CANCER

HOW THIS DISEASE AFFECTS THE FAMILY

By: Jose R. Santiago Manuel A. Lncara.

Through the course of your loved ones illness and after your loved ones death, you can expect your family to change, especially if youre caring for your loved one at home. Changes may be big or small, and they may be positive or not. Some things may not change at all. When youre thinking about how your family is adjusting, keep this in mind, family members are responding to two related challenges, to your loved ones illness and dying, and to the impact that caregiving has on the household. It can help to know what you may expect.

Here are some ways that your family may respond to your loved ones illness:

Members may have many feelings, sometimes all at once shock, denial, anger, sadness, fear, frustration, resentment, or even relief. They may ask, Why us? Some family members may have more complicated reactions that involve severe

anxiety or depression. Some may withdraw if they

feel afraid or depressed, or if they think they have nothing to offer your loved one. Some may seem not to react at all.They may hope for a cure even after aggressive treatment has stopped.

Each family member will cope with their emotions in their own way and at their own pace. Some may want to talk about your loved ones illness and their feelings when others arent ready. Some may not want to talk at all.

Young children may become angry, clingy, or withdrawn. They may have trouble working at school, playing, or sleeping. They may think that

they caused your loved ones illness, and they may

fear that other family members will also become sick and die. At different ages, children will have different concepts about the permanence of death. Teenage children may feel torn between their need

to become independent and their need to be with

your loved one. They may rebel or seek comfort, or both.

The patient and the patients spouse (or partner, or

significant other) may have difficulty expressing love and support in the couples usual ways. Problems that existed in the relationship before the illness may become worse, or the couple may look past them now.

Whether your loved one is at home, in hospital, or in hospice, your familys routines, roles, responsibilities, and relationships will probably change. Family members have to deal with new expectations and learn to interact with each other in new ways.

Here are some ways that your family may respond to caring for your loved one:

Family members may take on new

tasks as part of doing things that

your loved one cant do anymore, or as part of caring for your loved one.

A member who works outside the

home may have to take on more household duties. Another member

may have to take a job outside the

home to help support the family.

Children and teenagers may have to cope with tasks and situations theyre not prepared for. Older

children may have to take care of

younger siblings. Adult children may be challenged to care for a parent and their children at once.

If some family members have too many new responsibilities or dont feel confident about their abilities,

they may feel resentful, or

overwhelmed. Members who dont get enough self-care and support risk BURNEDOUT.

Depending on your situation, these family

activities may become especially challenging

Making desitions

Solving problems
setting priorities and goals making short-term or long-term plans assigning caregiving tasks dividing household chores coordinating daily activities allowing for privacy

expressing feelings relating to people outside the family.

Issues that affect the family unit may develop or get worse, such as:

physical or mental health problems behavioral problems substance abuse problems difficult relationships financial concerns

When it comes to deciding about a loved ones care and treatment, for some families its clear who will make the decisions and what those decisions will be. For other families, there may be many options, conflicting opinions, and little experience in making decisions as a family unit. Family members may disagree about who will give care, how, and where, and who will pay.

Geographical distance can

complicate things. Distant family

members may feel guilty and frustrated if they cant be near their loved one. The members giving care on a daily basis may feel that others arent contributing enough.

Many families become stronger and closer as they work together to care for there loved one. But some families may not. Geographical or emotional distance may limit contact between family members and their loved one, and care may be given more by professionals than by family.

COPING WITH CANCER RELATIVES

Coping with cancer isnt easy, but there are things you and your family can do to adjust. Here are some suggestions:

Focus on your loved one Your loved one needs your family to be an anchor in a sea of change. If confusion, conflict, or outright chaos threatens, bring your familys focus back to your mutual goal caring for your loved one. If you need help gaining perspective, a social worker, counselor, or spiritual advisor can help.

Get practical support

Whether you need help with caregiving tasks, household chores, childcare, or anything else, getting practical support is key to your familys ability to adjust.
Support can improve your loved ones care,prevent caregiver burnout, and help your family make the most of the time remaining with your loved one.

