SEVEN HABITS OF

HIGHLY EFFECTIVE
PEOPLE
By
Stephen.R.Covey
 Habit 5

SEEK FIRST TO
UNDERSTAND, THEN
BE UNDERSTOOD
 Listen First,Talk
Second

Be emphatic: Someone is daring to share

their thoughts and beliefs with you.

Most people do not listen with the

intent to understand; they listen with
the intent to reply
Empathic listeningis not about agreeing with the other
(showing sympathy). Itis about understanding what
message the other is trying to convey. It is the only form of
true listening.
Four types of reacting from an egocentric perspective,
that are unproductive:

Evaluate: do not immediately let the other know whether you agree
or disagree.
Probe: do not keep asking questions and investigating.
Advise: do not counsel purely based on your personal experiences.
Interpret: do not try to define the motives of the behavior based on
your personal experience.
 STEPS FOR EMPATHIC LISTENING

. Listen carefully to the speakers messages, both

verbal and nonverbal

Display an open, caring posture

Consider the speakers emotional state

Calmly reflect back what you perceive the speakers

feelings and meaning to be
BEHAVIOURS TO
AVOID
Questioning or Probing
Judging
Criticizing
Lecturing
Advising
Interrupting
 EMPATHIC LISTENING TIPS

Be interested in the speaker

Have good eye contact and body language
Minimize distractions
Invite the speaker to expand on his or her thoughts
Respond in a tone that is appropriate for the situation
THE BENEFITS OF EMPATHIC LISTENING

buildstrustand respect,
enables the disputants to release their emotions,
reduces tensions,
encourages the surfacing of information, and
creates a safe environment that is conducive to collaborative
problem solving.
 Points to Remember

Empathic listening is about the speaker, not the listener

It is not necessary to use empathic listening during an
entire conversation; it is primarily a way to understand
another persons point of view
no matter who you are, where you live, or what your
religion when we truly need to be heard we speak to
the greatest empathetic listener, known to mankind
 Diagnose Before You Prescribe

We often prescribe before making a proper diagnosis when

communicating. We should first take the time to deeply understand
the problems presented to us. Although its risky and hard, seek
first to understand, or diagnose before you prescribe , is a correct
principle manifest in many areas of life.
If you dont have confidence in the diagnose, you wont have
confidence in the prescription.
 EXAMPLES

An effective sales person first

seeks to understand the needs, the
concerns, the situation of the
customer. The professionals learn
how to diagnose, how to
understand. He also learns how to
relate peoples needs to his
products and services. As in order
to influence, you need to be
influenced.
 CONTD
Diagnosing before you prescribe is
also FUNDAMENTAL TO LAW.
The professional lawyers first
gather the facts to understand the
situation, the laws and precedents,
before preparing the case.
A good lawyer almost writes
the opposing case before he
writes his own.
 CONTD
Diagnose to prescribe is also true in PRODUCT DESIGN. A good
engineer will understand the forces, the stresses at work, before
designing the bridge. A good teacher will assess the class before
teaching. A good student will understand before he applies.
Four Autobiographical
Responses
BECAUSE WE LISTEN AUTOBIOGRAPHICALLY, WE
TEND TO RESPOND IN ONE OF FOUR WAYS :

We evaluate
 These responses come naturally to us. We are deeply
scripted in them; we live around models of them all the
time. But how do they affect our ability to really
understand?
UNDERSTANDING AND PERCEPTION

As you listen deeply you will discover over

tremendous differences in perception

Communication is the most important skill in life. You
spend years learning how to read and write, and years
learning how to speak. But what about listening? What
training have you had that enables you to listen so you
really, deeply understand another human being?
Probably none, right?
 Seek first to understand then to be
understood
1. Need to understand another individuals perception.
2. Know how to be understood by other
 Courage and consideration

Earlier we defined maturity as the balance between courage and consideration.

Seeking to understand requires consideration; seeking to be understood takes
courage. Win-win requires a high degree of both. So it becomes important in
interdependent situations for us to be understood.

The early Greeks

The early Greeks had a magnificent philosophy which is
embodied in three sequentially arranged words
Ethos
Pathos
logos.
I suggest these three words contain the essence of
seeking first to understand and making effective presentations .
 Then seek to be understood
Three words are effective in making effective presentation:
Ethos

Pathos

logos
 ETHOS
This has to do with the persons credibility and
accountability

It is a persuasive appeal based on the character of the

individual

Doctors all over the world recommend this type of

treatment.
People tend to believe the opinions of doctors in the matter
of medical treatments.
 PATHOS

This is a means of persuasion that appeals to the empathic side

or emotions of the audience.

Example:

If we do not leave this place soon, we will end up yelling for

help. We do not see anyone to help us here. So, leave this
place and live- the statement evokes emotions of fear.
 LOGOS
It is a means of persuasion by demonstration of logical proof real or
apparent.

It appeals to the intellect of the reader

CIRCLE
CIRCLEOF
OFINFLUENCE
INFLUENCE CIRCLE
CIRCLEOF
OFCONCERN
CONCERN

The Circle of Influence is the area The Circle of Concern is the area
that we have control over. that we have no control over.
 Our Circle of Influence is most often smaller than the Circle of Concern. As
we react, we tend to focus on the Circle of Concern, which depletes our
energy, because we have no control over it. The energy focused on the
Circle of Concern is negative. If you focus on the Circle of Concern and
neglect the Circle of Influence, eventually the Circle of Influence will get
smaller. This will add to feelings of stress and helplessness, because you
cannot change anything in the Circle of Concern.
 Proactive people focus on the Circle of Influence, which is the
area we have control over and we can act upon. When we do
this, the Circle of Influence gets bigger. When you act on your
Circle of Influence you are able to reduce stress levels and
increase happiness, because you can initiate and influence
change.
 Listening Road Blocks
Spacing Out:
Your mind wanders when others talk.
Pretend Listening:
You dont really pay attention to the other
person, but you pretend to. You say
yeah,, uh-huh, and cool.

Selective Listening: Selfish Listening:

You listen only to the parts that interest You always bring the conversation back to
you. you and your life. You say things like I
had that happen too and I know how you
feel.
 Are you a good listener?

Very Not Such a

Good Great Listener
Listener

How could you be a

better listener?
 Conclusion
Communication is the most important skill in life. You spend years
learning how to read and write, and years learning how to speak.
But what about listening? What training have you had that enables
you to listen so you really, deeply understand another human being.
 Conclusion
After reading this chapter we have come to end that we have
realized that we could definitely listen more empathetically and let
people be understood more. We tend to relate what other people are
saying to us, to our own life and by doing this we are not letting the
person talking to us be fully understood. We really want to
personally improve that in our lives, it will help strengthen the
relationships we have with the people.