THE ART OF LISTENING

IN A HEALING WAY

Adapted from James E. Miller - “The Art of Listening in a Healing Way” 2003

UNIVERSITY COMMUNITY HOSPITAL

THE DEPARTMENT OF SPIRITUAL CARE
SPIRITUAL CARE RESOURCE NURSE PROGRAM
REV. 02/07
WHEN WAS THE FIRST
TIME YOU FELT REALLY
LISTENED TO?
WHO DID THE LISTENING?
WHAT DID YOU SPEAK ABOUT?
HOW DID YOU FEEL?
WHY DO YOU THINK THIS MEMORY
HAS STAYED WITH YOU?
Hearing vs. Listening

Listening is a Choice
LISTENING - 6 TYPES
1. CASUALLY
NOT CONCENTRATING, UNFOCUSED

2. FOR COMPREHENSION
SEEKS INFORMATION

3. CRITICALLY
JUDGEMENT

4. APPRECIATIVELY
PLEASURE

5. THERAPEUTICALLY
TO HELP
6. HEALING LISTENING
HEALING LISTENING
* MORE ABOUT BEING THAN DOING.
* LISTENING NOT TO HELP BUT TO BE WITH.
* LISTEN NOT TO GIVE ADVISE, BUT TO GAIN
WISDOM, INSIGHT INTO THEIR THOUGHTS,
WORDS, FEELINGS.
HEALING LISTENING

… OR NOT
HEALING LISTENING

INVOLVES WHOLENESS
HEALING LISTENING

NO AGENDA
HEALING LISTENING
WE LISTEN BECAUSE...

WE CHOOSE TO
THE OTHER PERSON IS WORTH
LISTENING TO.
HEALING LISTENING
WE LISTEN BECAUSE...

LISTENING CAN PUT US IN TOUCH WITH

LIFE
HEALING LISTENING
RULES
NO SET OF RULES,
NOR METHODS.

INSTEAD WE’LL OFFER SOME GUIDELINES

PRINCIPLE #1
HEALING LISTENING

IS FOUNDED AND
RESTS ON WONDER
HEALING LISTENING IS FOUNDED AND
RESTS ON WONDER
•16,000 microscopic hairs
•20,000 vibrations second
•vibrations convert to neural energy
•sound is processed 1,000x faster than the
eye processes light
PRINCIPLE #2
HEALING LISTENING
BEGINS WITH A TRIPLE INTENTION
* WILL I LISTEN?

* WILL I LISTEN TO THIS TO THIS

PERSON, IN THIS PLACE, AT THIS
MOMENT?
* WILL I LISTEN WITH THE OTHER
PERSON’S NEEDS
FOREMOST IN
MIND?
PRINCIPLE #3
HEALING LISTENING

STAYS TRUE TO THE PURPOSE OF

LISTENING
 THE PURPOSE OF HEALING
LISTENING
1. LISTEN …
CAREFULLY

2. LISTEN …
RESPECTFULLY
 THE PURPOSE OF HEALING
LISTENING
3. LISTEN …
CARINGLY

4. LISTEN …
BELIEVINGLY
“Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of
feeling safe with a person, having neither to
weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring
them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain
together, certain that a faithful hand will take
and sift them, keep what is
worth keeping, and
with a breath of
kindness blow the
rest away.”
Mary Ann Evans
PRINCIPLE #4
A HEALING LISTENER
LISTENS TO SELF…

BEFORE LISTENING TO ANOTHER

•HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

•WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOU?

•ARE YOU READY TO LISTEN?

•BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF

PRINCIPLE #5
HEALING LISTENING
INVOLVES AN EQUAL RELATIONSHIP
LIVED OUT IN AN UNEQUAL WAY.
PRINCIPLE #6
A HEALING LISTENER
STAYS IN THE MOMENT
“The only thing that matters is the
everlasting present.”
w. Somerset Maugham

“We must not allow the clock and the

calendar to blind us to the fact that
each moment of
life is a miracle
and a mystery.”
H.G. Wells
PRINCIPLE #7
A HEALING LISTENER
CONSCIOUSLY STILLS
 “Next to love, quietness.”
English Proverb

