ASSERTIVENESS

What is Assertiveness?
Assert

= to affirm or state plainly, strongly and firmly = knowing what you think and feel and saying it clearly but inoffensively

Being Assertive is:

Knowing your limitations but focusing on your strengths
Being your real self Labelling your feelings Identifying and breaking down your own defences

Now give a COMPLIMENT

Refer to specific behaviour Be sincere Use the name of the person Look directly in the eye Speak in a firm, positive tone Keep your body straight, shoulders back, head up

3 Styles of Communication
Passive Aggressive Assertive

Passive Style
Definition: you put the rights of others before your own, minimizing your own self worth

Message this sends: your feelings are not important, that you don't matter and that you think youre inferior

Passive Style
Verbal Styles: apologetic; overly soft or tentative voice Non-Verbal Styles: looking down or away; stooped posture, excessive head nodding

Passive Style
Potential Consequences :
lowered self esteem anger at self false feelings of inferiority disrespect from others pitied by others

Aggressive Style
Definition: you stand up for your rights but you violate the rights of others Message this sends: your feelings are not important; you don't matter; I think I'm superior

Aggressive Style
Verbal Styles: you statements; loud voice
Non-Verbal Styles: staring, narrow eyes; tense, clenched fists, rigid posture, pointing fingers

Aggressive Style
Potential Consequences :
guilt anger from others lowered self esteem disrespect from others feared by others

Assertive Style
Definition: you stand up for your rights while maintaining respect for the rights of others.
Message this sends: we are both important; we both matter; I think we are equal

Assertive Style
Verbal Styles: I statements; firm voice Non-Verbal Styles: Looking direct; relaxed posture; smooth and relaxed movements.

Assertive Style
Potential Consequences :
higher self-esteem self respect respect from others respect of others

Becoming More Assertive

Assertive Listening Nonverbal Assertiveness

Assertive Listening
GOAL: To let the other person know that you want to understand his or her point of view To understand accurately what another is saying To let the other person know that he or she has been understood

Assertive Listening
To understand the other person accurately: Give your full attention to the other person Relax Ask questions to clarify

Assertive Listening
Tell the other person you are interested: Id like to hear your thoughts on. Im confused about your views on. What does the situation look like from your perspective?

Assertive Listening
To let a person feel they are understood, Summarize what the other person saysIf I understand you correctly Is this what you mean? It sounds as though you feel.

Nonverbal Assertiveness
Direct Eye Contact
Erect Posture Facial Expression Tone of Voice

Summary:
Use direct eye contact Speak in a clear, strong voice. Face the person to whom you are talking Start conversations Practice saying no. Tell people what you want Ask for help Treat people with respect Use I messages - instead of saying You make me angry, say, I am angry.

Be Assertive Not Aggressive