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“Inspection Detection”
Story By:
Butch Hartman and Steve Marmel
Written By:
Spencer Green
First Draft:
11/16/00
Second Draft:
11/27/00
Third Draft:
11/30/00
Final Draft:
12/14/00
DAD
Honey-- you’ve outdone yourself again! What
do you call this?
MOM
Cold cereal and milk!
DAD
It’s marvelous!
NEWSCASTER
This just in! Shoplifting rampage continues at
the Wall 2 Wall Mart!
DAD
Oh, dear heavens... NO!!!
NEWSCASTER
Items stolen include a computer...
NEWSCASTER
...a basketball...
NEWSCASTER (O.S.)
...a snowmobile and a full-scale wax replica of
The Crimson Chin.
DAD
Honey, did you notice all of those nice things
Timmy has? I don’t remember getting him
those nice things. Why don’t I have nice
things? I want some nice things!
NEWSCASTER (V.O.)
The Fairly OddParents: “Inspection Detection” Final Script by Spencer Green 12/14/00 3
CUT TO:
COSMO
Thanks for getting us ready for Fairy Inspection
Day, Timmy!
WANDA
All this extra wishing you’ve been doing is
putting us in tip top shape to impress the fairy
inspector when he grades us on our
“Fairyness!”
TIMMY
No problem, Guys! And look at all these nice
things I’ve gotten out of the deal!
Mom and Dad ENTER and Timmy SWALLOWS the wish list. COSMO and
WANDA poof into the fishbowl.
DAD
Yeah! Where did you get all of these nice
things, Young Man?
TIMMY
Uh...Internet?
MOM
And where did you get the internet?
TIMMY
Uh...
DAD
Our son is...the Wall 2 Wall Mart shoplifter!
(SCREAMS LIKE A GIRL)
TIMMY
What? You don’t think I stole this stuff, do
you?!?
DAD
The Fairly OddParents: “Inspection Detection” Final Script by Spencer Green 12/14/00 4
(SCREAMS AGAIN)
TIMMY
That’s a yes.
TIMMY
But I didn’t do it!
DAD
(SCREAMS AGAIN)
MOM
That’s it, Young Man! You know you’re not
supposed to make your dad scream three
times in one day! When he wakes up, you’re in
a lot of trouble!
TIMMY
(very sad)
Why don’t you believe me?
TIMMY
Oh.
(beat)
Get rid of this stuff! All of it!
Cosmo and Wanda poof into their fairy form and wave their wands.
POOF! Everything’s gone.
TIMMY
They think I’m a shoplifter! I can’t tell them you
guys made that stuff for me! Look: no more wishes
for a while, okay?
WANDA
But, you have to make wishes! That’s what
Fairy Inspection Day is about!
TIMMY
This stinks! When’s the inspection?
JORGEN
The Fairly OddParents: “Inspection Detection” Final Script by Spencer Green 12/14/00 5
IT BEGINS NOW!!!!
TIMMY
Oh no! It’s Jorgen Von Strangle?
JORGEN
Yes! Do you have a problem with that?
ALL THREE
(nervously) ...Uh...
JORGEN
GOOD! There are three parts to the Fairy
Inspection. Responsibility, Number of Wishes,
and Happiness.
Jorgen grabs Cosmo and Wanda, and holds them in front of Timmy’s
face.
JORGEN
Is that the face of a happy child?
COSMO
Well... not “ha ha” happy, but...
JORGEN
F!
Jorgen waves his wand. A REPORT CARD appears with an “F” next to
Happy. Responsibility and Wishes are un-graded.
JORGEN
If you get an “F” on two of these three tasks, I
will send you back to the Fairy Academy for
1000 years of training!
TIMMY
Look, uh... this is a really bad day.
JORGEN
Why? Did your Godparents do something that
might have made it difficult or incriminating for
you to make wishes?
TIMMY
No! No! Uh...
TIMMY
Coming!
WANDA
(to Timmy)
But Timmy! We need you to make wishes!
TIMMY
(to Wanda)
Just stall him! As soon as I sort this out, I’ll
come back!
