Telling you how it is

People think that once

your adopted thats it
youre OK, Youre
lucky.. We are here to
tell you it is not as simple

I was adopted age 5 and I will always remember the day of meeting my new family. I
remember the excitement i had when it came to the day I moved out of foster care to
being in a loving home with real parents. Throughout the years i have always been open
and honest about being adopted and people have always seemed interested.
Throughout primary school I was never bullied for it because Other children didnt know
what adoption was, but everything changed when secondary school came along. It was
year 8/9 when the bullying started to occur and I began to take things to heart. The things
that were said to me were terrible for example ..youre a freak, you deserve to be
alone.no one even cares about you.no wonder your parents put you into care.
This carried on for months and after a while I blocked the open world and kept myself
enclosed, I started to self harm as i thought that the blade was my only friend. In the end
my whole year hated me and I felt alone and tried to take my own life. I had a note
prepared ,had cuts on my arm and was unconscious on the floor.
My mum found me and took me straight to the hospital ,after this everything got sorted
out and I eventually started to gain friends again.
Now everything is perfect, I have contact with my birth family and see them every couple
of months. My friends understand and I love talking about being adopted. I will never be
ashamed of my parents.
It has been lovely meeting other teenagers like me who are adopted It has been good
sharing our pasts and our experiences. NEVER be ashamed of being adopted ,be proud
of it and be open. You are special in your own way.

Well at least my parents wanted me.

Wow. I hadnt expected that to be the comeback in the argument I was having with the girl in my PE class. It
didnt shock me that she knew I was adopted; I had always been open with people about it because my
mum had always been open with me about it. I thought if people knew about it; it would mean they wouldnt
be mean about it.
This was in the first year of high school and it wasnt the first time that comments had been made in school
about the fact that I was adopted; it was just more disappointing because I had hoped it would have been
different at high school.
Deciding to walk away from the girl seemed to be the best idea and I didnt want her to see that her
comment had stung. She wasnt having this and followed me saying Come on Tracey Beaker dont you
have anything to say?
This was just the right thing to say to me, she quite clearly didnt even know the difference between
fostering and adoption. It sounds mean but I found it most helpful to feel sorry for her because she was so
clueless she didnt know Tracey Beaker wasnt adopted. Although I carried on ignoring her while she made
comment after comment about how I was never wanted, I thought about how daft you would have to be to
not know the difference between fostering and adoption, and smiled inside and this became my kind of
shield against her none of her comments would stick because of my shield.
Im 20 now and at university. I found when I went to college and university people were much more
understanding and instead of using it against me they were just interested to find out about it. Now Im older
I think bullying because of adoption only carries on because they dont know about it.

My adoptive mum always told me how much she loved me when she
tucked me in at night, that I was a special baby. I was chosen by an
angel, but the other kids didnt always understand. I was so proud that
my mummy and daddy chose me and shouted it in the playground, but
the other kids were so cruel, as if I was something alien.
I got called some awful things like freak, unwanted, dustbin baby I
even got called an orphan! Apparently my mum and dad killed
themselves because I was so ugly and they hated me.
I knew it was a load of rubbish but it brought a lump in my throat, played
on my mind. I didnt know how to cope with all the different emotions.
I felt like I couldnt talk to my adoptive parents about my birth parents,
because what if I upset them? It made them feel like I was pushing them
out or didnt care about them any more? It took a while to pluck up the
courage, but I did it!

By the time i got to 16 years old I was really depressed and even felt suicidal. At that point my parents
got me in touch with a counsellor from a Children's charity. I began to talk things through and explore
my feelings and realized that i need to know about my past. there were too many gaps like a jigsaw
puzzle with too many missing pieces. I needed to satisfy my curiosity about why I had been adopted. I
had photos but no feelings .i had a collection of emotional letters from my birth mother via the letterbox
which had been saved up for when i was older but nothing made any sense because i had no
memories of my birth family .
I started working with an adoption support worker who talked to me and my adopted mum about finding
out more info for me. He looked into my files and told me more and then wrote to my birth mum and
went to meet her to suss her out. The whole thing was very slow and took about 18 months till I finally
met
Looking back I think I needed to have some control over my life.i hadnt had a choice about being
adopted or a choice about which family I went to. Teenagers dont have control over much anyway but I
needed to do something for me on my own terms.
During this time I was part of a group of adopted teenagers that met up every week to do work for the
council on what teenagers think of the services they get. It was really good to meet up with others my
age in my situation. It was good that we had a job to do because I wouldnt have been happy about
being part of a group that just talked adoption all the time.
Looking back i just felt on my own back when i was 15. I didnt know who to approach for help and was
glad it all worked out in the End. The older I have got and the more control I have over things the better

Now youve heard some of

our stories here are some of
the ways we think school life
can be made better for us

Forever learning
We believe all schools with adopted people as well as other children who are fostered or in care
should have.
Training for teachers, by specialists to help them understand the issues for us and why we
sometimes get anxious, sad, feel mixed up, empty, confused, angry and lonely.
Presentations and assemblies from adopted people so other students
understand it.
Lessons about adoption we learn about LBGT, different cultures and
religions why not adoption/ fostering and children in care?
To have someone in school who actually understands what adoption might mean to us and it not
just be any person who is available.
If its out in the open we feel we can talk about it, rather than feeling ashamed or bottling it up
because were scared we will get bullied for it or people wont understand.

We are not looking to get away with murderWe know that being
adopted is not an excuse for our behaviour
We believe that if schools and their teachers understand adoption and know who ALL the
adopted people in their school are then this might
Stop teachers making snap judgements on our behaviour, ask us what would help and speak to
us first if they intend to contact out parents.
Provide us with support rather than a punishment. Often we need someone to talk to and listen.
Someone who understands our situation and can help us deal with our emotions.
Stop the bullying by being more open and honest about adoption and improving how bullying is
tackled.
Help us meet with other adopted teenagers. Often there are other adopted teens in our school,
but we dont know who they are. We have loved meeting other people and making new friends.

This presentation was brought to you

by AT-ID
This group was formed in 2014 to give adopted teens a voice
and an opportunity to have in say in what they want.
The group met regularly over a year and worked incredibly
hard to create a resource that they believe will benefit many
adopted teenagers.
The main aim is to create connections and friendships and
give adopted teens a safe space to be themselves.
Website

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