Anger vs Hostility

Anger is a temporary emotion. Combines physiological arousal with emotional arousal Hostility not temporary emotion, but rather an attitude. It is anger that is expressed in aggressive behavior motivated by animosity and hatefulness

Anger and Fear

There are two emotions specifically associated with the stress response:
Anger Fear

Fight-or-flight response to defend

Gender Differences
Both men and women feel anger the same way Cultural differences between genders

Not all venting of anger is good or healthy!

Some Things to Remember: 1) Misdirected anger

2) Escalating conflict
3) Acquiring angry habits

4) Loosing respect

Four Mismanaged Anger Styles

Mismanagement occurs when unresolved anger becomes a control issue.
The Somatizer The Self-punisher The Exploder The Underhander

The Somatizer
(Repressed anger manifested in the body) Temporomandibular joint disorder (TMJD) Migraines and/or Rheumatoid arthritis Hypertension Liver problems Many women (but not all) tend to be somatizers

The Self-Punisher
(Guilt-produced obsessive behaviors) Excessive eating Excessive sleeping Excessive exercise Shopping Cutting (self-mutilation)

The Exploder
(Anger through intimidation) Road rage Phone rage Violent behavior (e.g., Columbine HS) Excessive swearing

The Underhander
(Passive-aggressive behavior) Sarcasm Late for meetings Not returning phone calls Padding ones expense account Seeking revenge

Creative Anger Strategies

Know your anger style Learn to monitor your anger Learn to de-escalate your anger Learn to out-think your anger Get comfortable with all your feelings--express them constructively Plan ahead Develop a strong support system Develop realistic expectations of yourself and others

Conflict Resolution

Conflict Resolution Techniques

1. Active Listening 2. Identify Your Position

3. Explore Alternative Solutions

Dealing with conflict

1. Conflicts of Interests
2. Unavoidable 3. Opportunity 4. Same ground rules.

Conflict Can Be Beneficial

Boundaries Truth of ourselves and others External manifestation of an internal conflict

Conflict Resolution
Two goals in conflict resolution:
1. Achieving your goals. 2. Maintaining a relationship with the other person/s.

Dealing with conflict

To be good at managing conflict: 1. Need to be skilled at appropriate use of each of these strategies. 2. Some strategies (i.e., forcing, compromising, problemsolving) require the participation of the other person. 3. Strategies arent very compatible - hard to go back and forth between them successfully in the same situation.

Dealing with conflict

1. Cool off. 2. Tell whats bothering you using I messages. 3. Each person restates what they heard the other person say. 4. Take responsibility. 5. Brainstorm solutions and come up with one that satisfies both people. 6. Affirm, forgive, or thank

Communication Skills

The three most important words for a successful relationship are: communication, communication, and communication. -Anonymous

Verbal Communication
Verbal language is a series of expressive thoughts and perceptions described through word symbols. Linguistic experts divide verbal communication into two components:
Encoding Decoding

Communication Styles Between Genders

Men may be from Mars and women may be from Venus, but right now both sexes are living on earth so we better learn to speak the same language. -Lily Tomlin

Nonverbal Communication Nonverbal communication is described as any communication that does not involve words. It may include:
postures, facial expressions, touch, and even style of clothing.

Listening, Attending, Assume the role of listener Skills and Responding

Maintain eye contact Avoid word prejudice Use minimal encouragers Paraphrase what was said to ensure understanding

State the issue

When you do __________, I feel __________, therefore I ____________.

Steps to Enhance Communication Skills

Speak with precision and directness Enhance your vocabulary Use appropriate language for listening Attack issues, not people Avoid making people defensive

Best Application of Communication Skills

For every stressor that involves another person, communication skills are essential to resolve the issue at hand. If nothing else, remember this: Attack issues, not people. Be a good diplomat!

Reinterpreting Yourself
The Dark Side of the Light Chaser: Reclaiming your power, creativity, brilliance, and dreams Debbie Ford