TIMMY
Coming, actual-parents-who-I-have-to-listen-to-
when-they-call-me!
CUT TO:
DAD
We’re going to ask you point blank, Son. Are
you a shoplifter?
TIMMY
No! In fact, if you don’t believe me, use my
new lie detector!
DAD
Hey... where’d you get this nice lie detector?
TIMMY
Interne...
MOM
Oh, Timmy... this calls for drastic measures.
DISSOLVE TO:
The Fairly OddParents: “Inspection Detection” Final Script by Spencer Green 12/14/00 7
JORGEN
Where did your puny Godchild go?
Wanda sees Mom and Dad RUSHING Timmy into the car outside. She
quickly PULLS the WINDOW SHADE DOWN.
WANDA
He’s, uh...napping! To dream up some extra
special wishes for us to grant.
COSMO
And when he snores, he sounds like he’s in a
car, leaving the driveway!
DISSOLVE TO:
TIMMY
AJ! Chester! Francis? Where am I?
CHESTER
You’re in a police line up.
A.J.
Your Mom and Dad are trying to show you what
kinds of bad things happen to shoplifters.
FRANCIS
And you’re in my spot.
As Francis moves Timmy out of his way, a WALKIE TALKIE FALLS OUT
OF FRANCIS’ POCKET. It has an electronic STORE SENSOR still
ATTACHED to it that FLASHES “NOT PAID FOR.” Timmy picks up the
walkie talkie.
TIMMY
Look! This was stolen from the Wall 2 Wall Mart!
The Fairly OddParents: “Inspection Detection” Final Script by Spencer Green 12/14/00 8
Mom, Dad and the cop turn and see Timmy holding up the game.
COP
(re:Timmy)
Wow, your son can shoplift! Gray kid, other
kids, you’re free to go.
FRANCIS
Cool. I’m gonna go shoplift! I mean help my
grandmother with the baby!
TIMMY
No! Stop him! He’s the shoplifter! Not me,
him!
(to Mom and Dad)
You’re my parents! You’re supposed to trust
me and believe me!
MOM
We do believe you!
DAD
(pointing to Cop)
But we believe him, too! And he’s got a
badge! (BEAT) Hey, why don’t I have a nice
badge?
TIMMY
If you won’t listen to me, I’ve got no choice but
to prove I’m innocent! AJ! Chester! Evasive
Maneuver 12!
A.J. OPENS Chester’s mouth. The light in the room BOUNCES OFF
Chester’s braces and blasts a hole in the wall like a laser beam.
Timmy, still holding the walkie-talkie... runs through the wall, to the
outside.
TIMMY
(re: Walkie-Talkie)
If you need me! Call me on this!
CHESTER AND AJ
We will! / RUN TIMMY!!!!
ON TIMMY
The Fairly OddParents: “Inspection Detection” Final Script by Spencer Green 12/14/00 9
TIMMY
If I follow Francis and the cops follow m, I can
prove he’s the shoplifter!
(back to the hole in wall)
Come on!! See if you can keep up!!
DAD
Oh no! Our son’s a fugitive! (SCREAMS)
COP
Find that running shoplifter and get him back
here, dead or alive!
MOM
What?!?
COP
Sorry! Alive! Not dead! Alive! I get a little
carried away...
DISSOLVE TO:
COSMO
So? Uh... Jorgen? How’s the muscles?
JORGEN
Large, gigantic, and beginning to think you
puny fairies are stalling!
WANDA
Don’t be silly! How about a little “we’re not
stalling” mood music?
Wanda elbows Cosmo, who starts to “play” his arm pit as Jorgen glares
and Wanda covers her ears.
WANDA
(to self) Hurry back, Timmy... I don’t know how
much of this I can take...
DISSOLVE TO:
ON TIMMY, pushing his way through a DESERT. Sand blows against his
face. We PAN BACK to see the pack of police dogs, now followed by a
PACK OF CAMELS.
We PAN BACK to see the dogs, the camels, and behind them, the Cop
and Mom and Dad in a dogsled.
