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ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION

Dr Shilpee A Dasgupta

Communicate to connect and motivate


Effective communication is the lifeblood of a successful

organization (Wyatt, 2006).


People consider emotional comfort as one of the major elements
of motivation and love to be managed by people-centric
communication one that has the human factor at the centre of
things (Bardwick, 2007).
Great leaders through effective communication create
connection cultures that meet the emotional needs in the
people they lead (Bardwick, 2007).

Communication
Communication is multidimensional and takes place at two

separate but interrelated levels:


1. The content level (what)
2. The relationship level (how)

Communication Style
Communication style is the way one verbally, non-verbally,

and para-verbally interacts to signal how literal meaning should


be taken, interpreted, filtered, or understood (Norton, 1983,
p.58).

Passive
Soft voice
Communication
Overly agreeable, no point of view expressed

Avoidance
Withdrawn body language
Sound unsure
Beat around the bush
Sound hopeless or helpless

Some Passive Messages


Uhif thats the way you want to do itum, thats
fine with me.
I dont know if I could do that.
Ill talk to him soon about that problem; Ive just
been really busy.
Im sorry to ask you.
I hate to bother you.
Maybe thats a good idea.

Passive-Aggressive
Communication
Appears to agree but really does not agree
Tells others but not the source of the

concern
Makes subtle digs and sarcastic remarks
Keeps score, sets conditions
Nonverbal message contradicts the verbal
message
Holds back expressing concerns or
providing assistance
Criticizes after the fact

Some Passive/Aggressive
Messages
I knew that wouldnt work.
If thats the way you want it
How could you even think that?
When was the last time you helped me?

Aggressive
Communication
Blaming, accusing
Intimidating body language
Demanding, ordering
Raised voice
Harsh, personal language
Verbal browbeating

Some Aggressive
You must
Messages
Because I said so.
You idiot!
You always
You never
Who screwed this up?

Assertive Communication
Takes responsibility
Takes initiative
Listens actively
Speaks up, is direct and constructive
Shows sincerity
Is solutions focused
Assumes a confident voice and body language
Addresses concerns directly to the source
Requests needs

Some Assertive
Messages
Yes, that was my mistake.
As I understand your point
Let me explain why I disagree with that point.
Lets define the issue and then explore some
options to help resolve it.
Please hear me out and then work with me to
resolve my concern.

Some Assertive
Messages
Yes, that was my mistake.
As I understand your point
Let me explain why I disagree with that point.
Lets define the issue and then explore some
options to help resolve it.

Dont confuse aggressive with


assertive.
Aggressive
Blunt
Harsh in tone
Blame and Browbeat
Push for your own
way
One-way
conversation flow

Assertive
Direct
Firm in tone
Collaborates on
solutions
Speaks up, yet hears
others opinions
Two-way
conversation flow

Comparison between the three communication styles


Passive

Assertive

Aggressive

Statement of wants, needs,


desires, honest statement of
feelings, objective words,
direct statements which say
what
one
means
(I
message).

Loaded words, accusations,


subjective
terms,
commanding,
dominant,
superior words; blame or
put-down (you message).

Verbal
Apologetic words, hidden
meaning, hedging, failure
to come to the point,
disconnected, at a loss for
words, failure to say what
one really means.
Non-Verbal
a) General
Actions instead of words,
hoping someone will guess
what you want, looking as
if you dont mean what one
says.

Attentive,
listening, Exaggerated
show
of
generally assured manner, strength, flippant, sarcastic
communication of caring style, an air of superiority.
and strength.

Comparison between the three communication styles


b) Specific
Weak,
hesitant,
safe, Open, frank,
sometimes wavering voice, contact.
eyes are averted downcast,
teary, pledging, posture is
stopped; there is excessive
head nodding and tilting.
Hands are fidget and fluttery.

direct

eye Voice is tense, shrill, loud,


shaky, cold, deadly quiet,
demanding and authoritarian.
Posture is stiff and rigid.

Feelings
Hurt, anxious, disappointed Confidence,
self-respect, Angry,
then
righteous,
in self at the time and feels good about self at the superior, possibly guilty
possibly later.
time and later.
later.
Outcome
Does not achieve desired
goal, does not get needs met,
accumulates anger, and feels
non- valued.

Achieves goals both long and Achieves desired goal by


short-term. Improves self- hurting,
alienating
and
confidence, needs are met, intimidating others.
and relationships are free.

The assertive communication style


enables a person to
express his/her opinions and thoughts in a direct way

without attacking others


refuse an unreasonable request without feeling
guilty, give people constructive feedback instead of
criticism
give recognition and praise to people at the right
time and create a motivational climate
deliver a firm message by asking questions through
a clever approach or ask effective questions to probe
for facts and provoke for ideas
trust people
create a collaborative and congenial working
environment
make long term relationships

Thank You