And Silence, like a poultice, comes to

heal the blows of sound.”
Oliver Wendell Holmes
“We can make
our minds so
much like still
water that
beings gather
about us to see
their own images.”
William Butler Yeats
PRINCIPLE #8
A HEALING LISTENER
DRAWS CLOSE
PRINCIPLE #9
A HEALING LISTENER
KEEPS A DISTANCE
“The field cannot well be seen from
within the field.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
PRINCIPLE #10
A HEALING LISTENER
FACES
 “When people
come face to
face,
their differences
vanish.”
Chinese Proverb
PRINCIPLE #11
A HEALING LISTENER
LISTENS WITH HIS EYES
“You can
observe a lot
just by
watching.”
Yogi Berra
PRINCIPLE #12
A HEALING LISTENER
LISTENS WITH HIS HEART
“They have closed their unfeeling heart…”
Psalm 17:10

“I will meditate with my heart,And my spirit

ponders…” Psalm 77:6
“Make your ear attentive to wisdom, Incline
your heart to
understanding.”
Prov. 2:2
PRINCIPLE #13
A HEALING LISTENER
LISTENS THROUGH HIS SOUL
“For all who are being led by the Spirit of
God, these are sons of God.” Rom. 8:14

“Trust in the LORD

with all your heart….
And He shall direct
your paths.”
Prov. 3:5-6
PRINCIPLE #14
A HEALING LISTENER
SURRENDERS
“The one who, conscious of being strong is
content to be weak shall be the paragon of all
humankind.” Lao Tze

“...whoever wishes to
become great among
you shall be your
servant; …for even
the Son of Man did
not come to be
served, but to serve, …” Mark 10:43-45
 “If to talk to oneself when alone is folly, it
must be doubly unwise to listen to oneself in
the presence of others.”
Baltasar Gracian
PRINCIPLE #15
A HEALING LISTENER
CLEAVES TO SILENCE
“What shall I say to you?
What can I say better than silence is?.”
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“They have closed their unfeeling heart,

With their mouth they speak proudly.”
Psalm 17:10
PRINCIPLE #16
A HEALING LISTENER
SPEAKS
* HEALING LISTENING IS INTERACTIVE

* WELL-SPOKEN, WELL-TIMED WORDS

* DON’T INTERRUPT YOUR LISTENING OR

THE OTHER’S SPEAKING
PRINCIPLE #17
A HEALING LISTENER
“FEELS INTO”
* EMPATHY - “FEELS INTO” OR ATTENDING
ONLY TO THE OTHER’S FEELINGS
* SYMPATHY - ATTEND TO THE OTHER’S
FEELINGS AS WELL AS TO YOUR OWN

* GOAL OF EMPATHY - TO KNOW AS

FULLY AS YOU CAN,
THE TRUTH OF
THEIR PRESENT
LIVED EXPERIENCE.
PRINCIPLE #18
A HEALING LISTENER
ADAPTS
PRINCIPLE #19
A HEALING LISTENER
ACKNOWLEDGES THE ENDING OF
THE TIME TOGETHER.
“YES” - AFFIRMING

“THANK YOU” - APPRECIATION

“GOODBYE” - COMPLETION
PRINCIPLE #20
A HEALING LISTENER
REFRAINS FROM LISTENING.
“The strongest principle of growth lies in the
human choice.”
Mary Ann Evans

“The sense of dignity grows with the ability to

say no.”
Abraham Joshua Heschel
PRINCIPLE #21
HEALING LISTENING
REQUIRES A TRIPLE DOSE OF
PATIENCE
PRINCIPLE #22
HEALING LISTENING
RESTS ON HUMILITY
“Humility is attentive patience.”
Simone Weil

“The four cardinal

virtues are humility,
humility, humility,
humility.”
Bernard of Clairveaux
PRINCIPLE #23
HEALING LISTENERS
TRUST THEY ARE ENOUGH
 “Every man is more than just himself, he also
represents the unique, the very special and always
significant and remarkable point at which the
world’s phenomena intersect, only once in this way
and never again.”
Hermann Hesse

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus

Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will
be able to comfort those who are in any affliction
with the comfort with which we ourselves are
comforted by God.”
2 Cor. 1:3-4.
PRINCIPLE #24
HEALING LISTENING
IS, AT BASIS, AN ACT OF LOVE
“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous;
love does not brag and is not arrogant, does
not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own,
... bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
Love never fails…”
1 Cor 13:4-8
 Listen to
others….
As you would
want to be
listened to.