Techniques for Handling Conflict

The Nature of Conflict

They can be destructive

They can be creative

Management Survey Principal causes of conflict

misunderstandings personality clashes difference in goals substandard performance differences over methods areas of responsibility lack of cooperation levels of authority frustration resource limitation breaking the rules

GROUP WORK IDENTIFY THE KEY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN :

A POSITIVE CONSTRUCTIVE CONFLICT

AND A NEGATIVE DESTRUCTIVE CONFLICT

SUGGESTED DIFFERENCES
Can be positive when: helps open up discussion results in problem solving increases the level of individual involvement improves communication between people releases stored up emotions helps people to develop their abilities Can be negative when: diverts from dealing with important issues creates feelings of dissatisfaction leads to individuals/groups becoming insular reduces future cooperation

Individual & Group Work Reviewing Conflict at Work

What does assertiveness mean to you?

What is Assertiveness?
Behaviour which helps us to communicate clearly and confidently our : * NEEDS * * WANTS * & * FEELINGS * to other people without abusing their human rights in any way. rights

Assertive people do:

Decide what they want. Decide if this is fair. Ask clearly for what they want. Take risks. Remain calm and relaxed. Express their feelings openly. Give and take compliments easily. Give and take fair criticism.

Assertive people do not:

x x x x x Beat about the bush. Go behind other peoples backs. Bully other people. Call people names. Bottle up feelings. (because they dont need to - )

Being Assertive
C Compromise Open O Negotiate N Fair F I Innovate D Direct E Expressive N Non-verbal Chance C Empower E
.

- only if its reasonable to do so - and be honest - firmly and wisely - to yourself as well as others! - dont wait for others or fate - and clear in your speech - show your feelings when appropriate - use your body & beware of hidden messages - take risks - everyone!

Responses & Behaviours

Passive/Aggressive
Aggressive

Passive

Assertive

WHY LEARN TO BE MORE ASSERTIVE ?

Improved communication - openness & honesty Better feeling - about ourselves after handling situations Confident & relaxed - happy to be ourselves Aware - comfortable with both strengths & weaknesses mistakes = learning experiences Able - to cope with unfair criticism & exploitation Knowledgeable - of appropriate use of assertiveness

WHERE DOES ASSERTIVE HELP?

Assertiveness is useful in the following situations:
dealing with conflict negotiation leadership and motivation giving and receiving feedback co-operative working being heard in meetings.

The non-assertive cycle

Non-Assertion Lower Self-Esteem Non-Assertion Lower Self-Esteem

PERSONAL RIGHTS
AGGRESSION Always violates the other persons rights. Allows others to violate our rights. Expresses ourselves in a way which does not violate other peoples rights.

NON-ASSERTION ASSERTION -

A bill of assertive rights.

1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8) 9) 10) 11) 12) The right to ask for what we want (realising that the other person has the right to say No). The right to have an opinion, feelings and emotions and to express them appropriately. The right to make statements which have no logical basis, and which we do not have to justify (eg intuitive ideas and comments). The right to make our own decisions and to cope with the consequences. The right to choose whether or not we get involved in the problems of someone else. The right to know about something and not understand. The right to make mistakes. The right to be successful. The right to change our mind. The right to privacy The right to be alone and independent. The right to choose to be non-assertive - and feel good about it

Non-verbal behaviours

Aggressive
Direct eye contact battle Body closed off Pounding fists Pointing fingers Hands on hips Sarcastic tone Loud or deathly soft voice Often stands too close

Assertive
Comfortable direct eye contact Open body Body still and relaxed Posture upright Hand gestures to emphasise words Voice appropriately firm/warm Appropriate distance from other person

Non-assertive
Looks away Shoulders slumped Fiddling with distractions Wringing hands Shuffling feet Voice soft & difficult to hear Whining voice

The I message.
Non assertive

(disowning)

(blame)

(behaviour judgement)

You make me very angry when youre so unreliable.

Assertive
(owning) (feelings) (description of behaviour) I feel angry when you arrive late.

Negative Assertion (accepting your errors and faults without apologising) Statement: This desk is a complete mess - youre hopelessly disorganised!

Assertive Reply: Your right, Im not very tidy.

Fogging (agreeing with the truth, odds, principle) Statement: I see you are dressed in your usual sloppy manner Assertive Reply: Thats right, my dress is the same as usual.

Negative Enquiry (prompting of criticism - for factual dialogue) Statement: Youll find that difficult because youre shy. Assertive Reply: In what way do you think Im shy?

Assertiveness practice sessions

Transactional Analysis
Nurturing Parent protecting and caring SUPPORTIVE Adult rational, problem solving thoughts and behaviours LOGICAL Adapted Child compliance with authority, CONFORMING Natural Child free expression of feelings & emotion SPONTANEOUS Critical Parent criticising - many shoulds & musts JUDGEMENTAL

Transactional Analysis

most productive transaction

Transactional Analysis

also complimentary

most productive transaction

also complimentary

Transactional Analysis

crossed most productive transaction transaction

Leads to conflict

Transactional Analysis

INITIATOR TRACKS TRANSACTION TO ADULT-ADULT

THEN MOVES TRANSACTION TO ADULT

INITIALLY RESPONDS FROM CHILD PARENT TRIES TO HOOK CHILD

ULTERIOR TRANSACTION

Creating a personal assertiveness plan