MOM
Timmy! Come back! You’ll catch your death of
wet, heat and cold!
BIG JOE
Thanks for coming to Big Joe’s Swamp, Desert
and Arctic wonderland!
TIMMY
Francis.
TIMMY
(to self) I just gotta stay free until I can get to
the Wall 2 Wall mart.
Timmy pulls the walkie talkie out and talks into it.
TIMMY
Chester! AJ! Come in! Over!
CHESTER AND AJ
(whispered)
Timmy? TIMMY? Where are you?
TIMMY
Guys! GUYS!
A.J.
The Fairly OddParents: “Inspection Detection” Final Script by Spencer Green 12/14/00 11
TIMMY
Thanks, Guys.
CHESTER
We’ll always be there for you, Man.
COP (V.O.)
Nobody move!
CHESTER AND AJ
(pointing at Timmy)
IT WAS HIM!!!
TIMMY
Thanks, Guys! You’re the best!
CUT TO:
JORGEN
You only have two hours left! Why do you
delay? Did you do something that got your
Godchild in so much trouble, he is incapable of
wishing for things?
WANDA
(nervously to Cosmo)
Do another one! Do another one!
COSMO
“Feelings...”
DISSOLVE TO:
Timmy hides around a corner as Francis walks toward the Wall 2 Wall
mart. It’s swarming with cops and the media.
TIMMY
This is Timmy, calling Chester and AJ. Where
are you?
CHESTER
We’re in front of the store, Timmy!
A.J.
But the cops have got it surrounded! There’s
no place for you to sneak in!
FRANCIS
Move it, geeks.
TIMMY (V.O.)
(over walkie-talkie)
Listen carefully...
TIMMY
Here’s what I need you to do...
CUT TO:
JORGEN
Enough! Time is almost up! Wake your godchild and
prepare to be inspected! Now!
WANDA
Who wants some nice TV?
DAD
I wish I had some of that nice stuff!
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
The Fairly OddParents: “Inspection Detection” Final Script by Spencer Green 12/14/00 13
Wanda flips channels: A REPORTER stands outside the Wall 2 Wall Mart
where CROWDS of PEOPLE have gathered.
REPORTER
I’m live at the Wall 2 Wall Mart, where
shoplifting fiend, Timmy Turner has been
captured returning to the scene of the crime!
COSMO
Captured?!
JORGEN
So, Timmy was not asleep! Your bumbling caused
the public to think he’s a criminal! You have failed
in your responsibility as Fairy Godparents!
Jorgen takes out the Inspection List and is about to cross out
“RESPONSIBILITY...”
WANDA
So what!?! It’s just a stupid inspection! You
want to send us back to the Fairy Academy,
fine!! But right now, Timmy needs our help!
COSMO
DON’T KILL ME!
JORGEN
They stood up to me, and my awesome
muscles, to save their Godchild.
Responsibility... A!
JORGEN
But they only have fifteen minutes left before
they run out of time and I fail them! HA! HA
HA! HA! HA!
CUT TO:
COP
We’ve captured your son. It’s all over now.
One cop brings a KID with a pink hat in from the left, ANOTHER KID from
the right. From behind, they look like Timmy.
MOM
But... we only have one son!
The cops whip off the pink hats revealing Chester and AJ.
DAD
And these kids are neither of him!
COP
You kids are in a lot of trouble.
CHESTER AND AJ
IT WAS HIM!!!
TIMMY
It worked! Chester and AJ did an great job of
diverting those cops!
MOM (V.O.)
Timmy!
MOM
Please don’t shoplift! Especially not twice at
the same place!
TIMMY
I’m not a shoplifter! And I’m going to make you
believe me!
CUT TO:
TIMMY
Jeez, this place is huge...
TIMMY
...but I can’t lose track of...
Timmy looks to see... FRANCIS happily stuffing item after item down his
shirt, into his jacket and into his pants.
TIMMY
AHA! See? Francis is the shoplifter!
TIMMY
Okay, I’m outta here.
JORGEN
They interrupted my show for this?
