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Revising
Business
Messages
MaryMary
EllenEllen
Guffey,
Guffey,
Essentials
Essentials
of Business
of Business
Communication,
Communication,
8e 8e Chapter 4,
1, Slide 2
Improving content and
sentence structure
Revising May involve adding,
cutting, and recasting.
Correcting grammar,
Proofreading spelling, punctuation,
format, and mechanics
MaryMary
EllenEllen
Guffey,
Guffey,
Essentials
Essentials
of Business
of Business
Communication,
Communication,
8e 8e Chapter 4,
1, Slide 3
Concise Wording
Revise your messages to eliminate flabby
expressions.
Instead of this Try this
We are of the opinion that We think
Please feel free to Please
In addition to the above Also
At this point in time Now
Despite the fact that Although
MaryMary
EllenEllen
Guffey,
Guffey,
Essentials
Essentials
of Business
of Business
Communication,
Communication,
8e 8e Chapter 4,
1, Slide 8
Remove Redundant Words
Avoid unnecessarily repetitious words. What
words could be omitted in these expressions?
advance warning necessary requisite
close proximity new beginning
exactly identical past history
filled to capacity refer back
final outcome serious danger
This is just a short note to inform you that, as you requested, I have made an
investigation of several of our competitor’s Web sites. Attached hereto is a summary of
my findings. of my investigation. I was really most interested in making a comparison of
the employment of strategies for marketing as well as the use of navigational graphics
used to guide visitors through the sites. In view of the fact that we will be revising our own
Website in the near future, I was extremely intrigued by the organization, kind of
marketing tactics, and navigation at each and every site I visited.
In the event that you would like to discuss this information with me, feel free to call me at
Extension 219.
Attachment.
MaryMary
EllenEllen
Guffey,
Guffey,
Essentials
Essentials
of Business
of Business
Communication,
Communication,
8e 8e Chapter 4,
1, Slide 12
Memo Revised for Conciseness
MaryMary
EllenEllen
Guffey,
Guffey,
Essentials
Essentials
of Business
of Business
Communication,
Communication,
8e 8e Chapter 4,
1, Slide 13
Jargon
Avoid technical terms and special terminology
that readers would not recognize.
Computer Jargon Alternative
queue list of documents
waiting to be printed
export transfer data from one
program to another
bandwidth Internet capacity
Is jargon ever permissible?
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e Chapter 4, Slide 14
Slang
MaryMary
EllenEllen
Guffey,
Guffey,
Essentials
Essentials
of Business
of Business
Communication,
Communication,
8e 8e Chapter 4,
1, Slide 18
Revise the following sentences to avoid
redundancies, trite business expressions,
jargon, and slang.
MaryMary
EllenEllen
Guffey,
Guffey,
Essentials
Essentials
of Business
of Business
Communication,
Communication,
8e 8e Chapter 4,
1, Slide 19
Buried Verbs
Excessive Businesslike
The manager is actually The manager is
quite pleased with your pleased with your
proposal because the proposal because
plan is definitely the plan is workable.
workable.
MaryMary
EllenEllen
Guffey,
Guffey,
Essentials
Essentials
of Business
of Business
Communication,
Communication,
8e 8e Chapter 4,
1, Slide 26
In the following sentences, unbury verbs and
control exuberance.
MaryMary
EllenEllen
Guffey,
Guffey,
Essentials
Essentials
of Business
of Business
Communication,
Communication,
8e 8e Chapter 4,
1, Slide 27
Designing Documents for
Readability
Headings
Short paragraphs
Ragged-right margins
MaryMary
EllenEllen
Guffey,
Guffey,
Essentials
Essentials
of Business
of Business
Communication,
Communication,
8e 8e Chapter 4,
1, Slide 36
Improve the readability of the following
instructions that will become part of a
student’s employment booklet.
MaryMary
EllenEllen
Guffey,
Guffey,
Essentials
Essentials
of Business
of Business
Communication,
Communication,
8e 8e Chapter 4,
1, Slide 37
What to Watch for
in Proofreading
Spelling
Grammar
Punctuation