With his keen understanding of human behavior, Benjamin Franklin once remarked: "So convenient a thing it is to be a reasonable creature, since it enables one to find or make a reason for every thing one has a mind to do." We tend to be quite adept at finding ways to justify our behavior, especially when it is either unnecessary or ethically questionable. When it comes to eating animals, we don't only justify it on the grounds that it benefits US; we actually have the nerve to justify it on the grounds that it actually benefits the animals. Focusing on a few of these common assertions ("cows need to be milked or they'll fall ill," "we give animals life," and "dying by our hands is better than dying by the hands of violent predators."), I offer my own perspective in response.