language of
your spouse so that you can express
your love more effectively.