The Fairly OddParents: “Inspection Detection” Final Script by Spencer Green 12/14/00 16
CUT TO:
Timmy follows Francis into the huge ELECTRONICS AREA, filled with
LARGE SCREEN TVs, VIDEO EQUIPMENT, etc. Francis is shoving tons of
things in his pocket.
TIMMY
Okay, Francis! Admit it! Admit you’re the
shoplifter!
FRANCIS
Duh. Of course I am! But who cares? Nobody
believes you!
Mom, Dad and the Cop run in. The cop grabs Timmy.
COP
Alright, Son. You leave this law abiding, grey
child alone.
WANDA
Keep a keen eye out for Timmy!
COSMO
You got it, lamb chop, I... (beat)
Oooo! Look! There’s a sale on lard!
TIMMY’S POV - We see the Cosmo camera.
TIMMY
A Cosmo-Security Cam! Ordinarily, I’d never
do this to a police officer...
TIMMY
But YOU PEOPLE AREN’T LISTENING TO ME!
DAD
Go for the DVD player! It’s nice!
SWAT GUYS
Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!
TIMMY
(to Wanda)
I wish I had a parachute!
POOF! Timmy leaps off the really high shelf and parachutes down next
to Francis. The cops grab him.
MOM
Please, Timmy! We love you and they just
want to help!
TIMMY
Yeah? Do you love me enough to give me a
chance to show you you’re wrong?
DAD
But we’re parents! We’re never wrong!
MOM
That’s not true... remember when I made that
exploding pie? And you thought two and two
was five?
DAD
(to Timmy)
Well, okay... One chance. But if you’re wrong,
it’s off to the clink!
The cops let him go. Timmy OPENS UP Francis’ jacket and removes a VCR
Francis was going to shoplift. He pulls out a TV Francis was going to
shoplift. He plugs it into a portable power GENERATOR Francis was going
to shoplift. He puts the tape in the VCR and shows... LARD. Lots of Lard.
TIMMY
Lard... lard... lard...
COP
Okay, Son, this has gone on enough...
TIMMY
But I... I...
EVERYONE
(GASPS)
MOM
I can’t believe it!
DAD
I know! Look at the size of that drum of lard
that Gray kid stole! Why don’t I have lard like
that?
FRANCIS
Uh... I got those off the internet.
COP
RIIIIGHT.
DAD
Gosh, Son... I guess just because you HAD nice
things didn’t mean you stole them. We should
have trusted you more.
MOM
We love you, Timmy. And we’re sorry. Can you
ever forgive us?
TIMMY
Well...
(looks at his watch)
Two minutes left!
(back to the parents)
OKAYIFORGIVEYOULOVEYOUBYE!!!
DAD
Where did he get that nice watch?
CUT TO:
JORGEN
One minute left, Puny Fairies! You’ll never...
TIMMY
I wish for a unicorn, a tank, a Chip Skylark laser
show, the bear on a unicycle, Riverdance
performances and the Chinese Olympics
Gymnastics Team, including Gold Medal
Winner, Keng Fui!
A STAGE APPEARS in the middle of the family room with CHIP SKYLARK
on it as LASERS SHOOT OUT BEHIND HIM.
CHIP SKYLARK
Icky Vicky! Vicky Icky! Icky Vicky!
JORGEN
Happy... Revised to an “A.” Responsibility... “A”
and wishes...
JORGEN
“A!” Your delay tactics were obviously part of
your overall presentation.
WANDA
Uh... sure.
COSMO
We’ll go with that.
JORGEN
The Fairly OddParents: “Inspection Detection” Final Script by Spencer Green 12/14/00 20
Jorgen POOFS out of the living room, taking everything in the room out
with him.
WANDA
We passed! We passed!
TIMMY
Yeah! And my parents trust me again! But I’m
gonna have to be smarter about where I keep
the stuff I wish for...
DAD
Where did you get the nice tank, Son?
TIMMY
Uh... Internet?
MOM
Works for us!
Mom and Dad climb inside the tank and DRIVE it down the street,
CRUSHING CARS and MAILBOXES, as we...
FADE TO BLACK.