The Art of Listening

What is active listening?

Its a communication skill that involves both the speaker and the receiver. In active listening, the receiver tries to understand what feelings, thoughts, & beliefs are being communicated and accepts it as the persons own. The listener feeds back only what they believe the senders message meant - nothing more, nothing less. It involves feedback and verification that the receiver correctly understood the senders message. The active listener avoids getting stuck in another persons helpless feelings.

Why is it important to listen?

Failure to listen brings unfortunate results! Human beings want to express themselves, to be heard. Listening can de-escalate situations.

People can hear four times faster than others can talk, which gives a skilled listener time to sort matters

 Sheer laziness and/or just not caring Noise and or physical discomfort Turing the speaker off and dwelling on the plethora of internal distractions Letting a remark of the speaker (with which we disagree) develop a prejudice which clouds or puts a stop to any further listening Boredom - remember, we hear four times faster that we speak Developing your own rebuttal or listening mainly to find an opening to state what you have to say (competitive or combative listening) Allowing personal characteristics of the speaker or his poor delivery to prevent understanding

What Interferes with Listening?

We were given two ears but only one mouth. This is because God knew that listening was twice as hard as talking.

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In active listening you will:

listen for the content of the message, listen for the feelings of the speaker, listen without making judgment, respond to the feelings of the speakers, note the speakers cues, both verbal and nonverbal, ask open-ended questions, and reflect back to the speaker what you think you are hearing.

Active Listening Techniques

Encouraging Restating Reflecting Summarizing

Encouragement
The purpose is to convey interest and to keep the person talking. To do this dont agree or disagree. Use noncommittal words in a positive tone of voice. I see uh-huh Thats interesting What did you say then? What did he say when you said that? Be aware of your body language!

Restating
The purpose is to show that you are listening and understanding. To do this, restate the others basic ideas using your own words. If I understand you, you are saying In other words, your decision is Be aware of your body language!

Reflecting
The purpose is to show that you are listening and understand what they are feeling. To do this restate the others basic feeling. You feel that You were pretty disturbed by this Be aware of your body language!

Summarizing
The purpose is to pull important ideas, facts, etc. together, to establish a basis for further discussion and to review progress. To do this restate, reflect and summarize major ideas and feelings. These seem to be the key ideas you have expressed If I understand you, you feel this way about the situation Be aware of your body language!

When the Emotion is Directed at YOU.

Hearing the speaker out diffuses the emotion

If you really want to listen, you will act like a good listener. Good listeners are like good catchers because they give their speakers a target and then move that target to capture the information that is being sent.