Get emotional support

If anyone in your family is having trouble adjusting to your loved ones illness, to caregiving, or to changes in family relationships, get professional help. Remember that your loved one may become unable to meet the familys emotional needs as a spouse, parent, or sibling as before. A social worker, counselor, spiritual advisor, or support group can help individuals or the whole family deal with emotional and spiritual concerns.

Take care of yourself Even with lots of help, caregiving can be physically and emotionally demanding for everyone involved.

Communicate

Effective communication can have a great impact on your familys ability to cope with cancer and caregiving. Talk openly and regularly about important issues, such as your loved ones illness, your feelings about your situation, and your familys future. Make sure that you understand each others needs and concerns.

Practice group efforts

If your family isnt experienced in working together as a team, you may have trouble making important decisions about your loved ones care and treatment. But it can help if you practice with smaller tasks (like planning a family outing or choosing a home care provider) before you face bigger issues (like making treatment decisions if your loved one becomes incapable, or making final arrangements.)

Take off your labels

Sometimes families fix members in prescribed roles the practical one, the emotional one, the smart one, the rebel. If you can move beyond the limits of old labels, then you may discover new abilities, strengths, and ways to cope.

Be informed Learn more about your loved ones illness and how to give care. These sections in particular can help:

Nutrition
Practical Help for Basic Care

Keeping Organized
Planning Ahead

Engage your loved one

Your loved one may react to how the rest of the family adjusts. If family members are in denial about your loved ones illness, then your loved one may have more difficulty preparing for death. If family members gain acceptance, then your loved one may feel more hopeful and prepared for the future. On a daily basis, keeping your loved one involved in caregiving tasks and family activities can improve your loved ones quality of life, reduce your caregiving responsibilities, and enrich your familys time together.

Be there for your loved one Your loved one may never talk about cancer or dying, but make sure your loved one knows youre there if youre needed. Say, Im here when youre ready to talk, or simply, Im here. If your loved one does open up, dont worry too much about saying or doing the right thing. Just be yourself. Just listen. If you cant give your loved one emotional support, find someone who can a friend, counselor, spiritual advisor, or support group.

Be there for your kids If there are children in your family, they need extra comfort and reassurance, especially if its their parent who is ill. Tell kids whats going on, encourage their questions, and give honest answers. Make sure they understand that they didnt cause your loved ones illness. Keep kids involved with your loved one it helps everyone feel less isolated and more cared for. Try to stick to the regular routine for school, playtime, meals, chores, and bedtime. Balance teenagers need for independence with the familys need for involvement. Tell your kids teachers about your situation. Ask other relatives, friends, and neighbors to help care for your kids and keep them company.

Be flexible Expect your loved one and your family to have good days and bad days. Try to have back-up plans and supports available. When family routines and rituals get disrupted, be creative about how to accommodate your familys needs. If you cant cook your traditional family supper every Sunday, can you go out for brunch instead? If the family cant get out for movie night, would renting a video work?

Set boundaries Your loved one may behave in ways that make it difficult for your family to cope, like becoming demanding or manipulative, or withdrawing from young children who need love and comfort. While you may understand your loved ones reactions, your family still deserves respect. If your loved ones behavior becomes unreasonable, consider having a family meeting with your loved one. Talk openly about challenges you share and develop solutions. If that doesnt help, get support from a social worker or counselor.

Enjoy family time Regular family gatherings can meet practical and emotional needs. You can talk about challenges and achievements, give each other support, and simply be together. If your family has a regular spiritual practice, try to stick to your routine, but be flexible if you need to.

Keep the love alive

If its your spouse (or partner, or significant other) who is ill, physical or emotional changes may affect the usual ways you express love and affection. But communication and creativity can help you adjust. Challenge yourselves to find new paths to intimacy.

In Conclusion:
The call for a strategic approach, for coordination, collaboration and cooperation, serves as a catalyst for developing and implementing a professional and family strategy for cancer patient. This will ensure that the collective resources, expertise, knowledge and skills are strategically developed and applied to maximum advantage, to lessen the burden of cancer on each and every affected person. Thanks and be Blessed

Bibliography:
American Cancer Society, www.cancer.org National Cancer Institute, www.nci.nih.gov